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Parshat Toldot, Shabbat Machar
Chodesh: Genesis 25:19-28:9;
I Samuel 20:18-20:42.
M
odern psychology tells us
that birth order is one of
the most powerful indica-
tors of personality, capa-
bility and even destiny.
Although we might think
that the experience of two
siblings raised by the same
parents in the same home
would be identical, the pres-
ence or lack of brothers/
sisters changes the entire
dynamic of growing up.
First-born children, for
Rabbi
example, go through some
Mil
period of life with the full
attention of their parents
while the baby of a fam-
ily rarely gets a parent's undivided
attention. This affects the way they
compete, the way they share, the way
they view themselves, their degree of
independence and self-esteem, and
much more.
People in the ancient world may
not have taken Psych 101 in college,
but most cultures possessed a strong
understanding about the relevance of
birth order. First-born children were
given great advantages, as the titular
head of a household and recipient of
most inheritance.
By nature of coming into the world
first, they were given every opportuni-
ty to succeed — while younger siblings
had the comfort and frustration of
knowing that they depended on their
older sibling.
Our own Jewish community was no
different. The first-born male (sadly,
our own tradition is replete with
inherent bias toward men ... happily,
this is among the elements of Judaism
that we have been able to fix in moder-
nity) was entitled to extra blessings
and primary inheritance.
The ceremony of pidyon haben
(redeeming the first-born) remains
as an indication of the primacy of
the first-born. In fact, the Torah
expressly forbids one from depriving
the first-born of his rights
(Deuteronomy 21:15-17).
And that is why the story
in this week's Torah por-
tion is surprising. Toldot
describes a situation where
the older brother (Esau)
ends up subservient to the
younger (Jacob). And it is
not by accident. Before they
are even born, God tells
Rebecca that "Two nations
are in your womb. Two
separate peoples shall issue
from your body; One people
shall be mightier than the other. And
the older shall serve the younger"
(Genesis 25:23).
Why?
Once again, I think it comes down
to the masterful way our Jewish tradi-
tion understands human nature. More
than any other religious scripture, our
Torah provides a realistic and prag-
matic structure so that we can build
a thriving society. Jacob grows up in
the shadow of his older brother — just
like the Jewish community has lived as
a minority in larger societies for mil-
lennia.
And just like Jacob, we have been
forced to find our place in the world
without the benefit of easy access and
simple authority.
Torah seems to be suggesting that
birth order — even when it is symbol-
ic, like our place in the world — does
not matter as much as our need to
learn, grow, strive, challenge and over-
come. When we do all that, we might
just be rewarded with the blessing of a
boundless future. Just like Jacob. ❑
Mark Miller is a rabbi at Temple Beth El in
Bloomfield Township.
Pam Feinberg-Rivkin
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ABDA - Interventionist
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November 20 • 2014
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