metro Cali it a "BREEZE" Replaceable Hair • Light • Airy • Affordable • Today's Style • Wearer Friendly • Looks Natural Consistently • Almost goof proof time clients - exp. 6/5/13 SAMPLE DEMONSTRATION AVAILABLE Call 888-569-9898 ASK FOR DONNA THE APARTMENT 17125 W. 12 Mile Rd. 1832150 DESIGNS IN DECORATOR WOOD & LAMINATES, LTD. It Doesn't Have Complete kitchen and bathroom To Cost A fortune... remodeling as well as furniture Only Look Like It! design and installations including granite, wood and other materials. Lois Haron Allied Member ASID 248.851.6989 NtleTiSsitfsE -rea Proudly announces we are approved kosher!! Nestle Cookies • Haagen-Dazs Ice Cream • Godiva Chocolates • Coffee Custom orders on Parve Cakes 4153 Orchard Lake Rd., Orchard Lake, MI 48323 — 248.737.8900 Bakery Hours: Mon - Wed 9am to 8pm, Thurs 9am to 9pm, Fri & Sat 9am to 10pm, Sun 11am to 8pm www.sweetd re a mswe co m 20 May 23 • 2013 amily counseling Comfort Zones, Personal Radar And Red Flags W Reg. $599 - $100 OFF - 1st >> e establish comfort zones around most aspects of our lives. They monitor our world, maintain a sense of stabil- ity and alert us to potential dangers. When something is awry, a comfort zone acts like radar, taking in warning signals, then sending out red flags, alerting us that something is out of sync. Our gut instinctively reacts to an imminent threat even before our mind does. Often, there is not enough time to sort through our feelings or thoughts. When present- ed with a disconcerting situation, as when some- one intrudes into our personal space or we are jostled in a crowded store, our radar points out what hurdles must be overcome and what decisions must be made to protect ourselves. In such situations, some people create a defensive space that can become overly precau- tionary. Easily imagined worries can influence our critical choices and out- comes. Consider this example: You need to ask someone to do a task for you because you are too busy. If that person has complied willingly before, few, if any, red flags will appear. You will feel confident making your request. If, on the other hand, you are uncertain about what the per- son's response will be (perhaps he or she was unaccommodating in the past), explicit red flags will material- ize. You may then reconsider whether or how to ask. If you ignore the red flags, the results (usually negative) will inform you about the importance of paying attention to these instincts. Some people avoid pushing beyond their comfort zones. Even a small per- ceived worry produces many red flags, triggering anxiety. I have a friend who needs to feel in control. To keep apprehension at bay when he is not in, he limits himself to a travel radius of about 3 miles; this gets him to the grocery store, bowling alley and gas station. His biggest fear is that he will never be able breach this self-imposed boundary to be able to visit friends or attend concerts or ball games. He demands a logical explanation of this dilemma. However, a reasoned solution will continue to elude him because his problem is rooted in emo- tion, not logic. In my career, I have coun- seled many who, despite being aware of their own red flags, will bypass or ignore them anyway. For some reason, they avoid any rational assessment of what these flags signify, even though past experience reminds them of the emotional or social peril that can result. One frequent example of this denial occurs to people in developing relationships. Some red flags, one would think, are easily recognized, such as out-of-control yelling, hitting or breaking precious objects. Such hos- tile acts would surely incline a person to make a pragmatic decision, whether it is to flee, seek counseling or fight back. Yet, too many people disregard these clues. Instead, they repetitively search for justification for their poor choices. They try to convince themselves (and others) that somehow the evidence has been misinterpreted. They will rationalize that people, after all, can change over time, or somehow this was just an isolated event. In reality, such denial will more likely portend the loss of self-respect and trust in others, further restricting future comfort zones. Valuing comfort zones, radar and red flags as guides can help get you through difficult circumstances. Becoming attuned to them will teach you how to interpret and respond to their messages. When you succeed at incorporating these into your daily life, you can honestly say: "Based on my well-considered input, I have chosen this course of action and approved this outcome. I, consequently, believe all will work out well:' You can take comfort in that. ❑ Dr. Daniel Rosenbaum is a clinical social worker at Counseling Associates Inc. in West Bloomfield, where he counsels children, teens and adults experiencing family or personal psychological problems. Reach him at (248) 626-1500.