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OCTOBER 25TH - 26TH - 27TH

JEWFRO

The Things
They Hoarded

By Ben Falik

he only things in life more
stressful than moving are —
in ascending order — illness,
divorce, death and helping your
parents move hastily out of your
childhood home. So, while I em-
pathize with my mom and dad,
who are neither ill nor divorced nor
dead, I have them to thank for the
genetic combination of spontaneity
and sentimentality that made their
recent move so sanity sucking.
We moved to Harvest Lane when I
was 12. Moving in was like going to
camp, largely because I was away at
camp for the bulk of it, followed by
a few Coke-addled nights of eating
carryout at a card table. My am-
bivalence about the place is no less
adolescent now than it was then.
The pond had no name and the bus
had no kids on it. I dubbed it Ben
Lake and rode my bike to school,
but the neighborhood always felt
like anything but. Upon our depar-
ture, there were the few farewells
but prodigious picking of the pile at
the curb. And yet our lawn hosted
some of the greatest gatherings —
senior class sleep-out, high school
graduation party, wedding brunch
— each slightly less debauched
than the last.
The house is gone but the stuff
lugs on. Here are just some of the
things I couldn't bring myself to part
with but wasn't especially eager to
sort, schlep and store:

T

708 N. OLD WOODWARD 1 BIRMINGHAM I MI 48009 I 248.723.4300
ROMASPOSA.COM

Hidden
Treasure

Discov ered in Oakland County

a,

TIME CAPSULE.

elegant estate jewelry

and beautiful one-of-a-kind

Pieces can be yours for less

than you would imagine

I have no recollection of capsuling
anything ever. Can't shake a sneak-
ing suspicion that the hulking Rub-
bermaid container in the attic was
a near-decade-old attempt to avoid
cleaning my room. But the note says
not to open it until 2014, so time
will tell.

WISDOM TEETH.

)3700 Woodward Ave. • Between 1+ Mile & Lincoln • Birmin

2+8-6+4-8565

34 October 2012 I

RED THREAD

I saved these in a small bag. Why?
I did not then nor do I now have
wisdom to spare. Further, the fairy-
friendly anticipation of losing my
baby teeth years earlier was always
dampened by their diminutive
size. Wisdom teeth are big. Perhaps
someday I'll fashion them into dice.
Or new teeth.

•

Wetall

Oft

BEN BEAR.

My parents interpreted the epony-
mous stuffed animal as an early
sign of my healthy self-esteem. I
just thought it was a nice name for
a bear. My son is more into his se-
curity blanket, which he's given the
doubly narcissistic name "me-me:'

TM'.

An inspirational Jewish News ad
for the third installment of the
Teen Mission featuring a picture of
me ensconced in the second (see
above). I haven't been back to Israel
since but clearly deserve credit for
most everyone who has.

MINOR MOTION PICTURES.

During junior and senior year of
high school, my friends and I used
all the time we saved by not being
popular to make two feature-length
movies. If memory serves (possi-
bly by helping me misremember),
Incarnate and Transgression each
opened to sold-out crowds in the
Andover theater. Writer-Director-
Cameraman-Craft-Services Ben
Ketai is making a name for himself
in Hollywood — his new show
Chosen is a mystery-thriller on
Sony's crackle.com — so I'm hang-
ing on to all my script drafts, posters
and compromising pictures.

AMAZING TECHNICOLOR
HAMMOCK.

I picked this up for pesos on the
dollar during our lone trip to San
Salvador during a week in the
remote village of Ciudad Romero
with American Jewish World Service.
In spite of my fondness for lying,
swaying and netting, I have yet to
ham it up.

GRANDPA'S ARMY COAT.

This souvenir is less about the Great-
est Generation than the guy who
taught me how to play cards and
had to go outside to smoke. By then
he was a grandfatherly shape —
years after his muscle-toned tenure
as a welding teacher — but the
svelte coat is a reminder of the boy
he was when he single-handedly
defeated fascism.

www.redthreadmagazine.com