health & wellness Self-Worth A solid self-esteem is based on a realistic sense of your own abilities. ii.1110 511110 Aurelia "L" shares her passion with needlework among a group of fellow residents. STREET REGE c'dOF WEST B1111 50MFIELDO9 An American House Senior Living Community 4460 Orchard Lake Rd I West Bloomfield, MI 48323 regentstreetwestbloomfield.com Call today to schedule a FREE lunch and tour: (248) 683-1010 Ask about our dedicated Memory Care Unit $1000.00 Gift Card Valid for new residents placing deposits by 5/31/13 I Only one coupon valid per admission. Restrictions may apply. 6 64 April 25 • 2013 JN p oor self-esteem" is probably one of the most common terms in the psychological lexicon. In my experience, the vast majority of people with mental health problems have problems with self- esteem, and often the people who on the surface appear to have excellent self-esteem, don't. What goes into determin- ing who winds up with solid, intact self-esteem? It's a com- plex issue, but the causes can roughly be divided into two major factors — psychologi- cal/experiential and biological. Sigmund Freud was correct when he said how important the role of parenting and the experiences children have with their parents are in defining how a person looks at himself and the world around him. People who come out as adults with intact self-esteems often got a realistic sense of their own abilities by how they were treated by their parents and other important adults in their world. Unfortunately, children who are neglected, criticized inappropriately, abused and never receive praise for any of their accomplishments usually turn out to have poor self-esteem as adults. Conversely, children who are con- stantly praised no matter what they do, are never expected to follow rules and are never held accountable for their actions, ironically, also fail to develop intact self-esteem. To have a strong sense of self-worth (and therefore good self-esteem), a child needs to get a realistic picture of his strengths and weaknesses. Furthermore, a child needs to also learn to toler- ate some degree of frustration and be allowed to make mistakes. Parents who never say no, protecting their child from even the smallest unpleasant feeling or Jewish Book Fair Seeks Local Authors The Jewish Community Center of Metropolitan Detroit's 62nd Annual Jewish Book Fair will be held Nov. 6-17 and will feature leading figures from the arts, entertainment, politics, business, journalism and more. The JCC is in search of local authors for the fair. Books should be written by Jewish authors and/ or have Jewish content, must have a Michigan connection and must discomfort, fail their children because they grow up to expect everything to be perfect and easy, which is not how it is in the real world. Sometimes people who really do have intact senses of themselves and good self- esteem become depressed, however, and feelings of worthlessness and guilt are common signs of depres- sion. Fortunately, these people, who are typically well put-together, usually respond positively to medi- cal and psychological treat- ment for mood disorders. What can people do to improve their self-esteem? First, people need to realize that self- esteem comes from within, not from external forces. One of the best ways to build self-esteem is to set a realistic goal and work on it. There is nothing more empowering than planning to do some- thing and getting it done! Furthermore, when setting a goal, it's important to understand that it's OK to make mistakes. Giving oneself permis- sion not only to make mistakes, but also to learn from them (rather than to be afraid of them and defensive about them) can be a great self-esteem builder. It can also be incredibly rewarding to work on things that we really don't want to do, to do things that are somewhat unpleasant, because the sense of satisfac- tion when one is finished can be huge. Finally, to be a good, worthwhile per- son, you don't have to be No. 1 or the best. Everyone is special and unique in his or her own way. ❑ Dr. Beth Goldman is the medical director of Behavioral Health at Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan and can be reached at bgoldman@bcbsm.com . For more information on BCBS, visit www.bcbsm.com. have been published in 2012 or 2013. Fiction, non-fiction, poetry, cook- books and more will be considered, as will self-published material. Those whose works are selected to be included will have the opportunity to participate in an event especially for local authors and will have their books available for sale at the fair. The deadline for submissions is June 1. For submission guidelines, contact Sarah Gottlieb at bubesarah@ aol.com .