Caring. Helping. Mental Illness.

1MA

Vows, Oaths
And Keeping
Your Word

Parshat Vayechi: Genesis 47:28-
50:26; I Kings 2:1-12.

ur tradition takes words seri-
ously. Words are creative
and weighty even as they are
ephemeral. In many moments, to speak
is to act. This is why the
Torah wants us to be care-
ful with words.
Perhaps one of the most
well-known examples
of this is the third com-
mandment of the Ten
Commandments: "You
shall not swear falsely by
the name of the Lord your
God!'
While this prohibits
using God's reputation to
bolster a lie, most of us are
also familiar with this mitzvah through
a different translation: We should not
"take God's name in vain:" That is, we
shouldn't use God's name casually.
It is important to note that this com-
mandment doesn't prohibit swearing
truthfully in God's name. In fact, there
are elements of Jewish property law that
talk specifically of swearing within the
context of a legal court. The Talmudic
tractate Bava Metzia is filled with dis-
putes over property ownership. Within
these cases, individuals are often called
upon to swear about their ownership of
particular property.
In everyday life, however, the concern
about swearing unnecessarily is still a
concern. Within parts of the commu-
nity, this is manifest in the expression,
b'li neder, without a vow. A person who
is making plans might say something
like, "I will see you here at the same
time next week,
neder:' That is,
the person is planning to be there, but
because of their concern that they may
be unable to make it, they append the
phrase "b'li neder" as a way of say-
ing they are not making an absolute

promise. (While there are distinctions
between different types of oaths and
vows within our tradition, they are not
critical for our purposes.)
Parshat Vayechi shows us
an important moment in the
relationship between Jacob
and Joseph. On his deathbed,
Jacob asks Joseph to be sure
to bring Jacob back to the
land of Canaan (they are cur-
rently in Egypt) to bury him.
Joseph's language shows his
agreement: "I will do as you
have spoken:' But this is not
enough for Jacob. Jacob tells
Joseph to swear that he will
do so. Joseph swears.
What is going on here? Why isn't
Joseph's original commitment enough?
The Torah doesn't provide a direct
answer, but the Midrash tells us that
Jacob's insistence derives not from skep-
ticism of Joseph's intentions, but that of
Pharaoh.
The Midrash tells us, in fact, that
the only reason Pharaoh allows Joseph
to leave Egypt to bury his father is
because of the oath that he has taken.
Not only would Jacob's request have
been left unfulfilled without it, but
Joseph would have been prevented
from doing his duty to his father.
Jewish tradition believes in the
power of words. It wants us to be cau-
tious with our words, but it also rec-
ognizes that standing by your word is
critical in maintaining your integrity.
Jacob's insight may be that foresight
that allows us to help maintain our
integrity even as we help others to do
the same. ❑

Steven Rubenstein is the rabbi at

Congregation Beth Ahm in West

Bloomfield.

Conversations
• When was the last time someone failed to live up to their word to you?
• When was the last time you promised something that you intended to
do but were unable to carry out? How did you feel?
• Do you think that it is useful to use a term like 'bli neder' (or some
other term) to indicate that honest intentions don't always translate
into fulfilled promises?

Kadima... caring, helping adult
and children with mental
illness to move forward
in their lives.

Thanksgiving, Chanukah,
Christmas or New Years...

opportunities for families to join together for shared
moments and memories but where is Uncle Joe?
Cousin Rachel? Grandma?

Not invited? Not part of the family?

Holidays are difficult when feelings of sadness,
loneliness, loss, depression and anxiety diminish
the "Hallmark" messages of cheer and happiness.

People with mental illness, and their family members, often
struggle to find ways to celebrate holidays.

• Include and welcome family members to the extent
family members are able to participate.
• Use holiday gatherings to help erase the stigma so often
associated with mental illness.
• Focus on accepting loved ones without judgment, critical
thoughts or advice.
• Create a "warm glow effect" with messages of empathy,
compassion and kindness.

On behalf of Kadima's staff, Board of Directors
and clients we serve,

we thank our community supporters who give
so generously to our mission.

Kadima offers programs and services to adults
who are diagnosed with major depression/anxiety,
bipolar disease, psycho-affective disorder and
schizophrenia and programs and services for children,
3 — 18 years, diagnosed with serious emotional
and behavioral disorders

If you, or someone you know, need Kadima's services,

please contact 248.559.8235.
Kadima . 15999 W. Twelve Mile Road . Southfield, Ml 48076. www.kadimacenter.org

December 27 • 2012

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