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A buddho
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W
ith the downturn in the
economy, many people
have faced financial
struggles. Young people have had to
reconsider future plans; older people
have had to alter the plans they have
worked toward for years.
We parents want our children to suc-
ceed in school and work If possible, we
try to reduce their worries by helping
them pay for tuition, rent,
transportation or insurance.
Yet, every day the news media
talk about how in debt young
people are as they transition
to adulthood, struggling to
begin careers and families.
Despite feeling overwhelmed
by mounting debt for college
loans and life expenses, our
children persevere to make
the most of attained experi-
ence and degrees.
After transitioning into
successful careers, few adult
children ever think that they will have
to move back home, particularly if
they have already established fami-
lies of their own. Yet, when calamity
occurs, children turn to their parents
for support or refuge. Many parents
will change their plans about how to
spend their later years and accept this
disruption in their lives. Though they
may have anticipated being freed from
family obligations, they will convert
the new office or workout space back
to being a bedroom.
Family schedules may now be dis-
rupted as new arrangements mean cars
and bathrooms must be shared. The
noise of grandchildren is not always
joyful, especially in these circumstanc-
es, and it can put emotional strain on
everyone. It is especially at these times
of unexpected aggravation that we most
need to take care of each other.
Economic problems also pose chal-
lenges for our older friends or rela-
tives. Most lived through the Great
Depression and World War II; belt-
tightening and rationing taught them
to work hard and save carefully. To
secure a comfortable retirement, "lux-
uries" were denied. Despite years of
planning, they now face survival with
inadequate savings while subsisting on
limited income. They worry about how
they will pay for the ever-increasing
expenses of housing, food, clothing
and healthcare. The older they get,
the more afraid they become that they
will outlive their money. To survive,
they may have to rely on their children
or even grandchildren to take care of
them, a consideration they long sought
to avoid.
Many of their children are successful
doctors, lawyers and business people.
In fact, many of these parents paid for
the educations that made
their children prosperous.
While most people eagerly
support their parents so
they can live comfortably,
some feel little obligation to
take care of their parents.
Sadly, I have heard about
wealthy children who
begrudgingly give their
parents occasional support,
thinking it an adequate con-
tribution to their parents'
well-being.
Furthermore, when a
catastrophe happens, such as a heart
attack, stroke or broken hip, these
children direct their parents to seek
public assistance for their care rather
than shoulder any of the responsibil-
ity themselves. In some families, these
responsibilities are willingly accepted;
in others they are never acknowledged
or addressed.
As we reflect on taking care of each
other, consider these key questions:
For how long and how much are we
responsible for our children or par-
ents? Are we obligated to our children
once they have grown up, moved out
or started their own families? Will we
be prepared for such circumstances or
wait for a critical incident to force us
to act? More pointedly, if someday the
tables are turned, will someone take
the responsibility for our care?
There are no easy answers to these
questions. Our sages inform us that "in
a place where there is not an upright
person, be that upright person:'
Being that upright person now will
give you confidence that others will be
there when you are in need.
TM
•
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July 11,12,13
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❑
Dr. Daniel Rosenbaum is a clinical social
worker at Counseling Associates Inc.
in West Bloomfield, where he counsels
children, teens and adults experiencing
family or personal psychological problems.
Reach him at (248) 626-1500.
JN
July 4 • 2013
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