metro >> on the cover

Jewish
and

Legal obstacles still plague gay couples.

Karen Schultz Tarnopol I Special to the Jewish News

Left: Nadav Pais-

Greenapple, a bar

mitzvah, being kissed

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1

While it may not seem significant to
some that LGBT people are not allowed to
be married, there are actually more than
1,100 state and federal benefits, rights
and protections associated with legal
civil marriage that they are unable to
take advantage of as a result of not being
"legally married:' Among them:
• The right to inherit property from
their spouse if he/she dies without a
will (without having to pay inheritance
taxes).
• The right to make medical decisions
for their spouse should they become
incapacitated.
• The right to hospital visitation,
including ICU and emergency room, if
their spouse is incapacitated.
• The right to receive their spouse's
share of Social Security benefits.
• The right to be a beneficiary on a
state or federal pension.
• The right for a person from a foreign
country to gain citizenship by virtue of
marriage.
• The right to file joint income taxes
with the IRS.
• The right to have a court decide
property distribution and child custody
issues should their marriage break up.

8

November 15 • 2012

Rabbi Arnie Sleutelberg is celebrating
his 25th year as rabbi of Congregation
Shir Tikvah in Troy. In April of this year,
he married his partner, Robert Crowe, in
Windsor.
"I'll never forget the feeling of stand-
ing on the banks of the Detroit River in
Canada, facing the other side of the river
where our home is — our home that
doesn't recognize our marriage:' he recalls.
Robert is from England, so the two
headed off to England in July to get mar-
ried with Robert's friends and family
present. Robert, being a British citizen,
can live in the U.S. on a work visa, but
does not have the right to become a U.S.
citizen by virtue of marriage.
On Sept. 3, 2012, they had a ceremony
at their home in Lake Orion with 450
friends, family and supporters. "It was a
complete Jewish wedding in every way
with the exception of not being recog-
nized by the state," Sleutelberg explains.
"We have made a lot of progress along
the way, but we still have a way to go:' he
says. "I would never have believed that
my congregation would be so welcoming
and come together the way they have to
support us. I am very grateful to be in
this community and for serving the con-
gregation that I do:'

Synagogues
ries as well:'
by his two mothers,
And Gays
Changes came first in the
Beth Greenapple, left,
more liberal Reform commu-
Roughly 30 years ago,
and Julia Pais
synagogues did not
nity. The Conservative com-
welcome the Jewish gay
munity made great strides in
Right: Robert Crowe
community with open
December 2006.
and Rabbi Arnie
arms as it does today
As a result of the teshuvah
Sleutelberg were
and "it wasn't safe for
written by Rabbis Eliott Dorff,
married in Windsor,
Danny Nevins and Avram
the gay community to
Ontario, and in
attend a synagogue,"
Reisner, which received 13
England, but had a
according to Michael
votes and used the principle of
ceremony at their
Phillips, president of the
k'vod habriot (human dignity)
home in Lake Orion
Jewish Gay Network of
to override rabbinic prohibi-
recently with family
tions on homosexuality, gay
Michigan.
and friends.
"Gay people were not
ordination and same-sex
allowed to be leaders in
unions are now permitted:'
the synagogue, gay rela-
says Judy Lewis, director of
the local Affirmations Faith
tionships were not rec-
Alliance.
ognized and anniversaries were not cele-
Prohibitions still are in force in the
brated:' Sluetelberg recalls. "Membership
back then was granted based on a family
Orthodox community, but "social atti-
unit, so a gay couple would be required to tudes toward gay Jews have begun to
have two single memberships rather than
shift, due in part to movies like Trembling
one family membership:'
Before God," Lewis says.
Things have changed significantly
over the years, however, Sleutelberg says.
Adoption No Option
"For the most part, today synagogues are
LGBT couples cannot jointly adopt chil-
embracing gay members and meeting
dren in Michigan. Jay Kaplan, staff attor-
them will full acceptance. We are ordain-
ney for the LGBT Project of the ACLU
ing gay rabbis, and gay couples can join
as a family and celebrate their anniversa- Jewish And Gay on page 10