ETCETERA

NIGHTCAP

Back I

Seat
riving

By Harry Kirsbaum

've always had a problem driv-
ing in the back seat. As a kid,
you could set your GPS to the
spot on southbound 1-75 where
my family would have to pull
over because of my carsickness.
It happened when we drove from
Flint to Detroit every Sunday to
visit family. This was long before
GPS systems, air bags and seat
belts — when 1-75 ended at 10
Mile Road.
Fidgeting in the back seat was
not conducive to my digestive
tract and neither was listening to
Ray Conniff music on AM radio.
When I finally got my license,
!fought for the coveted driver's
seat in our 1968 gold Buick
Riviera with the 455-horsepower
engine, Buick's largest, and the
AM/FM stereo radio.
I liked the feeling of control.
1 love to drive, so does my
brother and so did my dad. It's
genetic.
My brother knows every street
in Jacksonville, Fla., and has an
internal GPS system. My internal
GPS system has been broken
since! got my learner's permit,
but that's never affected my
driving. Sometimes being lost is
part of the experience. It's kind
of like being at the library versus

shopping on Nook. You might
find something better on another
shelf.
And now, when I have that nice
lady from Google Maps giving
me directions, I can be reason-
ably sure that I will make it to my
destination, even if she some-
times takes me on the more cir-
cuitous and twice-as-long route.
But at least I have control over
the controls, which won't happen
in the future if technology pres-
ents us with the autonomous car,
a car that drives itself.
Being the former JN car re-
viewer, I had the pleasure of test
driving some of the most incred-
ible cars ever produced.That
being said, I can hardly contain
my level of dread at the thought
of a driverless car. I understand
the safety aspect of it, the ability
to avoid sleeping at the wheel
or to"drive"drunk. And why ever
have public transportation when
you can get a jump on your day
by working alone in your car as it
drives you to work?
But, come on. Can you imag-
ine how boring the Woodward
Dream Cruise would be if all the
cars were autonomous? Why
even sit in them at all if the car
won't let you squeal the tires?

And how would you feel if
you couldn't control the speed
of your own car, or pass that
incredible moron who is clearly
not driving fast enough, unless
Mr. Autonomy's software pushes
down on the pedal?
How would you feel about the
freedom of driving to Traverse
City on a last-minute weekend
trip Up North if your car made all
the decisions?
I know, there is no such thing
as getting away on a last-minute
weekend trip Up North anymore,
especially since the Sleeping
Bear Sand Dunes are ranked as
the most beautiful place in the
country and all the rooms are
taken.
So you have to book your hotel
a few weeks ahead of time, un-
less you want to stay in a horse
stall on Mackinac Island for $150
a night that includes a bale of
hay, a wool blanket and two pairs
of very uncomfortable shoes, but
I digress.
When I'm driving vacation-
bound for some rest and relax-
ation, my vacation usually starts
as soon as I start the ignition.
But in an autonomous car, my
vacation would start with some
Dramamine.

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RED MAD I September 2013 65