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Independent Living in a Luxurious Senior Community
Diane Levy-Rubinstein (left) counsels a woman from West Bloomfield.
a residence of Jewish Senior Life
6760 West Maple Road, West Bloomfield, Michigan
48322
Eugene and Marcia Applebaum Jewish Community Campus
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Detroit Jewish News
JEWISH SENIOR LIFE
For information or to visit, call Marcia Mittelman
at 248-661-1836 or visit
www.jsimi.org for an application!
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Retiree volunteers with those who
have lost loved ones.
Stacy Gittleman
I Contributing Writer
on One Bedroom —
Apartments
re s t
Grappling With Grief
28966 Woodward Ave.
Royal Oak, MI 48067
248-565-8467
fax 248-565-8476
www.awomansimage.net
43205 Garfield Rd.
Clinton Township, MI 48038
586-286-1277
fax 586-286-1702
Participating provider with Medicare
and most insurances
D
iane Levy-Rubinstein,
L.M.S.W., of West Bloomfield,
keeps herself busy since
she retired from her 29-year posi-
tion as an outpatient psychotherapist
with Macomb County in 2013. She
opened a private counseling practice
in Farmington Hills. She is a personal
shopper and a co-founder of Top This,
a pop-up fashion boutique.
The most meaningful aspect of her
retired life, though, is her volunteer
work helping others who have recently
experienced death.
Levy-Rubinstein counsels the griev-
ing — from 25-year-olds who have
lost a friend or parent to 80-year-olds
who have lost a spouse — at a drop-in
free bereavement group that meets 7
to 8:30 p.m. every other Thursday at
Temple Israel in West Bloomfield.
No stranger to loss, Levy-Rubinstein
lost her father to cancer when she was
a 19-year-old college student. Going
to counseling helped her through her
grief and anger. She said that grief
does not necessarily strike a person
immediately following the death of a
loved one.
"They may be going on autopilot for
months or years at a time, and then
something triggers a wave of grief'
Levy-Rubinstein said, recalling some
of the stories of the members of the
group. "Many who experience loss try
to keep as busy as possible. But when
you grieve, it is important to face the
sadness, and even anger, and not block
it out"
As in her practice with her private
clients, Levy-Rubenstein uses a meth-
od called Dialectical Behavior Therapy
(DBT) to facilitate the group. DBT
places the emphasis on validating and
accepting uncomfortable feelings and
thoughts rather than denying them.
During the 90-minute sessions, par-
ticipants introduce themselves, share
their stories and feelings, and then
carefully listen to others without much
"cross conversation:' Discussions are
completely confidential and the group
is open to all faiths and religions.
Though religious perspectives on
mourning are not formally a part of the
group therapy, participants often speak
of being angry with God or even losing
faith with God, which Levy-Rubinstein
says is "perfectly normal" during grief.
Levy-Rubinstein recognizes that a
person is progressing through grief's
stages when they can live with the
memories of their loved one yet not
experience sadness on a daily basis.
They may try out new activities or
experiences that their loved ones may
have even been holding them back
from doing, she added.
Levy-Rubinstein said it gives her
joy to see members of the group gain
support from one another and grow
emotionally into the "new normal"
when they can hold on to the memo-
ries of their loved ones without feeling
profound sadness while still moving on
with their own pursuits and pleasures.
She shares tears with the group, and
then shares in their joy, when, for exam-
ple, a widow shares the news with her
that she is finally ready to go on a date.
"Death is transformative for the
ones left behind" Levy-Rubinstein
said, adding that it eventually leads to
a time of self-discovery and it helps to
maintain a sense of humor.
"They may start wearing that fra-
grance they always liked but their
spouse didn't or doing things that their
spouse or partner didn't enjoy doing.
They may even yell at their deceased
spouse when something breaks in the
house and they are no longer around
to fix it:'
❑
For more information on the Temple
Israel drop-in bereavement group, contact
Laura Koziol at (248) 661-5700 or laura®
temple-israel.org.