COMMUNITY
waken the
eauty
MAVEN
Dear Debra
G
ot a burning question? Need some advice?
You can now submit a question anonymously
at Red Thread's website, www.redthreadmagazine.
com/contact/send-question, and look for an answer in
next month's edition.
Dear Debra,
I am a longtime mem-
Debra Darvick
ber of a committee at
shut. Each committee
member signs up at the beginning of
the year for that year's commitments.
The chair has this annoying habit of
sending out reminders at least every
two months. He knows I am happy to
do this job. I have never forgotten and
have asked him not to send me these
reminder emails. Shall I chalk it up to his
eccentricities? — Perplexed
X ST MAPLE
PLASTIC SURGERY
Specializing in Cosmetic Surgery &
Aesthetic & Reconstructive Breast Surgery
M.D. FAGS
DANIEL SHERBERT,
Certified by The American Board of Surgery, The American Board of
Plastic Surgery I Fellowship Trained in Aesthetic I Reconstructive
Breast Surgery
(248) 865-6400
5807 W. Maple • Suite 177 • West Bloomfield
GET YOUR SKINNY BACK
Alicia lost 40 lbs and 4 dress sizes*
Complete nutrition
Four different programs
One-on-one counseling
DIET
CENTER
The Weight Loss Proftssionals..
248-932-DIET (3438)
Orchard Lake Road just South of 15 mile
For 41 years, more than 15 million dieters have trusted Diet Center
'Individual results may vary.
1928010
Call today to
book your
child!
• -leo.
1/0_tr, I
Immin•Ri n'q19
- - -
6
Faster Swimmers.
Faster Results.
Summer Jump Start Clinics!
Year-Round Swim Lessons!
4 months - 12 years of age
4:1 student-to-teacher ratio
30-minute weekly lessons
Our pools are 90 degrees!
Locations, times & details can
be found on our website:
goldfishswimschool.com
p LIKE US on Facebook!
1913980
32 July 2014
I RED MAD
Dear Perplexed,
I'd bet a dozen bagels he wishes he
had a whole committee of folks who
never needed reminding and never
forget to show up! Then he'd be free
and clear to go fishing, read the latest
New Yorker or check out a new restau-
rant in town.
Even the most dedicated folks
sometimes forget to show up and
welcome extra reminders.
The committee chair has likely
assembled all his volunteers in one
address file. You don't really expect
him to include your name for the first
mailing, delete it for all subsequent
ones and then reinstate it the next
year, do you? Next reminder you
receive, simply hit the delete key,
disposing of the annoying email and
maybe your peevishness, too. Better
yet, before deleting the chairman's re-
minder, hit reply and acknowledge all
his hard work. What you call eccentric,
I'd call practical. And often thankless.
Dear Debra,
I am the oldest of three brothers. Our
middle brother died this year, and it is
time to order and pay for his headstone.
Baby Brother says he does not have the
money, but will reimburse me when
middle brother's estate is settled. I know
very well that my brother could afford
to contribute his share, but chooses to
spend his money on lavish vacations,
kitchen renovations and expensive
clothes.
Baby Brother has pulled this kind of
shenanigans before and I'm tired of it.
What can I do to make him pull his fair
share in this? — Big Brother
Dear Big Brother,
Start by dropping the terms Big
Brother and Baby Brother, which
reinforces the roles of responsible vs.
irresponsible siblings.
If you can pay up front for the
headstone, have your brother sign a
promissory note stipulating his corn-
mitment to repay you when middle
brother's estate is settled. Provide the
executor of your deceased brother's
estate with a notarized copy of it as
well. Your personal attorney can guide
you here.
If by"shenanigans"you mean that
your brother has wiggled out of
other financial commitments, you
may have to be prepared to pay for
the headstone yourself or take him
to court. But if by shenanigans you
mean he lets others make the first
move and then ponies up, you can
be reasonably confident you will be
reimbursed.
Since Jewish law requires that a
tombstone be prepared to mark the
deceased's burial plot, you might
consider ordering one for yourself
when you purchase the stone for your
deceased brother so you won't have
to rely on your younger brother.
Dear Debra,
Two days after I RSVP 'd to my younger
niece's wedding, an invitation to her
older sister's wedding arrived! These
out-of-town weddings are six months
apart. We cannot afford to go to both.
I am peeved that my sister didn't
warn me before I RSVP'd. Wouldn't it
have been more considerate to space
the weddings more widely or have
one big affair since many of the same
people will be invited to both? My
sister has already made noises that she
expects me to attend both.
— Aggravated Auntie
Dear Aggravated,
Would that we could dictate how our
hosts should organize their affairs. But
we can't. If the financial impact makes
attending both weddings out of the
question for your husband and you,
perhaps you can divide and conquer.
Let your husband attend one wedding
and you attend the other. Or let hubby
off the hook and you attend both, kind
of a one-for-the-price-of-two solution
that also pleases your sister who is
expecting you at both. Just be sure to
let Bride No. 1 know immediately that
you will be attending solo.
Once you have decided how you will
handle the RSVPs, shift your attention
from aggravation to celebration. We
call weddings simchahs for a reason —
simchah means happiness, and that's
what every bride and groom is entitled
to on their wedding day.
Debra Darvick shares her unique take on life,
books and more at debradarvick.com.
www.redthreadmagazine.com