for Oakland County parents of
the nonprofit organization
minor children who are going
Dads and Moms of Michigan
through a divorce.
(dadsandmomsofmichigan.
"The main message of SMILE
orgy.
is that conflict is bad for chil-
In addition to teaching
dren:' said Sosnick, "so the goal
parents how to put their own
is to create a conflict-free zone
personal emotions aside and
where the children feel free to
focus on what is best for the
Judge Edward
love both of their parents"
children, he offers a course in
Sosnick
Sosnick said many studies
stepparenting that includes
have shown that the ultimate
tips for resolving conflicts
well-being of the children
peacefully.
following a divorce depends
"Stepfamilies are more
on the degree of parental
complex than biological
conflict.
families and have a much
"I've seen it work in many
different set of operations.
cases over the years:' he said.
Recognize that it's never as
"The parents who 'get it' under-
good as it seems, and it's
stand that they are divorcing
never as bad as it seems:'
Robert Hack
each other, not their children:'
said Hack, who recommends
He added that legal profes-
a motto by Stephen R. Covey,
sionals recognize the damage
author of The 7 Habits of
that contentious divorces can cause
Highly Effective People: "Begin with
and that many lawyers, such as Victor, the end in mind"
will provide resources to help parents
Jade Marx has friends whose
resolve conflicts amicably without
parents have contentious relation-
putting the kids in the middle.
ships and appreciates being part of a
"Parenting doesn't stop when
blended family where the children's
you get divorced:' said Sosnick. "It's
best interests are a priority.
important to get by the hurt and
"I don't really understand how
anger and look toward the long run."
people can do that:' she said. "At one
Divorce mediator and clinical psy-
time you loved the person. I know I'm
chologist Robert Hack is committed
lucky:'
to helping divorced couples stop fight-
Her siblings agree.
ing and develop better parenting and
Sherman-Marx summed up the
communication skills. He moderates a family philosophy like this: "Save the
cable television show, Divorce Matters, power struggles for the courtroom;
and also conducts several educa-
when you're at home, put the kids
tional programs in conjunction with
first:'
The
Craig Fahle
Show
cadet
101.9 fm
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Craig Is Getting Ready
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eeping It P
• tive
_'
R(
osi by Bloomfield Hills divorce
The following tips for stepparents were provided
I
mediator and clinical psychologist Robert Hack.
• Seek respect, not affinity.
• A friendship between the child and the stepparent may evolve, but step-
parents should start out seeking respect in the same way that parents must
put parenting before friendship.
• Don't try to replace a child's biological parent.
• If the children's biological parents are active in their lives, stepparents
should recognize it is important for the kids to develop and maintain strong
relationships with their parents.
• Focus on good parenting, not popularity.
• Don't compare yourself with the children's biological mother or father.
Stepparenting is not a contest.
• Remember it's about the children, not the (step)parents.
• Just as parents and stepparents have their challenges, so do children
who live in blended families. Their needs should come first.
Questions to ask when you are tempted to engage in conflict:
• Am I focusing on my needs or those of the children?
• Is my goal to make my ex-spouse's life miserable or to do what is best
for our children?
• Am I trying to control my ex-spouse or am I trying to behave in a way
that will benefit our children?
• If I continue to behave like this, will it hurt our children?
• If the behavior has the potential to hurt the children, it's time to stop
and take a different course of action immediately.
You Can Count On
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Weekdays at 10 a.m. & 7 p.m.
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1804550
January 24 • 2013
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