frontlines

Who Ya Calling Big Al?

D

uring the last six months, I've transformed my
So off to the gym I went; actually to the basement of my
body into something totally new. Admittedly, not trainer Alex who has been a godsend. Plus, I've been using
as dramatic a change as Cher's daughter going
a free app called My Fitness Pal that helps me monitor my
from being Chastity to Chaz, but physically and mentally caloric intake. The investment in my health has paid big
gratifying nonetheless. I've lost 40 lbs. I did it slowly and dividends. I'm off one blood pressure medicine and my
safely through a technique called . . . diet and exercise.
waistline is below 40 inches for the first time since birth.
Born, by the way, with a silver spoon in my mouth, along
Who knew?
I lost the weight because later this summer I'm appearing with a knife and fork.
in a Calvin Klein underwear ad. OK, OK, I did it because
My first words weren't "Momma" or "Dada," they were
at 58 years old I could no longer fool Mother Nature. While
"does this diaper make my butt look big?" As a young boy
healthy, my glucose number was going in the
my clothes came from that dreaded, politically
wrong direction and I knew that eventually
correct "husky" aisle of a clothing store. I never
my well-being would be compromised. I had a
graduated to "big and tall:' but you know it's time
choice. Look, I'm no hero and I'm not looking for
to shed a few pounds when you can't find your
a pat on the back. Although if you do pat me on
waist size at the bottom of a Costco pants pile!
Oh, the humanity!
the back, take note of my newly developed del-
toid muscle. Go ahead and feel it the next time
So, why "come out" about my weight loss? Like
you see me.
my former chins, the answer is two-fold. For one,
It's no secret that obesity in America has
going "public" puts a self-imposed dose of pres-
been growing by leaps and pounds, and I was
sure on me to keep the weight off. And two, just
eating my way into the statistics. Much of my
maybe I can inspire some folks to do the same
Alan
girth came from working in morning radio
thing for themselves. It ain't easy, but it's worth it;
Muskovitz
for 18 years where free food from advertisers
for yourself, your family, your future. As cliche as
Jewish News
flowed into the studio faster than the alcohol at
it may sound, if I can do it, anybody can. It's been
Columnist
a Lindsay Lohan get-out-of-jail party. It wasn't
an incredibly gratifying journey and the surprises
just keep coming. Like when I looked in the mir-
uncommon to be feasting on steaks and cakes at
8 a.m! One nice lady, Mary, would often deliver up to 15
ror recently and actually saw an ab! Not a six-pack, one ab.
pies from her bakery.
But it was ab-solutely beautiful! Now if you'll excuse me, I
Combined with no willpower and a schedule that left me
have to go oil my body.
sleep- and exercise-deprived —and voila — I turned into a
Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting talent, speaker and
giant schmaltz sponge. If I had gained another 10 pounds,
emcee. Visit his website at laughwithbigal.com and "Like" Al on
I would've been required to stop at those truck weigh sta-
Facebook.
tions on the expressway.

❑

JN CONTENTS

theJEWISHNEWS.com

June 6-June 12, 2013 I 28 Sivan-4 Tammuz 5773 I Vol. CXLIII, No. 18

Arts/Entertainment ... 41
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Calendar
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Soap Box
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Torah Portion
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World
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