"MN

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MAY 2
JUNE 6
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Dear Debra

(T

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MAY 2 "SPRING FLING"

Dear Debra: My spouse's parents
play favorites with their grandchil-
dren, and my children are starting to
notice, asking why their bubbie and
zayde don't pay the same kind of
attention to them as they do to their
cousins (and it's not that these other
grandchildren need them more for
any apparent reason). How should
we handle this? Joseph, Not

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otta burn-
ing question
you want
answered? Send
it to DearDebra@
renmedia.us and
be sure to look for
Debra's reply in the
next Red Thread.

On Maple Rd.,W of Haggerty

1/2 mile E of M-5, 4 miles N of 1-96 rp,

Dear Not,
Familial favoritism should be the
11th Thou Shalt Not. Has your
husband discussed with his parents
that the children have noticed the
favoritism? If 1) he has and they
haven't changed or 2) he cannot or
will not bring it up, then you have
to take the many-colored coat by
the sleeves. Invite the grandparents
to share a new family tradition — a
weekly Skype or family outing. If
they remain scarce, you will have to
help your children learn a pain-
ful and important life Iesson:Their
grandparents' behavior has noth-
ing to do with them.They are the
biggest losers for missing out on
joyous time with some pretty terrific
grandkids.

Dear Debra: Despite economic
struggles over the past few years, we
have done our best to pay our full
synagogue dues ... going without ex-
tra vacations, etc., to do what we feel
is right. Yet we have met people who
"brag" about their reduced dues —
and take fabulous trips, remodel their
homes, etc. Shall we "report" them to
our synagogue? Fit to be Tithed

Dear Fit,
Such freeloading behaviors gener-
ate well-deserved resentment. If
you can muster the necessary calm
and matzah balls, ask the brag-
garts,"How do you justify asking
your synagogue to subsidize such
extravagant expenditures? You must
not realize how many congregants
go without such extras in order to
support their synagogue."
If that's too brash for comfort,

gently mention that their subven-
tion means less for the truly needy,
for programming, maintenance and
other budget items. As for tattling,
this issue is not uncommon to
executive directors, who take each
member's statement of ability to
pay at face value. You might gain
momentary pleasure, but know
the institutional approach errs on
the side of non-judgment, allowing
guilt to take care of the rest.

Dear Debra: My husband's work
expects him to be available 24/7. He
sleeps with the phone beside the bed
to catch incoming texts. The problem
is he doesn't hear them come in; I
do. By the time I wake him to take
the text, I can't fall back asleep. Help!
Sleepless in Southfield

Dear Sleepless,
Even the Creator of the World
granted Himself weekly rest after
Her labors were completed! Set
hubby's phone to vibrate and slip
it into his pillowcase. If the sound
of the incoming text doesn't stir
him, the motion might. You can
also sweetly whisper as he is fall-
ing asleep that you are turning his
phone off (but don't). Perhaps the
anxiety of missing an emergency
text will prompt some part of his
sleeping brain to keep one eye (or
ear) open so you can keep both of
yours shut. rti

Red Thread's new advice columnist,
Debra Darvick, is a longtime Detroiter
with Southern roots.

9

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