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When my husband
and 1 were first mar-
Debra Darvick
ried, we both stayed
physically active. But over the years his
interest has waned. He makes no time
for exercise now and put on weight —
A LOT of weight. The more weight he
gains, the less interested and able he is
to participate in the activities we one
enjoyed together. I make sure that our
meals are well-balanced, but whenever
we dine out he chooses very rich dishes
and dessert.
I know I cannot make him do what he
doesn't want to do; I know that nagging
makes him resentful. But I am afraid for
my husband's health and fear that his
weight could prompt health conditions
that will shorten his life. I love my hus-
band and want us to have many happy
years together. What can I do?
— Overeater's Wife
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Dear Overeater's Wife:
Your concerns for your husband's
health and future weight-related
diseases are valid.You are also wise
to realize that nagging is counter-
productive.The first order of busi-
ness would be for your husband to
schedule a physical with his physician
to rule out any metabolic or glandular
changes that might be playing havoc
with his body.
Once you have in hand a clear pic-
ture of his health, it is time to have as
gentle a discussion with him as pos-
sible. Keep it loving and positive. Re-
mind him of the fun you two used to
have and suggest that the two of you
start walking together. Maybe just a
short walk after dinner each evening.
Perhaps on one of those walks you
can get him to open up about why his
habits have changed. Let him know
how much you love him and how
much you are counting on having as
many years together as possible.
Check out the website — www.
plantbasednutritionsupportgroup.
org — for information about nutri-
tion, reversing heart disease (why not
do all you can to prevent it?), walking
clubs and restaurant events featuring
specially designed menus. The group
was created by local resident Paul
Chatlin who has reversed his heart
disease by changing his lifestyle. The
man is pure inspiration.
In the end, though, as you realize,
it will be up to your husband to make
the changes. I hope that he can find
his way to doing so.
Dear Debra:
My husband and I are considering mov-
ing back to Michigan. Our in-laws are
looking to downsize and my husband
joked that we would buy their house if
and when we move back. They jumped
on this idea and it seems to be a done
deal. I really don't know if this is such
a good plan. I get along well enough
with my in-laws and don't foresee any
difficulties should we return. But I can
also envision potential issues that could
arise if I wanted to make changes to
"their" house. My husband thinks l am
looking for trouble where none exists.
— House Hesitant
Dear Hesitant:
What one calls looking for trouble
where none exists, others might see
as wisdom and foresight. On the
plus side, you seem to have a good
relationship with your in-laws, and I am
sure they are thrilled by the possibility
of having you two back in town. On
the other hand, you must be able to
feel you are living in your own home,
which includes the freedom to repaint,
redecorate or renovate without worry-
ing you are desecrating holy ground.
The next time you and your
mother-in-law are chatting, guide the
discussion to the what- ifs of purchas-
ing their home. Sandwich any con-
cerns about making changes to the
family homestead between slices of
praise for the bones of the house and
your eagerness to make a comfort-
able home for you and your husband
back in Michigan.
Most important is the discussion
with your husband. You need to move
forward together, making the home
your own. If you do purchase your
in-laws' home, (which in many ways
sounds very sweet), perhaps create
some sort of I'dor vador (from genera-
tion to generation) rituals. As part of
the chanukat habayit (dedication of
your new home when you affix the
mezzuzot) ask your in-laws to share
some stories of raising your husband
and his siblings in the house. Incorpo-
rate a photo or two of your husband
as a child into your home decor. Or
create a then and now montage —
pair childhood photos with ones of
your husband recreating the same
scenes today, thus giving a nod to
family history while focusing on the
present.
Debra Darvick shares her unique take on life,
books and more at debradarvick.com .
1939180
44 September 2014
I RED THREAD
www.redthreadmagazine.com