COMMUNITY • • , •••••••,. VERAWANG BRIDE MAVEN 7 7 Dear Debra of a burning question? Need some advice? Send a note to Dear Debra at deardebra@renmedia.us, and look for an answer in next month's edition. FEBRUARY 9, Dear Debra: Our daughter-in-law is expecting our first grandchild. She's a delightful woman, Debra Darvick and I've tried always to be welcoming. She said recently that when the time comes, she wants their child to carry on family tradition and call me what she called her grandmother. I asked what this nickname was and was not thrilled by the answer — GooGah. I do not want to be called GooGah! I wasn't asked how I felt about this, but since her comment was made in passing, I kept quiet. However, the thought of being called GooGah makes me want to GooGag. What can I do? — Grandma, Please 27m TROUGHT MARCH 1ST COUTURE BRIDAL TRUNK SHOW , SPRING 2014 COLLECTION Dear GooG oops, Grandma, 708"N. OLD WOODWARD AVE. I BIRMINGHAM I MI 1 48009 248.723.4300 I ROMASPOSA.COM 188276 I HERALD WHOLESALE PREMIER BATH, LIGHTING & HARDWARE We Carry: Baldwin Blanco Casablanca Crystorama Grohe Hansgrohe Hinkley Minka Murray Feiss Rohl Ronbow Schonbek Top Knobs Victoria Albert ...And many more T 40% OFF Any One Item Storewide With ad, on qualifying products, new orders only ■, 1 1765 W. MAPLE RD. • TROY • (248) 398-4560 wwvv.heraldwholesale.com M & Th 9 am- 7 pm • Sat 9 am -4 pm T W & F 9 am -5..30 pm What a special time in your life, antici- pating your first grandchild, appreciat- ing your son's wife for her many good qualities, even if name-choosing isn't one of them. Unless the baby enters the world talking, you have 18 months to two years to resolve this. I imagine that one day, after the baby is born, she may well bring this up again, projecting her future joy at hearing her child use this special name. Ask her how the name came to be. Likely she'll recall her 2-year-old self unable to say Grandma or Granny and substituting the offending moniker. At that point, mention you're partial to Grandma but whatever you are called will be wonderful. Any number of things may happen: Baby may well mangle GooGah into something more palatable; you will refer to yourself as Grandma and your grandchild will pick up on it; you will make a big deal out of this and create tension that will make future visits few and fraught. Or you will be GooGah, and won't care a whit because you will be caught up in the delight and magic of having a grandchild. Dear Debra: At a recent shivah visit, it was time for the service. Most of us took up the prayer book and followed along. The couple in front of me whipped out their cell phones and started scrolling away on Face- book, phones tucked into their siddurim (prayer books). They were obviously observant, and you would have thought that they, of all people, would have had more respect. Aside from bopping them on the head, what could I have done or said? — iRate Dear iRate, Good thing you didn't bop them on the head, but I certainly understand the urge. You could have said some- thing, such as,"What, were you raised in a barn?"or the kinder and gentler, "We are all here to support the be- reaved. Surely you can do the Face- book thing in a few moments?" In all likelihood, though, you would have been treated to some eye-rolling and perhaps even a snide,"Go back to the 20th century, why don't you?" What else sticks in your craw is your mention that this couple was"obvi- ously observant,"your logic being that those so visibly following a certain Jewish path should know better.Reli- gious observance and good manners don't necessarily go hand in hand.The unintended flip side of your argument assumes that non-observant Jews would be more likely to text while praying; that casts aspersions of your own, so let's not even go there. Bottom line, these phones are here to stay, and occasionally so is the rude behavior that their owners display. Un- less the miscreants are being disrup- tive, best to silence comments, even if you are vibrating with outrage. Dear Debra: In our wonderful, charitable community, every time I turn around someone I know is being honored, and, of course, we are invited to the dinner. I hate to disappoint my friends, but attending each event is beyond our means. If! attend one but not another, I am afraid of insulting the couple whose event we miss. How can I say no and preserve our budget as well as the relationships we have with many dear friends? — Friends with Benefit Dinners Dear Friends, Perhaps in lieu of attending the din- ners, contribute to the event's ad book or donate to the organization honor- ing your friends. Surely good friends will understand budget limitations and realize that your attendance, or absence, is not an indication of the value you place on the friendship. You cannot control the reactions of the couples whose event you do not attend. If they freeze you out over such a choice, perhaps the friendship is best left at the hors d'oeuvres table. Successful author and blogger Debra Darvick is the author of "This Jewish Life:Stories of Discovery, Connection and Joy"and "I Love Jewish Faces." Darvick shares her unique take on life, books and more at debradarvick.com. 1900820 34 March 2014 !RED THREAD www.redthreadmagazine.com