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A Pesach 'Tail'
T
he Jews in ancient Egypt were busy as bees, dropping
like flies and sobbing big, fat crocodile tears. This
made Moses barking mad. He made a bee-line for
Pharaoh and said, "Let my people goat!" But Pharaoh was all,
"When pigs fly!" and "You're barking up the wrong tree!"
Moses was like, "Get off your high
horse!" And Pharaoh was like, "Why do
you have to be such a fly in the ointment,
anyway? Fine, y'all can go:' But he was
lion.
Bring on the plagues: Blood made the
Egyptians feel like fish out of water, frogs
got them hoppin mad, lice were liter-
ally bees in their bonnets, wild animals
badgered them, and then all their farm
animals keeled over and croaked, cold
Roche!
turkey. The boils were un-bear-able, after
Burstyn
which it began raining cats and dogs with
Special to the
two-tone hail, and the locusts settled in
Jewish News
as snug bugs in their rugs. Then a thick
darkness seal-ed them to their spots.
It wasn't until the last plague, Death of the Firstborn, that
Pharaoh had a cow. "Hold your horses:' he said as he rea-liced,
"I'm a firstborn:'
A sheepish Pharaoh ran around town like a chicken without
its head as he searched fran-tick-ly for Moses. "Goat outta hare
he said, and Moses was happy as a clam. "Free as a bird!" he
crowed.
Moses gathered the flock and herded them out, though they
only had time to crab what they cud, like bread that was half-
baked (a far bird-cry from the Ben & Jerry's flavor).
A leopard changes its spots just like an old dog learns new
tricks: Pharaoh thought he must've been barking mad and
promptly changed his mynah. A wild goose chase ensued, until
ultimately the Jews found themselves stuck between a rockfish
and a hard place — with the Egyptian (sw)army on one side
and the Red Sea on the other.
How were they meant to get a-crocs ... fly? Ready to take the
bull by its horns, one guy dove in. That's when God made a
miracle and the sea split. Never one to look a gift horse in the
mouth, the Jews walked through to freedom, saying "Hippo-
hippo-hooray!" Meanwhile, the Egyptians led their horses to
water — and suffice it to say, curiosity killed the old bats.
The Jews continued on their way to Mount Sinai where they
received the Torah and the rest is hiss-story.
So how do we celebrate? We don't eat like a bird, that's for
sure! We have egg-sellent meals called seders where we over-
does on certain foods like ma-roar and mutts-a, we drink
(wine) like a fish, and ask the fur questions. Ultim-ape-ly, we're
Pesach party animals!
❑
On The Cover:
JN CONTENTS
theJEWISHNEWS.com
April 10-April 16, 2014 I 10-16 Nisan 5774 I Vol. CXLV, No. 10
Ann Arbor
Around Town
Arts/Entertainment .
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Here's To
Home
Israel
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Next Generation
56
Obituaries
89
Out & About
65
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Points Of View
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55
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Columnists
Danny Raskin
Robert Sklar
75
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Isaac Brynjegard-Bialik is a
California papercut artist who
layers cut-up comic books to
draw parallels between comic
mythologies and religious tradi-
tions. "Gelulah" is about truly
being free. To see more, go to
www.nicejewishartist.com .
Shabbat and Holiday Lights
Shabbat: Friday, April 11, 7:52 p.m.
Shabbat Ends: Saturday, April 12, 8:55 p.m.
Pesach, Day 1: Monday, April 14, 7:55 p.m.
Pesach, Day 2: Tuesday, April 15, 8:59 p.m.
Holiday Ends: Wednesday, April 16, 9 p.m.
Shabbat: Friday, April 18, 8 p.m.
Shabbat Ends: Saturday, April 19, 9:04 p.m.
Pesach, Day 7: Sunday, April 20, 8:02 p.m.
Pesach, Day 8: Monday, April 21, 9:07 p.m.
Holiday Ends: Wednesday, April 22, 9:08 p.m.
Times are from Yeshiva Beth Yehudah calendar.
Cover page design: Debbie Schultz.
The Detroit Jewish News (USPS 275-520) is
published every Thursday at 29200 Northwestern
Highway, #110, Southfield, Michigan. Periodical
postage paid at Southfield, Michigan, and
additional mailing offices. Postmaster: send changes
to: Detroit Jewish News, 29200 Northwestern
Highway, #110, Southfield, MI 48034.
As co-chairs of Hebrew Free
Loan's April 13 Jump Start Small
Business event, CircleBuilder.com
CEO Howard Brown and Quicken
Loans Senior Analyst Heyden
Graham want to bring attention to
Michigan-based businesses.
"The Marvin I. Danto Small
Business Loan Program showcases
the power of the Jewish community
to drive economic growth," said
Brown. "With interest-free lending
we can help fuel the passion to
live, work and grow your business
in Michigan. What's so unique
about this is how much the agency
cares about the businesses it funds.
They even pair borrowers with
mentors to help them get past the
pitfalls launching a new enterprise."
The Jump Start event will feature
a business pitch session similar to
the Shark Tank reality series, featuring
a panel of local business notables.
There will also be networking
opportunities, a keynote speaker
and brunch.
"It promises to be an exciting
day," said Graham. "We're serving
up hot coffee and the last bread
before Pesach, as well as a chance
to learn a little and meet other people
who are also business-minded."
Hebrew Free Loan's
Marvin I. Danto
Small Business Loan Program
presents
Jump Start
Sunday, April 13, 2014
10:00 am.
Lawrence Technological University
$10 per person. Register at
www.hfldetroitorg/jumpstart
248.723.8184
Hebrew Free Loan gives interest-
free loans to members of our
community for a variety of
personal and small business
needs. HFL loans are funded
entirely through community
donations which continually
recycle to others, generating
many times the original value
to help maintain the lives of
local Jews.
HEBREW
FREE *LOAN
hfidetroicorg
We Provide Loans. We Promise Dignity.
6735 Telegraph Road, Suite 300 • Bloomfield Hills, MI 48301
Hebrew Free Loan Detroit
The
JN
WWI Federation
111. @HILDetroit
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April 10 • 2014
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