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>> Torah portion
The Blame
Game
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46
February 28 • 2013
Bais Chabad
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Parshat Ki Tisa: Exodus 30:11-34:35
Numbers 19:1-22; I Kings 18:1-39.
W
hen will we all finally
learn that pointing the fin-
ger of blame never works?
It is unproductive, unfair and actually
quite infantile, and even insulting.
It seems almost automatic that when
the milk spills all over the kitchen
table we just want to know who caused
the spill, as if it matters or changes
the outcome. What really does matter
though is that the mess needs to be
cleaned up.
Psychologist Albert Ellis says it per-
fectly, "the best years of our lives are
the ones in which we decide
that our problems are our
own. We do not blame them
on our parents, the ecology
or even the president. We
realize that we control our
own destiny:'
While we often tend to
think in terms of "it's his/her
fault" or "it's their fault:' inter-
estingly enough, our biblical
ancestors did the same. We
need only look to this week's
Torah portion Ki Tisa and
the building of the Golden Calf.
The Israelites quickly give up on
waiting for Moses to come down from
Mount Sinai and they gather around
Aaron the Priest to express their
concern and fear. Aaron responds by
getting the people to take off their
gold rings which he casts into the fire,
thereby producing a molten calf.
It is so sad that in a span of only 24
hours the Israelites tainted the experi-
ence of the Exodus by quickly turning
to idolatry. But even worse, everyone
wants to blame everyone else for what
happened.
Blame Aaron, some say, because
he succumbed to the pressure of the
people in the midst of their distress
instead of proactively asserting his
leadership as high priest.
Blame Moses, others demand,
because he shouldn't have disappeared
for 40 days and nights in the first
place.
No, find fault with the Israelites for,
even amid their fear and anxiety, how
could they abandon the God who freed
them from slavery in Egypt?
It's so easy to defer responsibility
while refusing to take ownership of
every moment and every choice in
our lives! We constantly blame other
people, like uncooperative spouses
and children. We blame situations,
like the chaos within our homes or
the out-of-control office. We blame
circumstances, and we even blame
our upbringing!
Living in a world of blame, a cul-
ture that thrives on finding
fault and in an era where
people often want to find
the scapegoat, our Jewish
tradition comes to teach us
that our goal should be to
rise above the fray, make
peace with the complex-
ity and difficulty of life,
and ultimately hold only
ourselves responsible for
what is in our own power.
In so doing, we begin to live
more fully and completely
while developing the most meaningful
and healthy relationships possible.
For merely in taking ownership of
every moment of every day with our
best selves we are able to live our lives
with conviction, with dignity and as an
Am Kadosh — the holy people we are
meant to be.
❑
Joseph H. Krakoff is a rabbi at
Congregation Shaarey Zedek in Southfield.
Subhead
• Why did the Israelites lose
faith so quickly when Moses was
delayed in returning?
• What else might Aaron have
done to reassure and calm the
fears of the Israelites?
• What steps do you need to take
to go from blaming others to
assuming personal responsibility
in a given situation?