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I don't know what's happening to
Stacy, my daughter. She is so thin,
and she hardly eats anything lately,
at least not in front of me. At dinner,
she just picks or pushes the food
around on her plate. If I ask her why
she's not eating, she'll say she had
a big lunch or too many after-school
snacks, but I don't believe her. She
wouldn't be losing so much weight
if that were true.
Maybe it's my fault for urging her to
go on a diet before her Bat Mitzvah.
I shouldn't have said anything, but
she had gained ten pounds over
the summer and was having trouble
finding a dress she liked in her size.
After she lost the weight she found
the perfect dress, and she looked
so beautiful and happy at her party.
But things changed. She started
complaining about being fat, even
though she was a size 6! Nothing I
said could convince her otherwise.
She looks in the mirror with a
disgusted expression on her face,
as though she can't stand what
she sees.
Her friend Emily when she told her
she was getting too thin, but she
thought Emily was just jealous and
wanted her to gain back the weight
she lost. When I made her favorite
chocolate cake last week, she
looked at it with an expression that
was almost fearful. Like the cake
was her enemy.
Could she have an eating disorder?
Her father and I keep telling her she
is beautiful, but it doesn't seem to
help. I'm worried she'll get sick and
end up in the hospital, like those
girls I've read about. Or maybe I'm
overreacting; lots of teenage girls
are obsessed with their appearances.
I don't know what to do.
1,54
bad is /he call
one yva
dons make.
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28
March 26 • 2015
"Done right, there are virtually no
downsides to Pesach cleaning."
Elizabeth Applebaum
I Special to the Jewish News
eral. "We're all going to clean up!" I call,
equal parts false enthusiasm, pleading
and commanding.
hen my children were little,
There are no words to describe my
our pre-Pesach prepara-
teens' joy at hearing this call to action.
tion often included planting
But here's the thing: Done right, there
strange stuff that would
are virtually no downsides to
turn into a magic tree. We
Pesach cleaning. It's nice to
Above: Talya and
carried our last bits of cha-
have the house tidy. You get
Adina Applebaum
metz — V4 cup of flour, a
rid of a lot of junk you did
help prepare the
teaspoon of yeast, leftover
not need but likely otherwise
family kitchen for
vinegar — outside and then
would have ignored. Everyone
Passover.
poured everything into a
pitches in to get the job done.
hole.
It's work where you can see
"Let's see what grows there," I would
immediate results.
say.
Actually, though, the most important
The next morning, the children would
thing about this cleaning is that it's part
wake to find a branch stuck into the hole: of preparing for something grand.
It was a tree that had grown cotton candy
I would argue that Pesach is the most
packets and Dr. Pepper-flavored lip balm, important Jewish holiday because the
tiny toys and bubble gum.
central theme is our founding as a peo-
That was one way of cleaning up, and
ple. Once we were a group of disparate
it was certainly one of the more enjoy-
souls, wandering physically and spiritu-
able ones. Then there were the chores
ally, and then God formed a nation.
like carrying a lot of dishes downstairs,
Picture a wedding. Could you just
scrubbing out pantries and cabinets, end- wake up and put on a dress and be done
less vacuuming. These were ghastly, and
with it? Perhaps. But there is something
there is no fun angle to any one.
right and perfect about choosing your
My memories of cleaning for Passover
own dress, finding flowers for the table,
begin in the Missouri house where I grew deciding on dinner and then coming
up, where the absolute worst chore, my
to the chuppah. A celebration isn't just
mother felt, was dealing with the refrig-
about showing up; it's about helping
erator. Today, in my home in Oak Park,
make the experience. It's about taking
soon after Purim ends, I become the gen- the time to prepare for something that is
W
valuable and deserves your energy and
effort.
I clean not just with my immediate
family but with my entire community. I
love it when all the doors are open, and I
see my neighbors shaking out their rugs
and vacuuming their cars. I love going
to grocery stores and seeing what holi-
day foods others are buying, and I love
looking through cookbooks to find new
Pesach recipes.
Initially, the cleaning means doing
bits here and there: one kitchen cabinet
and then a closet or two. I absolutely
procrastinate on the projects that are the
worst: the pantry and (yes, Mother was
correct) the fridge. I've found that it's best
to listen to loud music while taking out
all the flour and cans and chia seeds that
I never figured out how to use but I'm
sure I'm living healthier by just having
them there. A dose of Yes singing "Owner
of a Lonely Heart" always helps me get
through the pain of dealing with the six
different containers of open pasta and
four tablespoons of five different kinds
of cereal.
Over the years, I've learned that it's
essential not to become a cleaning wacko.
One time the day before the seder, I took
all our dining room chairs outside and
washed them. But — and you will figure
out the problem immediately — the seats
bore permanent padding. About an hour
into our seder my husband said, "Why do
I feel like I'm sitting on something wet?"
All those weeks of cleaning leave me
tired but also excited. Time for a brief
rest — a book and Starbucks — and then
it's finally the big night.
There's the taste of matzah, staying up
ridiculously late, the googly-eyed plastic
frogs and other plagues at our table. My
son grates the horseradish and makes
the charoset, a gloriously fragrant mix
of apples and cinnamon and nuts. There
is Elijah's Cup, which we will all agree
seems to be missing some wine once
morning comes. We each have our own
favorite Haggadah. Mine was published
by Shulsinger Brothers in 1949, and the
art — rich and dark and mysterious, full
of hidden stories and secrets — never
fails to mesmerize me.
And now, the sweet irony of it! The
morning after the seder our home is a
mess. Matzah crumbs everywhere, plastic
plagues on the floor, wine spilled on the
tablecloth and a zillion dishes to wash.
One kid asleep on the couch; another
in bed but still in her clothes. It is abso-
lutely, breathtakingly beautiful.
❑