frontlines

Stumped By The Name Game

F

rom Romeo and Juliet: Act II, Scene II. Alan
Muskovitz in the role of Romeo.
Juliet: "What's in a name? That which we call a
rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
Romeo: "I'm sorry m'lady, did you say your name was Rose?"

■

I can't remember peoples' names. I was never really
that good at it, but after years of sleep deprivation,
ADD and admitted mental laziness on my part, I'm
forgetting more and more names.
To add insult to injury, it inevitably ends up involv-
ing people who never forget mine! I was just in a con-
versation with a friend of mine
about this the other day ... whose
name escapes me.
Can you relate to the follow-
ing? You're at a social gathering
and "Frank" comes up to you
and says, "Hi Al, how've you
been?" To which you hesitantly
reply, "Hi ... urn, uh, buddy, great
to see you, too!" Awkward pause,
followed by Frank being forced to
Alan
introduce himself to your wife, to
Muskovitz
which you reply: "Oh, I'm sorry

Jewish News
Columnist

for not introducing you, Frank,
I thought you knew my wife." It's

humiliating.
In my case, I actually think there may be a hereditary
component to forgetting names. My father, of blessed mem-
ory, offers a telling example. On a family trip to Israel many
years ago, we had the honor of meeting a member of the
Knesset inside the hallowed halls of Israel's government. I'll
never forget how proud my father was when he introduced us
— not by name — but as "this is my wife, my son, my daughter-
in-law, my grandson, my cousin, my ..." My, my, oh my dear old
dad couldn't come up with our names if his life depended on it!

JN CONTENTS

There is hope. Over the years I've become reliant on
a helpful mental exercise to retrieve a name. I simply
recite the alphabet slowly to myself and without fail a
letter will trigger a person's identity. The key, though,
is having enough time to recite the alphabet and to
linger on that special letter long enough to allow
your brain to do its work.
In the example above, "Frank' was upon
me before I could do my ABCs. In a perfect
world, I would've have seen "Frank" from
a distance, recited the alphabet, stopped
on "F:' worked my way through the names
Fred, Fenwick, Felipe and Farouk, until Frank
would illuminate that proverbial lightbulb
above my head to save the day. (For the record, I've
recently switched the incandescent light bulb over
my head to a more eco-friendly LED bulb.)
Good news. I think I may have a foolproof solu-
tion. Mandatory name tags for everyone that must
be worn every time you go out in public. They can
be as simple as those "Hello My Name Is" peel-off
name tags you see at conventions. Also, while I'm not a
big fan of tattoos, one could argue there's even a place
for them in solving this problem. You have to admit,
for years tattoos have been responsible for at least
helping us remember somebody's girlfriend or boy-
friend's name that is inked onto their arm or buttocks;
the latter should you bump into them in a locker room.
Folks, I'm so confident that between my alphabet tech-
nique and mandatory name tags, the days of the "unknown"
person are behind us or my name isn't it, um, uh, hmmm,
give me a second. "A." A! Alan! See, I told you it works!

❑

Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting talent, speaker, emcee and
a regular guest host on the Mitch Albom Show on WJR AM 760. Visit his
website at www.laughwithbigal.com .

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April 3-April 9, 2014 I 3-9 Nisan 5774 I Vol. CXLV, No. 9

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Ex-P.M. Olmert
Convicted Of
Taking Bribes

Elie Leshem
Times
of Israel
I

T

he Tel Aviv District Court on
March 31 convicted former Israeli
Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, along
with nine other former senior officials and
businessmen, of taking and giving bribes in
the development of a massive Jerusalem con-
struction project promoted while Olmert was
mayor of the city more than a decade ago.
The ruling marks the
first time a former Israeli
prime minister has been
convicted of bribery in
what has been called one
of the worst corruption
scandals in the country's
history.
Ehud Olmert
The verdict appeared
to put an end to Olmert's
lingering hopes of mak-
ing a comeback to national politics.
Sentencing will take place at a later date,
but legal experts say that the conviction
will almost certainly entail years in prison
for Olmert. A first sentencing hearing was
set for April 28.
"We will weigh our options going for-
ward:' lead defense attorney Roy Blecher
said outside the courtroom. "The last word
has not been said."
At the center of the case was the Holyland
housing development, a hulking hilltop
project that Jerusalem residents long sus-
pected was tainted by corruption. The case
broke in 2010 after Shmuel Dachner, a busi-
nessman who was involved in the project,
turned state's witness. Dachner died last
year from an illness.
Judge David Rozen's 700-page decision
included reams of biting criticism, much of
it reserved for Olmert.
According to the decision, the state's wit-
ness gave Olmert's debt-ridden brother Yossi
Olmert post-dated checks for a half-million
shekels ($143,000) at Olmert's behest.
Dachner was representing real estate devel-
oper Hillel Charney, who was convicted on
Monday of money laundering and bribing
Olmert, his then-assistant — and future
Jerusalem mayor — Uri Lupolianski, and
others.
"The broad canvas painted by the state's
witness revealed corrupt systems of govern-
ment that had rotted over the years:' Rozen
said in his decision.
Olmert was mayor of Jerusalem from
1993-2003, after which he served as a cabi-
net minister, holding the trade and industry
portfolio as well as several others, before
becoming prime minister in 2006. He led
the center-right Kadima party into govern-
ment, but resigned from the premiership in
September 2008 after police recommended
that he be indicted in several graft cases.

❑

April 3 • 2014

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