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Two Holidays ...
Or One Combo?
At Thanksgivukah, celebrate uniqueness of the separate holidays.
Dasee Berkowitz I Contributing Writer
NEW YORK (JTA)
S
ome folks are taking the
rare confluence this year of
Thanksgiving and Chanukah
to heart, renaming it Thanksgivukah,
redesigning their menus for the occa-
sion (latkes topped with cranberry relish
anyone?) and refashioning ritual objects
(a turkey-shaped chanukiah called
the Menurkey is gaining traction on
Kickstarter).
Others are taking it one step deeper,
celebrating how the combined holidays
enable us to fully appreciate being both
Jewish and American. It's a perfect sym-
biosis: As we freely celebrate Chanukah
this year, we recognize that we directly
benefit from the freedoms that were at
the core of what brought the Puritans and
Pilgrims to settle a new land.
But Jewish tradition doesn't love con-
flating holidays. In fact, there's a concept
— "ein mearvin simchah b'simchah" —
that we shouldn't mix one happy occasion
with another. No weddings during Sukkot
or Passover, or any Jewish holiday, for
that matter.
At first glance it seems like a downer.
Shouldn't doubling up on our celebration
just enhance our enjoyment and be a net
gain?
For those of us with birthdays on Rosh
Hashanah or New Year's Day, we know
that conflating celebrations doesn't really
work — one celebration usually gets
lost into the other. Keeping celebrations
separate enables us to be fully present for
each.
So instead of conflating Chanukah
and Thanksgiving, let's look at it another
way: How can the unique aspects of each
holiday help us more fully celebrate the
other?
Thanksgiving teaches us to give thanks
for the harvest and for all we have with-
out the need to acquire more. How can
that concept inform our celebration of
Chanukah, a holiday that has become
overrun with gift giving that verges on
the excessive?
Instead of being thankful for the plenty
that so many of us experience — we
mostly take the most basic things for
granted, like waking up in a dry, warm
bed each morning — we want more, and
on Chanukah we watch children tear
through gifts wondering what else awaits
them each night of the Festival of Lights.
Parents can help children appreciate
that Mom and Dad's presence in their
lives can be present enough by giving the
gift of time to their kids at Chanukah. So
often we are distracted by everything we
must do in life — I have been shamed
by my son asking me to stand "still as a
statue" as he tries to get my attention or
by my daughter saying "Ima, just listen
to me:'
Pick a night of Chanukah and give your
child a period of your undivided atten-
tion. Friends and significant others can
also give each other the gift of an evening
unplugged. Go out with your friends or
spouses unmediated by a screen of any
kind.
For your children, help them cultivate
a sense of gratitude at the plenty in their
own lives. On one night of Chanukah, ask
your kids to recycle some of their own
toys and gift them to others. On another
night, they can give some money or time
to charity.
We don't need more things; we need to
appreciate the people who fill our lives
with meaning and the power we have to
help others.
What lessons can Chanukah provide in
our celebration of Thanksgiving?
For starters, it can teach us not to shy
away from ritual. Significant Jewish occa-
sions are ritualized, from lighting the
chanukiah to recounting the Exodus story
on Passover, to a Shabbat meal replete
with blessings over candles, grape juice
and wine. The rituals help to connect us
to Jewish time and to the drama of Jewish
history. They transport us from the realm
of the ordinary into the realm of the
sacred. They enable us to slow down and
pay attention to the experiences that are
unfolding before us.
While each family may have its own
rituals on Thanksgiving — the football
game or carving of the turkey — many of
us feel self-conscious about rituals that
enter the sphere of the sacred, like invit-
ing guests to share what they are grateful
for or chanting a blessing to thank God
for the food we are about to eat. It amazes
me how much time, effort and money is
put into preparing a lavish Thanksgiving
meal, and the invited guests just dig in
and then complain about overeating.
Invite everyone to pause before eat-
ing and say one thing for which they are
grateful — from the food, the chef or the
one who makes it all possible. Connect
your feelings of gratitude to the company
that surrounds you or for what it means
for you to be an American today. Make
this sharing circle or some other activity
you create as a group a ritualized part of
what you do each Thanksgiving.
Chanukah can also teach Thanksgiving
a thing or two about being different.
Whereas Thanksgiving sends us a pow-
erful message about intergroup relations
and the coming together of the Plymouth
colonists and the Wampanoag Indians for
a fall harvest feast, Chanukah celebrates
what sets us apart and makes us differ-
ent.
Chanukah honors the Maccabean revolt
to safeguard practices unique to Jewish
people (like Shabbat, holiday celebration
and circumcision). The strong impulse
to develop our unique and particular
identities is an important first stage to
pass through before coming together with
others to celebrate multiculturalism. We
need to know who we are first before we
can share that with others. And while I
love Thanksgiving because it is a holiday
celebrated by so many Americans, with
common foods and customs, let's cel-
ebrate what makes our families different
and unique.
What is particular about your fam-
ily that you would like your kids to
learn about this Thanksgiving? Stories
of resilience or bravery? Others? This
Thanksgiving, encourage those gathered
around the table to share the particular
legacy they would like to leave to their
children and grandchildren.
Ein mearvin simcha b'simcha suggests
that we shouldn't mix our celebrations.
But when the calendar leaves us no other
choice, let's do so with integrity. Let each
holiday's central values — being thank-
ful for what we already have, celebrating
ritual that connects us to that which is
sacred and rejoicing in our differences —
inform how we experience both festivals
this fall.
❑
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November 21 • 2013
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