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Letting Go Of The Past
H
ow many times have you
said: "I wish I hadn't done
that" or "I'm disappointed
that it didn't turn out better:'
For many of us, too often we have
looked back on some event or encoun-
ter and wished it had ended
in another way. Life, unlike
kids' games, offers few do-
overs. We are stuck with
what happened and need to
find ways to move beyond
those times.
As our lives become
increasingly busy, it gets
harder to find time for
people we value and events
we cherish. We all have
known the feeling: A person
we've known and even loved
has died. Only then do we
question why we failed to
call, visit, talk with and learn from
him or her.
When they were accessible, we may
have become frustrated or rude when
hearing their same stories repeated too
many times. Looking back, we long to
hear those irreplaceable stories once
more. Only after do we become aware
of what we will miss and never get
back. Though we may resolve not to let
it happen again, of course, it will.
When spouses or siblings quar-
rel, it is usually about small things.
Under different circumstances, such
disagreements need not be divisive.
Sometimes, however, little tiffs get
out of control. In the heat of the argu-
ment, we say or do something that can
disrupt or even destroy relationships.
There are families where siblings stop
talking to each other; for spouses
unresolved disputes lead to divorce.
Such estrangements continue long
after no one can recall what the fight
was about. In rare cases, someone in
the family takes it upon herself to keep
those branches of the family tree from
being severed, but this is a risk few take.
As we get older, we look back on our
many mistakes, like those that have
affected our health. Every day our bod-
ies remind us of the lifestyles choices
that were not in our best interest. Too
often, too late, we acknowledge that
junk food and sugary treats affect our
heart efficiency. Painful joints and
muscles remind us of exercises we put
off to do less strenuous activities.
Throughout our lives we reflect
on how past penchants affect future
decisions. Better alterna-
tives only come to mind
in hindsight. We regularly
hear stories in the news
about people who acted
irresponsibly by drinking
too much or driving too
fast. Confident they could
avoid danger, they still
caused an accident or were
pulled over. One moment of
thoughtlessness led to law-
yers and courts, lost driving
privileges or potential jail
time. Not to mention how
the embarrassment and
compromise of reputations can impact
lives for years to come.
How you make important decisions
can sidetrack your entire life trajec-
tory. Changing even one important life
choice can reverberate throughout the
course of a lifetime. What if you took
up a different career, married someone
else or formed other social relation-
ships?
Some people make choices impul-
sively, such as giving up a stellar
opportunity to move closer to a love
interest or to relocate away from fam-
ily influences. Others feel pressure
to follow a traditional family profes-
sion. There is no way to know if these
altered courses would make life hap-
pier. There is no crystal ball that lets
us see what our alternate lives would
be like.
We know there have been many
misgivings in our lives. Still, as Frank
Sinatra sang, we've "had regrets, but
then again, too few to mention:'
In order for 01' Blue Eyes' words to
ring true, we need to reflect on the
past as reference points. In order to
move forward, don't linger on those
past regrets.
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Dr. Daniel Rosenbaum is a clinical social
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July 17 • 2014
49