COMMUNITY
MAVEN
Dear Debra
G
ot a problem? Send it to DearDebra@renmedia.us .
Anonymity assured.
Dear Debra: I patron-
ize a store where
know the owner and
love the merchandise.
The service, however,
Debra Darvick
is poor. I'm not sure
the owner is aware
of some of the issues. Should I politely
convey this information, keep my mouth
shut or stop patronizing the store?
Great Merch, Poor Service
Dear Merch:
No one can survive in today's market
giving lousy service. Except, I suppose,
Spirit Airlines. It's understandable that
you do not want to make waves, but
others have likely had similar experi-
ences. Better to give your friend a
heads up so that s/he can remedy the
situation and keep valuable customers
happy.
Begin the conversation by first prais-
ing what you do enjoy about the shop
and then move to the less positive
aspects. Close the conversation by
emphasizing how outstanding your
friend's store is and how much you en-
joy shopping there. If the poor service
continues, you will have done your
best. At that point you can choose with
a clear conscience whether or not to
continue patronizing the store.
COUTURE BRIDAL
TRUNK SHOW
SEPTEMBER 20TH - 21ST
708 N. Oi.n WOODWA111) AN E
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BIRMINGHAM
1
Ml
1
4.8009
1
24.8.723.4300
1
ROMASPOSA.0014
NM
Read
Dear Debt
Dear Debra: Our 23-year-old son
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recently got a tattoo and wants to get
another one. My husband and I told him
we do not approve. Is there anything
more we can say or do? Or should we ac-
cept the reality that tattoos are becom-
ing mainstream and it's his body?
Debra
Daryl*
'S he's practical
Irked Over Ink
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love her column.
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DearDebra@renrnedius and watch
Got
trout
for your answer in a future issue.
000 001
64 September 2013
I RD TIIRVID
Tattooing (gashing or incising one's
flesh) is forbidden by the Torah, lead-
ing to a common misapprehension
that being tattooed prevents one from
being buried in a Jewish cemetery.
Rabbi Alan Lewis, writing for the
Conservative Movement's Commit-
tee on Jewish Law and Standards,
instructs,"There is no basis for restrict-
ing burial to a Jew who violates this
prohibition or even limiting their
participation in synagogue rituar (For
more of his ruling on Jews and tattoos:
http://goo.g1/5jxZTa.)
Post-Shoah, this issue evokes the
Nazis' reprehensible practice of tat-
tooing numbers into the arms of their
prisoners, making the situation all the
more charged. Accepting the reality
that tattoos are becoming mainstream
doesn't mean you have to like them or
approve. Is your son self-supporting or
parent-supported? If the former, you
have no leverage. If the latter, and you
are willing to go to the tat-mat on this,
you can tell him that you will no longer
fund his lifestyle, education, spending
money if he gets a second tattoo. His
body is his; your checkbook is yours.
Some call it blackmail; others call it
living-with-the-consequences-when-
you-are-still-parent-dependent.
Best approach — realize what's
done is done and invite a calm
discussion about what prompted the
tattoo. Respectful listening on both
sides is a must. Encourage your son
to look ahead to when impulse and
permanence will surely intersect (job
interviews, meeting future in-laws). If
he goes for more ink, focus with every-
thing you have on his many wonderful
qualities. Ultimately, he's the one who
will have to live with the tattoos. Oh,
for the days when Trix were for kids
and tats were for sailors.
Dear Debra: I was recently offered a job
by a company that has had some bad
press related to questionable ethical
issues. I really need a job, but my heart
is not in this. Should I take it until I find
something that suits me better?
Out of Work, Not Ethics
Dear Out:
The phrase "Lie down with dogs, get up
with fleas"comes to mind. So does the
Jewish concept of marit ayin, suspicious
actions or how things look. Accepting
a job you have no intention of keeping
is not honorable. To do so is in essence
"stealing" from the company the time
and money it spends on training you.
This is where the concept of marit
ayin is useful, as it instructs us to err
on the side of caution and rectitude.
You can't know if the bad press is
warranted or not. But assume that
if you read about this company's al-
leged misdeeds, so have others. Even
if the company has done no wrong,
even if the bad press was written by a
journalist with an agenda, the cloud of
wrongdoing still hovers.
At a time when you need a job, a
future employer could very well be
influenced by the bad press and set
your resume aside for someone not
tarnished by the negative association.
Your wallet's saying one thing, and
your heart's saying another. Best to
listen to your heart and double up on
your efforts to find a job you can do
well and feel good doing.
Debra Darvick is the author of This Jewish
Life: Stories of Discovery, Connection and Joy
and I love Jewish faces. Read more at
debradarvick.com .
www.redthreadnnagazine.conn