COMMUNITY JEWFRO RED urn The Things I Learned In 5774 ... n 5774, it was a very good year. It was a very good year for repair- ing the world and Detroit hustling harder. In spite of the premature nostalgia for the 5750s and the way I wrote 5773 on my checks well into the year, I feel exceedingly grateful for the things I learned along the way. Here are a few: 1.In many cultures, rain is a sym- bol for cleansing and new begin- nings. In no cultures (that I am aware of) is untreated waste water a symbol for cleans- ing and new beginnings. 2. An acronym is pronounceable (JARC). Otherwise, it's an initialism (JFS). 3. When creating a pup- pet, the puppeteer applies personality traits to it very early in the process. 4. Kindergarten is a big- ger transition for the par- ents of the kindergartener than the kindergartener himself. 5. If you swear in front of your kids, they will swear in front of you. And the same lack of impulse control that led you to swear in the first place will probably lead you to laugh uncontrollably. Which will only make matters worse. Or better. 6. It takes a village to raise my children. 7. Voting in primaries is important. 8. The best way to ensure extreme winter weather is to cancel your snow-plow service. 9. Extreme winter weather does not mean the Earth is not warming. 10. Israel is hard to talk about. 11. You don't appreciate 1-96 until it's gone. 12. We don't need to widen 1-94. 13.1-76, which runs through Phila- delphia, was not actually named to honor the signing of the Declaration of Independence. 14. For that matter, August Wood- ward claimed that he did not name Woodward after himself but because it ran toward the woods. 15. The best cuisine in Detroit is Thai food served out of a truck. You can find Katoi most nights at Two James Distillery on Michigan Avenue in Corktown. 16. Some people want to find out the gender of their baby before it is born and you shouldn't judge magazine I www.redthreadmagazine.com them, even though they are depriv- ing themselves of life's last great surprise. 17.The best thing you can do as a wedding attendee is make the happy couple feel like their wedding is really special. That and stick to the registry. 18. Detroit has exported a lot of talent. Detroit has also imported a lot of tal- ent. We need to be open to both to build the strongest possible community. 19. Similarly, at a certain point you can't buy new clothes without giving away some of your current clothes. 20. No one deserves Spirit Airlines. 21. The key to develop- ing community partner- ships — or any partnerships, for that matter — is setting and managing expectations. 22. Livernois is teeming with potential. 23. All drivers in Michigan should check the box for the $11 Recreation Passport when they renew their plates. 24. And the organ donor box when they renew their licenses. 25. There are other phones besides iPhones. 26. It is going to be hard to ex- plain to our grandkids why there was a time when two people could be prevented from marrying each other based on their gender. 27. I am not nostalgic for video cassettes. 28. Think twice before stopping on the expressway to save a duck- ling. If you must, make sure you pull all the way over onto the shoulder and that you are wearing proper footwear. Once you have the duck- ling in the car, be prepared for it to poop on your floor mats. If you bring the duckling to a children's concert, it will be very popular and you can pretend that you are the one that is very popular. Until it can fly, the duckling can cohabitate harmoni- ously with baby chicks. Then you must set it free. A new winner every month! visit redthreadmagazine.com for details $50 Gift Card to MassageLuXe 6563 Orchard Lake Road West Bloomfield, MI 48322 ast month's winner 'IRMIlrfarr% WILDLIFE PARK Helene of Southfield won 6 Person VIP pass to Afican Safari Wildlife Park Prizes may vary and prize must be claimed within 30 days of winning or they are voided. our giveaways Are donated by local advertisers; to be considered for a spot in our giveaway page, please contact us at (248) 351-5107. Enter to win at: http://www.redthreadmagazine.comired-thread-giveaway/ This contest opens at noon on the first Thursday of the month and closes at 3 p.m. on the third Thursday of the month. Winners will be chosen and notified by the end of each month. No purchase is necessary to enter or win. One entry per person per month. Please note: Winner's name will be printed in the following issue of Red Thread. RED mum I October 2014 65