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I have just recon-
nected with a dear
cousin. We had been
close as children, but
Debra Darvick
her mother was a
divisive person and over time we drifted
apart. I attended her mother's funeral
recently, and we are renewing our
relationship.
I visited her last fall and we had a love-
ly time, except for one thing. Her 9-year
old son's behavior is atrocious. While his
mom and I were talking, he marched into
the room and ordered my cousin to start
making dinner. She meekly responded
that she'd begin dinner soon. I was ap-
palled but kept quiet.
My cousin wants me to visit again.
How can I broach with my cousin that
she is grooming her little monster of a
son to be an even bigger monster come
adolescence? I won't be able to hold my
tongue a second time.
www.traditiontradition.com
r
NE
F I L MS
( ..7 3 , 6 \
gl
ee746/' from now, when you're reminiscing
with your family, wouldn't you love to re-live
those moments? The perfect wedding day, the
expression on his face when he first saw you
in your wedding dress, your Father walking
you down the aisle, or your touching vows.
Count on TONE-e Films to catch every heartfelt
moment, every breathtaking detail, and every
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you can't remember Zayde's hilarious toast,
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Docu-Wedding films.
I
4
— Lost My Cool
Dear Lost,
TRADITION! TRADITION!
(248)557-0109 Alicia R. Nelson
bkr,
My wife and I have been trying to con-
ceive for some time now. We haven't
shared our difficulties with our parents
as we agree this is a highly personal
matter. My in-laws are not the pry-
ing type. My mom, on the other hand
peppers her conversations with wishes
for grandchildren. I have asked her as
gently as I can to stop with the hinting.
Last week, Mom called hours after we
learned that our difficulty lies with me.
When she made a passing reference to
a friend's grandchildren, I lost it and told
her to leave us alone, and then let it slip
that I am the one with the issues. Just
what I want — my mother knowing that
my guys are not up to the task. Now she
is all over us with sympathy and advice.
My wife is upset that I shared our private
matters and insists that we tell her folks
since my mother knows. How do I get my
mother to back off?
— Conflicted Cousin
Dear Conflicted,
When it all becomes a
we bring it back into focus.
Dear Debra,
fides &Wage
(248) 481-4147
www.TONE-eFilms.com
1895080
Log on to JNonline.us
giveaways • forums • calendars
I agree that if Little Monster's behav-
ior isn't nipped in the bud, chances
are he'll grow up into a big monster.
But don't use the"M" word with your
cousin!
First, decide if it's worth losing this
budding reconnection if you repri-
mand her son for his rudeness. She
may not even be aware of his dis-
respect if she has already let it get so
out of hand. Perhaps if you do visit
again, a lightly spoken,"Whoa there,
Little Cuz! Mom and I are chatting. You
look capable enough to get yourself a
snack till dinner time," might break the
tension and make the point without
negative fallout.
After Little Monster ... ahem, your
cousin's son, has gone to sleep and
you two are catching up, steer the
conversation to parenting in gen-
eral. Perhaps share ways you curbed
your own children's baser instincts.
(I assume they are grown and have
lovely manners?) Follow your cousin's
lead. She might open up, sharing her
frustration over her son's behavior.
If so, offer more pointed guidance.
Or she might close up and signal the
discussion is closed.The ball will then
be in your court.
Continue the relationship knowing
that Little Monster comes with, or ar-
range for a girls'getaway in the future.
Assuming, of course, Little Monster's
reputation doesn't precede him, mak-
ing it impossible for his mother to find
a weekend babysitter.
First off, compassion to you and your
wife as you seek to create a family.
Hopefully she understands that you
spoke in a moment of mom-induced
frustration. Since your in-laws are not
the prying type, sharing with them
your difficulties to conceive will likely
be met with loving concern and con-
tinued non-interference.
Now to your mom. Reach out by
phone if you don't live in the same
town, in person if you do. No texts or
email. First, apologize for losing your
cool. Remind her that you and she
both want the same thing — offspring
— and that while her questions and
hints might be her way of expressing
her love, it is creating tension for you
and your wife. Tell her that the most
loving thing she can do for you is to
give you space and respect as you and
your wife move forward.
The national infertility association,
Resolve, has a wonderful website —
www.resolve.org — with a special
tab: For Family and Friends. Send your
mom a link (appropriate use of email
here). As for"your guys not being up
to the task" ultimately, what counts is
being up to the task of being a loving
husband and father. That you are and
will be, no matter what ultimately
happens with "your guys:' I wish you
and your wife all the best.
Successful author and blogger Debra Darvick is the
author of "This Jewish Life: Stories of Discovery,
Connection and Joy"and "I Love Jewish Faces."
Darvick shares her unique take on life, books and
more at debradarvick.com.
VISIT JNonline.us
32 February 20141
RED MUM
www.redthreadmagazine.com