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38
February 12 • 2015
JN
e stake out territory in
our lives. According to
Wiktionary, if it is land,
you use stakes to mark that which
belongs to you. Beyond land, "you
make people know what authority or
responsibility is yours:'
We moved into a home with a two-
car garage when my oldest daughter,
Amy, was 4. At that time, I "staked"
my parking space on the left side of
the garage. The stake held firm for 12
years — and then without notice, I was
evicted from my garage space when
Amy was rewarded with
her first car. From that
day forward there was
nothing I could do. Four
years later, my youngest,
Jenny, was driving, and
with no fanfare, the man
of the house held fourth
positon in a two-car
garage home.
With the girls now
married, the garage is no
longer a material issue.
Though even now, if one
comes home and my spot is open, they
take it. The current territorial battle I
face is with the channel selection on
the bedroom TV.
Normally, I'm second to bed, which
means reruns of the Golden Girls will
be staked out by Bonnie, my wife.
Even if she is sleeping, she has the
remote close to her side and when I
attempt to capture the remote and turn
the station, silence it or turn it off, I
hear, "Hey, I'm watching that!"
So what is the proper way to address
"staking" issues in the home and life?
I know I blew it on the garage 16
years ago on the first day Amy had
her car. That was the day I needed
to "stake" out my place forever and
announce, "No one takes my space —
and I mean no one!"
On the TV issue, I'm not sure.
Because Bonnie is usually occupying
the bedroom first — do I have the
right to demand 50 percent TV time
when I arrive? These are troubling
issues (but not in the global sense).
In the home and life, we have to bal-
ance such issues for the greater good
of peace and harmony. Sometimes,
compromise is the solution. On the
garage issue, we did compromise. I
expanded the width of the driveway
and Bonnie would start my car in the
mornings (before auto-start) and clean
off any snow before I left for the office.
That made my defeat over losing my
space palatable.
We face similar issues in
the workplace. Do we defer to
a co-worker or partner's ter-
ritorial stakes that often arise
though happenstance more
than any form of authoriza-
tion or agreement?
How about in the home,
when one spouse lays stake
to the financial decisions and
then refuses to accommo-
date the wishes of the other.
Should the other spouse be
silenced?
The answer should be based on
what is really at stake. If it's minor and
resolved though compromise, then
that is the smart play. If it goes beyond
that — to the extent it adversely affects
the business, your job position or the
future security or happiness of the
family — then you must find a way to
remove or adjust the stakes to address
the matter.
Typically, I have a solution for any
financial problem. As of now, however,
I have not resolved the bedtime Golden
Girl issue. Perhaps I need to stake out
the bedroom at 8 p.m. or invest in ear-
plugs and a mask!
❑
Ken Gross is an attorney with Thav Gross
PC and host of Law and Reality that airs
weekly at 8:30 a.m. Saturdays on WDFN
1130 AM, "The Fan," and 11 a.m. Sundays
on TV20.