4 ••
0.44 *>> gift guide

G 0 TROC KS

Chanuklaus Is Dead

A DIAMOND CROWN CIGAR LOUNGE

Harry Kirsbaum I Contributing Writer

S

NOW ACCEPTING BOOKINGS
FOR HOLIDAY PARTIES.

LOCATED ON THE GROUNDS OF THE ACCLAIMED

C %6

245 S. ETON ST., BIRMINGHAM, MI
248.647.7774 I GOTROCKSCIGARLOUNGE.COM

Enjoy Holiday

T _ oy Savings

What's

Holiday Wish List?

OK Your Child's

SAVE 15-40 %

On 1000s of quality toys
you won't find elsewhere!

Thru 11/30/13

Active Play

Kitchen
Play

Dolls • Stoners
Buggies • Furniture
Doll Clothes

Classic
Toys

• •

4a as

Ride On Toys

Plush Animals

z

Wooden Trains

Schleich

For Information www.DollHospital.com

1870900

38

3947 W. 12 Mile Rd., Berkley 248-543-3115
Mon-Wed 10-5:30, Thu 10-8:30, Fri & Sat 10-5:30, Sun 12-4

November 21 • 2013

T

-

ySOLDIER

SHOP

ome memories are hazy now,
but I do remember taking a
grown-up stab at having fun
during the Chanukah season when I
lived in the Wrigleyville neighborhood
of Chicago.
It was some mid-1990s year, and
I worked at a trading desk near the
pork-belly pit at the Chicago Mercantile
Exchange.
Having grown up in the not-so-
Jewish city of Flint, I was comfortable
around non-Jews and their pork prod-
ucts.
As a kid, I was a bit jealous of the
toys my neighbors raked in during the
holidays. All I ever got for my eight
days was a toy gun and seven pairs of
socks.
Now I was living with a roommate
who was on his second fiancee. They
spent their evenings decorating the
Christmas tree, playing Wyndham Hill
Christmas music and drinking.
And me: I didn't have a dreidel. I
didn't have clay.
I needed to get back to my roots.
It was through a friend of a friend's
cousin that I was invited to a quasi-
Chanukah potluck party among not-
so-young-anymore single Jews at a
Lakeshore Drive high-rise hosted by
a newlywed couple who had met at a
Trivial Pursuit party in Evanston a year
earlier.
I was told to bring dessert — a culi-
nary stretch. Those who know me know
better than to ask me for anything other
than chips and salsa.
During a grocery run a week before
the party, I stopped by the dessert coun-
ter at Jewel, the neighborhood grocery
chain, and sifted through the cake
catalogue.
I spotted the Santa Claus "Happy
Holidays" cake #SC-14, showing an
ebullient Saint Nick holding a bag of
goodies by a Christmas tree, and the
idea fell into my head immediately.
"I want this one," I told the order
taker, "but I need you to change a few
things:'
The order taker gave me a look and
mumbled under his breath, "But you
want some changes:'
"Yes, I want you to change Santa
Claus' suit color to blue and white:'
"Blue and white," he said, writing it
down under special instructions.
"Yes, and I want you to replace the
Christmas tree with an Israeli flag:'
"An Israeli flag?" he asked, a small
group of his fellow workers were over-

hearing and started to approach.
"Yes, and I'll drop off a picture of one
tomorrow:' I said. "And I'll need you to
replace the bag of presents with Israel
bonds:'
"Israel bonds?" he mumbled some
more.
"Yes," I said. "And I want you to
change the slogan from "'Merry
Christmas from Santa: to 'Season's
Greetings from Chanuldaus.:"
"This'll cost extra:' he said.
"Name the price I said, slipping him
a $20 with no one else looking. Jacksons
will get things done in the big city.
A week later, I stopped by the store
to pick up Chanuklaus, and was met
by some of the store's employees who
wanted a look at the man who changed
Santa into a fundraiser.
The looks varied from amusement
to disgust, but I couldn't care less. I was
taking control of my holiday.
The cake drew only the briefest of
comments from the host and host-
ess, and it probably would have been
a hit at the party. But the party had
been canceled two days before due to a
Chicago Bulls losing streak brought on
by Michael Jordan's first retirement. We
Chicago Jews loved our hoops.
Since I was only a friend of a friend's
cousin, I didn't get the phone call.
I offered my condolences and hope
for a winning streak, but stuck around
long enough to have some cake. At
$35, I wasn't about to just give it to
them without a sample, and bringing it
home might have caused an argument.
Besides, chocolate cake with blue icing
doesn't go well with hard cider drinks
and Wyndham Hill CDs.
I walked the 2 miles home, and I
stopped at a sporting goods store on
the way.
I bought socks.

❑