ETCETERA

NIGHTCAP

H'Nerybody Into The Pool!

By Harry Kirsbaum

got Han Solo in the Final Four.
Having only seen the first Star
Wars movie, my level of expertise
remains with the original characters.
It is March, and that means Mad-
ness, and I'm game for any pool.
And if chabad.org can go milchig
with its "Got Seder?" email blast, why
can't starwars.com do a Star Wars
Character Tournament, too?
As the NCAA tournament progress-
es, some $3.5 billion will be trading
hands in office NCAA pools across the
country, and American workers will
spend nearly 8.4 million hours watch-
ing games including the Bucknell
Bisons against the Butler Bulldogs
and the Michigan Wolverines against
South Dakota State Jackrabbits.
And the office pool has reached
the most famous office of all. A day
before leaving for his charm offensive
to Israel and Jordan, the Command-
er-in-Chief picked the non-animal
mascot Indiana Hoosiers to beat the
Louisville Cardinals in the ESPN Tour-

I

nament Chal-
lenge. He also
filled out the
NCAA Wom-
en's bracket,
but sadly, no one
has looked at it yet.
Free, or pay to pick, the March
Madness tournament pool is a com-
mercial monster. And if there's a way
to exploit what used to be a tourna-
ment followed by college students
and hardcore college basketball fans
(and actually started and finished in
March), then let the apps begin.
Bracketology has other uses.
Stephen Colbert's sister, Eliza-
beth Colbert Busch, won the South
Carolina Democratic primary in the
1st Congressional District on March
19. She will run against the winner
of an April 2 primary runoff, which,
at press time, was led by former Gov.
Mark Sanford, who resigned when
he was caught lying about hiking the
Appalachian trail while he was actu-

ally with his Argentine
mistress.
Sanford led the field of 16
primary candidates but didn't

have the majority of votes to win
the primary outright.
Hmmm,16 candidates ...That
sounds like a perfect tournament. In
the future, why not divide the slate
of candidates into brackets, then
hold one-on-one debates that last
three hours? Voters enter their picks
after each debate through a website,
and the winner moves on. A primary
candidate could be chosen within
one week without even putting up a
campaign yard sign.
You could do the same thing with
the Academy Awards, the Grammys,
picking a new pope and anything
else that people vote on or waste
time talking about in the office.
Want a verdict on accused mur-
derer Jodi Arias? Put her in a bracket
against O.J. Simpson and Klaus von
Bulow.

't

I've had a somewhat hazy amount
of success with the NCAA tournament.
It's an annual rite involving my brother
and me. I find the pools to enter, and
he does most of the picking. We've
picked this way for decades, and
we've always picked Michigan State as
the winner. It's why I feel ambivalent
about Spartan coach Tom Izzo.
When he first took control, Michigan
State was usually picked for an early
exit. When they would occasionally
make it into the Sweet 16, my brother
and I looked like geniuses. Now that
Izzo has acquired wizard-like status,
everyone has picked the Spartans to
make it to at least the Sweet 16 (which
they did). So goes our edge.
If you're in an office pool, by the
time you read this, many of you will be
out of the money. But at least you get
to see the best basketball on Earth.
And I only have one bracket ques-
tion for President Obama: Chewbacca
or Wicket?

ac,s,
Ltril

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42 April 2013

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