arts & entertainment Hello ... I Do! Modern-day matchmakers introduce arranged marriage to reality TV. Hannah Dreyfus New York Jewish Week R eality TV seems to be learning a thing or two from haredi dating. In the new FYI reality show Married at First Sight, six singles agree to be set up by a team of four profes- sional matchmakers — and legally marry their selected mate upon first meeting. The professionals — a sociologist, a psychologist, a sexologist and a spiritual adviser — claim to use "scientific meth- ods" to find three compatible couples from a pool of 50 singles. And while none of the participants is Jewish, three out of the four matchmakers are. "Can it just be a coincidence that we're all Jewish?" said Greg Epstein, the show's "spiritual adviser:' "Probably not," he laughed. Epstein, 37, who grew up attending a Reform synagogue in Flushing, Queens, N.Y., also goes by "Rabbi" — he received his ordination as a Humanist rabbi in 2005 and today serves as the Humanist chaplain at Harvard University. He doesn't usually use his rabbi title and felt 'spiritual adviser' was a safer bet for the show. Matchmaking is well-entrenched in Jewish culture. Even today, most haredi communities use matchmakers to medi- ate between young couples. "Shidduch resumes" — documents that include information about the indi- vidual's family, education and values, along with references and photographs — are traded between matchmakers and then given to eligible singles. Once both sides have agreed upon the match, the couple goes out. Depending on the com- munity, the courtship can last between one date and several months. Married at First Sight, which pre- miered July 8 on A&E's FYI Network, takes these minimalistic dating practices to a new level by eliminating dating completely. Though each couple is given the option of getting a legal divorce at the show's close, it is clear from the epi- sodes thus far that each couple is com- mitted to the long term. "Putting marriage first actu- ally increases the likelihood that these couples will succeed," said sociologist Dr. Pepper Schwartz, one of the show's 40 August 7 • 2014 JN matchmakers. "With marriage comes an immediate commitment to try and make things work, no matter what," said Schwartz. Dating, on the other hand, leaves much more room to back out when confronted with any hurdle, she said. "It's all about the mindset going into a relationship. If you start at the altar, you go in ready to compromise and deter- mined to work through differences." Married at First Sight, which is slated for a 10-episode run, is not the only reality dating show that skips the usual stages of courtship. VH1's new series Dating Naked introduces two complete strangers to one another — minus their clothing. Both shows take the fast track to intimacy, leaving the treacherous dat- ing scene in the dust. And modern-day matchmaking is not exclusive to the Jewish community. In Singapore, the government pro- vides matchmaking services to all citi- zens, making the role of matchmaker into an institutionalized position. In India, classified ads are filled with par- ents looking to marry off their children. But, thanks to Fiddler on the Roof, Jewish matchmaking has a particularly strong resonance in the American cul- tural landscape. "We come from a minority commu- nity, where there has historically been a strong focus on whomever you're dat- ing, and whomever you're not dating," said Epstein. "For centuries, Jews didn't have the liberty to date outside the fold. Matchmakers flourished within small, insular communities:' It's not just the Jewish people's history of persecution that has given countless yentas jobs over the years. According to the show's sexologist, Dr. Logan Levkoff, matchmaking is rooted in the Jewish view of sexuality. "Sexuality was never prohibited or looked down upon in Judaism," said Levkoff, who comes from a "proud" Jewish background. "That's why matchmaking was always encouraged. Marriage and sex are praised and made priorities:' Raised on Long Island with a strong sense of Jewish identity, Levkoff had always envisioned a unique career path for herself. "As a Jewish woman, I was always taught the importance of giving Left to right: Jewish matchmaking "experts" Pepper Schwartz, Greg Epstein and Logan Levkoff, with non-Jewish "expert" psychologist Joseph Cilona. back and challenging norms," she said. Participating in Marriage at First Sight was one way to challenge the norm. She, too, was pleasantly surprised to find that two out of her three co-professionals were Jewish. "The fact that so many of the experts were Jewish speaks to a larger picture of how Jews embrace taking risks when it comes to love," said Levkoff. However she stressed that the show is not mod- eled on Fiddler on the Roof "This is a modern-day social experi- ment," she said. So — could matchmaking experience a renaissance in the modern, main- stream singles scene? Dr. Pepper Schwartz thinks it could happen. "People are already trying to use experts to help them find somebody — it's not such a far jump to what we're doing on the show:' said Schwartz, who also comes from a strong Jewish back- ground. While the average single might not want the "drama" of meeting directly at the altar, using an intermediary is a very palatable option for many. For example, "the singles scene in New York is downright intimidating," said Epstein. "There are millions upon millions of options. In today's world, you can literally date whomever you want — man or woman, from any racial, ethnic or socioeconomic background. For many singles, the options can be paralyzing:' When cultural and religious barri- ers don't exist, there needs to be some method of discerning Mr. Right from a first-date nightmare. "Singles need some sort of method of narrowing down the options," said Schwartz. "For some, a matchmaker could be the answer:' Still, Levkoff warned against singles depending too heavily on the shadchan (matchmaker). Successfully navigating the singles scene requires knowledge of self, more than anything else, she said. "In the best-case scenario, this show will introduce the idea of matchmaking into the public discourse. It's an oppor- tunity to challenge preconceived notions about the practice. But individuals still need to take responsibility for their own love lives," said Levkoff, who was careful to refer to herself as a "social scientist:' not a matchmaker. But viewers don't always make the distinction. Epstein, for example, has been flood- ed with matchmaking requests since appearing on the show. "I couldn't believe how many people were emailing me to ask if I could be their matchmaker," he said. "Gay cou- ples, older couples — I received thou- sands of emails." But, he stressed, the point of the show is not to encourage a "diffusion of responsibility" when it comes to rela- tionships, but rather to "promote radical thoughtfulness:' "It's tempting to put your life in the hands of an 'expert' and say, 'OK — fix this. Find me love: But that is not the point of the show," he said. "If viewers take away one thing from this show, I hope it is the necessity of intense introspection before you look for a significant other," he said. While Epstein plays a matchmaker by day, he stresses that neither he nor his three colleagues have all the answers. "I prefer it be clear that I'm just giv- ing advice — I'm not making foolproof matches," he said. "I might be a rabbi," he said, "but I'm not privy to Divine information:' ❑ Married at First Sight airs at 9 p.m. Tuesdays on the FYI Network. Catch up with previous episodes On Demand or online at www.fyi.tv.