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Dear Debra

G

ot a problem? Need some advice? Write to Debra at
deardebra@renmedia.us and look for your answer in
next month's Red Thread.

Dear Debra: Now

that our baby is a
bit older and can
Debra Darvick
take a bottle, my
mom has been taking her out, or
having me drop my daughter at her
house every now and then. I make
sure to pack everything she will need.
And more. When I bring the baby
home after visiting with my mom,
invariably something is missing —
baby wipes or extra diapers, a bottle
or pacifier and sometimes even the
extra change of clothes I pack. Its
not such a big deal, but it's irritating
to have things go missing every visit
and then have to replace them. What
can I do? — Misplaced Items

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38 November 2013 I

RD THRUM

Dear Misplaced:
How fortunate you are! It seems
like Mom is a trooper — eager to
help out and give you some much
needed alone time and quiet. As
for the missing items, you didn't
say if they were truly missing, as in
left behind at Meijer, or if she just
forgot to return them to you.
It might help to create a "baby
central" area in an accessible place
in your mom's home stocked with
everything she will need from dia-
pers, to pacifiers to bottles, formula,
wipes and an outfit or two. Or pres-
ent her with a well-stocked baby
bag of her own so that when she is
out and about with your daughter,
she has everything at her fingertips.
When you drop your daughter
off for a visit with Grandma, have
some extra supplies with you just in
case she's running low on her end.
In the big picture, what's a few lost
bibs and bottles when you have an
extra pair of loving hands so readily
extended your way?

JN

receive his Ph.D. and he has done
nothing to apply for a position. I have
reminded him on more than one oc-
casion that the longer he delays, the
greater the chances he could end up
unemployed, but he ignores my ad-
vice. What can I do to motivate him
to take action? — Frustrated Father

Dear Frustrated:
If your son is old enough and intel-
ligent enough to have earned a
Ph.D., then he is certainly capable of
understanding the consequences of

dragging his well-educated heels in
the job search.
If I may ask, why are you on your
son's case about getting a job?
What you call advice, he might
very well call interfering/annoying,
and thus the deaf ears. Are your
ongoing reminders a way to stem
your own anxieties about his being
unemployed and expecting sup-
port from you? As long as you have
made it clear that you will not sup-
port him (and you have made that
clear, haven't you?) then you have
done all you can do.
Your son has the tools and training
to make his way in life. Best to stand
back and let him do so. He just might
surprise you in the end by how well
he rises to the challenge.

Dear Debra: I've recently retired from

a 35-year career. Hove working but
am looking for flexibility. I would like
to do something that adds meaning
to my life, volunteer and/or find a
new hobby. But I just don't know how
to move forward. — Retired But Not

Out To Pasture

Dear Retired But Not Out:
Congratulations on entering this
next stage of life and doing so with
such admirable intentions. Meaning
can come from many quarters, and
you are right to place volunteering
at the top of the list. You might start
with our Jewish Federation (jewish-
detroit.org or 248-642-4260) or your
local library or community house
for a list of organizations seeking
volunteers.
What have you always wanted
to do but never had time for? Now
could be the time to pursue that
back-burner dream. If it's hobbies
you want, check out meetup.com .
In the site's own words: Meetups are
neighbors getting together to learn
something, do something, share
something. A quick glance netted
events for photography, outdoor
adventure and salsa dancing. It may
take time to find your niche, but be
persistent. You have many years left
to enjoy, and yes, find meaning. RT

Debra Darvick is the author of This Jewish

Life: Stories of Discovery, Connection and

Joy and I love Jewish faces. She shares

her unique take on life, books and more at

debradarvick.com .

www.redthreadmagazine.com