s iritualit 01)10 ■ >> Torah portion The Blame Game `Valentine' o Day! Buy 1 subscription, get the 2nd subscription Waif Pr Call to subscribe: 248.351.5120 In state only. Offer valid the month of February only. Make and Bake a Matzah! Explore Shalom Street's Passport to Israel Exhibit! Experience the Exodus from Egypt! Public Hours: March 10 & 17, 2013 1-4 pm (Tours begin on the hour) Jewish Community Center D. Dan and Betty Kahn Building Eugene and Marcia Applebaum Jewish Community Campus 6600 W. Maple Road West Bloomfield, MI 48322 For more information contact Gail Greenberg at 248-205-2536 or greenberg@jfmd.org There is no charge for the Matzah Factory event, which has been graciously sponsored by Barbara and Douglas Bloom. 46 February 28 • 2013 Bais Chabad Ton& ou JewisUeLergtjar,,, Fla Parshat Ki Tisa: Exodus 30:11-34:35 Numbers 19:1-22; I Kings 18:1-39. W hen will we all finally learn that pointing the fin- ger of blame never works? It is unproductive, unfair and actually quite infantile, and even insulting. It seems almost automatic that when the milk spills all over the kitchen table we just want to know who caused the spill, as if it matters or changes the outcome. What really does matter though is that the mess needs to be cleaned up. Psychologist Albert Ellis says it per- fectly, "the best years of our lives are the ones in which we decide that our problems are our own. We do not blame them on our parents, the ecology or even the president. We realize that we control our own destiny:' While we often tend to think in terms of "it's his/her fault" or "it's their fault:' inter- estingly enough, our biblical ancestors did the same. We need only look to this week's Torah portion Ki Tisa and the building of the Golden Calf. The Israelites quickly give up on waiting for Moses to come down from Mount Sinai and they gather around Aaron the Priest to express their concern and fear. Aaron responds by getting the people to take off their gold rings which he casts into the fire, thereby producing a molten calf. It is so sad that in a span of only 24 hours the Israelites tainted the experi- ence of the Exodus by quickly turning to idolatry. But even worse, everyone wants to blame everyone else for what happened. Blame Aaron, some say, because he succumbed to the pressure of the people in the midst of their distress instead of proactively asserting his leadership as high priest. Blame Moses, others demand, because he shouldn't have disappeared for 40 days and nights in the first place. No, find fault with the Israelites for, even amid their fear and anxiety, how could they abandon the God who freed them from slavery in Egypt? It's so easy to defer responsibility while refusing to take ownership of every moment and every choice in our lives! We constantly blame other people, like uncooperative spouses and children. We blame situations, like the chaos within our homes or the out-of-control office. We blame circumstances, and we even blame our upbringing! Living in a world of blame, a cul- ture that thrives on finding fault and in an era where people often want to find the scapegoat, our Jewish tradition comes to teach us that our goal should be to rise above the fray, make peace with the complex- ity and difficulty of life, and ultimately hold only ourselves responsible for what is in our own power. In so doing, we begin to live more fully and completely while developing the most meaningful and healthy relationships possible. For merely in taking ownership of every moment of every day with our best selves we are able to live our lives with conviction, with dignity and as an Am Kadosh — the holy people we are meant to be. ❑ Joseph H. Krakoff is a rabbi at Congregation Shaarey Zedek in Southfield. Subhead • Why did the Israelites lose faith so quickly when Moses was delayed in returning? • What else might Aaron have done to reassure and calm the fears of the Israelites? • What steps do you need to take to go from blaming others to assuming personal responsibility in a given situation?