metro >> on the cover

Childfree
By Choice

Local couples find

closeness, satisfaction

with decision not to

have kids.

Barbara Lewis I Contributing Writer

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1

Being Selfish?
Are childfree couples being selfish, as
many critics contend?
Julie Enszer, a poet and assistant pro-
fessor of women's studies at the University
of Maryland, says the "selfish" comment
has some merit, because those without
children have more time, energy and
money to spend on themselves. But that's
not necessarily bad.
Writing in the Huffington Post last
May, Enszer said she feels "blessed" not
to have children. "I have more time and
energy to devote to creative pursuits
and projects that f el my passions in the
world:'
Miles Steam agrees. Being childfree
gives him more time and discretionary
income, he said. "Had we had a child a
decade ago, right now we would be wor-
rying about how to save enough for his/
her college education, while still saving
for our own retirement. Instead we do not
have that pressure:'
The ranks of the childfree are growing.
Futurist Faith Popcorn (originally Faith
Plotkin) notes that in 1970, one in 10
American women was childless. Today it's
one in five.
According to the National Center for
Health Statistics, the U.S. fertility rate is at
its lowest level ever. The average number
of children for each woman aged 15 to 44
was 1.86 in 2013, down from 1.9 the year
before.
The U.S. birth rate — the number of
babies born per 1,000 women — was
62.5 in 2013, down from 63 the previous
year, despite the fact that the number
of women of childbearing age has been
increasing since 2007 (when the birth rate
was 69).
The United States is not alone. Birth
rates in many developed countries,
including Germany, Spain, Denmark,
France and the U.K., are even lower.
Popcorn foresees sweeping political
changes as childfree adults reshape the
world, including changes in tax codes that
now favor parents and new reproductive
technologies.
Many childfree couples manage to have

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March 5 • 2015

children in their lives by forming close
and loving relationships with nieces and
nephews.
Michael Hildebrandt and Jessica Camp
enjoy spending time with the two (soon
to be three) children of Michael's older
brother. "I'm so glad we can be part of
their lives:' said Camp. "Without changing
diapers!" added Hildebrandt.
Miles Steam feels the same way. "I have
nothing against kids. I love them. I spend
time with my nieces and nephews and
then give them back!" he said.

Firm Decision

When young couples first announce their
intentions to be childfree, they're often
told, especially by their parents, that
they'll change their minds as they get
older.
Sometimes the parents are right. Some
women in their 30s really do start to ques-
tion their childfree status as they realize
their ability to bear a child will soon end.
"I always knew I wanted to be married,
but I never saw myself having children:'
said Hillary Levin, who married in 2009
at the age of 26. She and her husband,
Jordan, 38, live in Waterford and own
CrossFit Bloomfield.
She says she would still answer "no"
if she's asked about having children.
"However, as I have gotten older I have
been questioning that more and more.
"The thing that has been happening to
me that has never happened to me before
is that every time I see babies and little
kids pushing their mini grocery carts in
the store my heart just melts," she said.
"I start to worry that I will turn 50 and
look back thinking about all the `shoulda,
coulda, wouldas:"
Levin quickly notes though, that "the
second I hear a baby cry or children get
cranky, the melting-heart feeling instantly
disappears:'

Jewish Take
The saying "be fruitful and multiply, and
fill the Earth" is first found in the Torah
in Beresheit (Genesis 1:28) and then again
after the flood when God repeats this to
Noah.

"The first mitzvah (commandment) in
the Torah is for humans to procreate said
Jason Miller, a local Conservative rabbi.
"In the 21st century, however, we under-
stand there are couples for whom that
poses a challenge and also couples who
opt out of parenthood.
"When I meet with couples before their
wedding, we discuss their feelings on par-
enthood. I have yet to meet with a couple
who expresses a desire to never become
parents, but if I do meet such a couple in
the future I would try to encourage them
to consider all of the benefits of raising
children.
"Additionally, I would underscore how
important it is that they are both on the
same page in such a significant decision
because, down the road, if one partner's
mind changes, that could pose a serious
disagreement between them:'
Miller, who has three children, says hav-
ing kids means raising another generation.
"While couples who remain childless
throughout the duration of their marriage
enjoy happy and fulfilling lives together,
I do believe that it's important to leave a
legacy through raising the next genera-
tion. Through adoption and reproductive
innovations, the vast majority of couples
are able to become parents in our time.
"I would certainly encourage couples to
explore those options, but if they are dead
set against parenthood I would respect
their wishes — it is, after all, a very per-
sonal decision for couples:'

No Regrets

Most childfree couples continue happily
into their senior years with no regrets.
"I don't feel we've missed out on
anything; said Gretchen Weiner, 65, of
Livonia. She and her husband, Neil, 69,
have been married for 33 years and never
envisioned having children.
"People with children probably miss
out on some of the interactions we've been
able to have as a couple because we don't
have children," said Weiner, a librarian
at Lawrence Technological University in
Southfield. "I think we may have been able
to be closer to each other at a younger age
than couples with children:'

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