metro

Too Much from page 8

the worst of everything:' she said.
Kaplan uses CBT to help clients list
their fears and worries, look at the beliefs
behind them and come up with new
statements that are more reality-based.
"If a student is worried about getting
a bad teacher, I might encourage her to
say, 'I might have a bad teacher, but I'm
a good student. I've had bad teachers
before. If that happens, I can talk to the
teacher, or I can talk to my mother or my
sister ... ," said Kaplan.
High school students preparing for
college often fear being on their own for
the first time. They feel pressure to make
decisions they are not ready for.
"I feel like I should have everything
about my future all figured out, and I
don't," said a high school senior who
asked that his name not be used.
Kaplan said she has seen an increase in
the number of college students who have
moved back home because they could not
adjust to living on their own.
"They're scared of the future and not
mature enough, yet they feel they have to
make these mature decisions at a young
age," said Kaplan. "The [therapy] goal is
to diminish worry and fear of the future."
The situation is exacerbated by parents
who are overly involved in children's lives,
sometimes referred to as "helicopter par-
ents." This fosters a prolonged childhood
and sense of entitlement, said Kaplan.
"Do you want to protect or do you want
to prepare?" Kaplan asked. "Healthy risks
are part of growing up. Parents who try to
control and stifle undermine confidence."
Another factor is that the pre-frontal

cortex of the brain, which controls impul-
sivity, organization and other executive
functions, does not fully develop until the
early- to mid-20s. This means that most
teenagers, including college students, are
not fully capable of organizing thoughts,
setting priorities and analyzing long-term
consequences.
"Teens are impulsive; they're feeling
overwhelmed," said Kaplan. "That's where
parents come in; they need to coach and
help them slow down, not by lecturing
but by being respectful."
She encourages parents to share their
own stories so kids will understand the
reasons behind the rules.

Prescription Help?
Medication is sometimes prescribed to
alleviate stress and anxiety, depending
on the severity or duration of the symp-
toms, according to psychiatrist Dr. Randy
Dean of Neurobehavioral Medicine in
Bloomfield Hills.
Dean recommends a variety of non-
pharmacological treatment methods such
as individual, group and family therapy,
hypnotherapy and meditation techniques.
While these modalities can be effective
by themselves, some patients also require
medication.
"Often we start with the non-medica-
tion treatments, and if they are not effec-
tive enough, we might then add medica-
tion to the treatment plan," said Dean,
adding that each patient is carefully
monitored for benefits and possible side
effects resulting from medicine as well as
other forms of therapy.

Too Much Technology
Another factor contributing to stress
is the proliferation of technology and
social media. Smart phones, computers,
tablets and other mobile devices produce
a nonstop barrage of information and
communication. This can be overwhelm-
ing and distracting for teens as well as
grown-ups.
"It's 24-7, they never get a break," said
Graff, who advises parents of younger
children to regulate screen time and moni-
tor text messages and Facebook activity.
She says "car time" is a great opportunity
for parents to replace modern technology
with old-fashioned conversation.
"In the car, you have a captive audi-
ence," she said. "Don't talk on your phone;
use the time to interact with your kids."
Kaplan said another source of stress is
the isolation many teens feel within their
own families.
When family members are not busy
with work and other activities outside the
house, their at-home time is often spent
in separate rooms, focusing on computers
and other electronic devices instead of
each other.
"Family togetherness is lost; teens don't
feel a sense of belonging," said Kaplan.

School Pressure
Race to Nowhere, a 2010 documen-
tary film written by Maimone Attia and
directed by Vicki Abeles and Jessica
Congdon, depicts the negative effects of
an education system that creates stress
and student burnout with its emphasis on
grades and relentless pressure to achieve.

Tips For Parents Tips For Teens

Make time to talk to your kids without distractions, and
listen to what they have to say.
• Avoid lecturing kids of any age; treat them with respect.
• Seek help if you notice significant changes in your teen
including appetite, sleep habits, social behavior or academic
performance.
cffi> If you sense something is not right, don't ignore the situa-
tion. Go with your gut.
Be a coach, not a micro-manager. When problems arise,
offer suggestions, but allow teens to come up with their own
solutions.
(:)> Parenting is hard work. Take care of yourself by getting
proper rest, exercising regularly, eating healthy foods and
spending time doing things you enjoy.
cg> Let your teen know you love him no matter what grades
he gets or where he goes to college.
cg> Realize your children's dreams and expectations may be
different than yours.
Pass on the benefits of your experience. Don't lecture
about the evils of procrastination; instead, talk about how pro-
crastinating affected you in the past and what you learned.
cg> Avoid CATS (caffeine, alcohol, tobacco, sweeteners); these
substances can increase stress and be detrimental to your
health in other ways. If you can't abstain, use moderation.

10 September 20 • 2012

Establish a bedtime routine that includes calming activi-
ties such as listening to relaxing music, drinking tea or warm
milk, bathing or showering, or reading.
c )> Turn off electronics and start getting ready for bed early
enough to allow at least eight hours of sleep.
Exercise regularly; doing something you enjoy such as
sports or dancing makes it easier to stick to a routine.
Eat a healthy diet, and allow enough time for breakfast
before going to school.
• Develop a kit of tools to help you unwind, such as yoga,
meditation, deep-breathing, scented candles, music, walking
or other kinds of exercise.
Develop good study habits. Use a planner, either paper or
electronic, to keep track of assignments, tests, extra-curricular
activities and social engagements.
01 > Avoid procrastination. Break large projects or tasks down
into manageable pieces to avoid becoming overwhelmed.
If you feel like stress is a constant companion, ask for help.
Talk to a parent or another trusted adult, such as a teacher,
therapist, school counselor, relative or family friend.

"I hear so much worrying about the
grades, even from ninth-graders," said
Rabbi Elliot Pachter,
director of student ser-
vices at Frankel Jewish
Academy. "That con-
cerns me. There is more
focus on grades than
on developing life skills
, like good study habits,
coping skills, organiza-
Rabbi Elliot
tion — life-sustaining
Pachter
things."
Kaplan said she knows of parents who
sued their local schools for inadequate
preparation when their children were not
admitted to U-M.
"It's important that schools recognize
there are many kinds of kids and fami-
lies," said Graff. "There are all kinds of
ways for kids to get where they need to
go.
For students whose families observe
Shabbat, the pressure is even greater;
the bulk of weekend homework must be
completed on Sunday, leaving no time for
family or get-togethers with friends.
"We're living in a state of constant
stress — there's always something wait-
ing, always a test or homework or a proj-
ect waiting," said a parent who asked that
her name be withheld.
"It affects the whole family. We can't
go anywhere after school, and my daugh-
ter never goes to bed before midnight.
They're being robbed of their childhood.
They have no time to have fun, to sit with
their friends and just giggle. It's painful to
watch."

Naftaly Family Circle
Conference
Parents and professionals are
invited to attend "Uncovering the
Impact of Stress on Learning" at
the Anita Naftaly Family Circle
Conference from 12:30-4 p.m.
Sunday, Oct. 21, at Congregation
Shaarey Zedek in Southfield.
The program features national
speaker, author, clinical neuropsy-
chologist and former special edu-
cation teacher Jerome J. Schultz,
Ph.D., who will discuss the relation-
ship between stress and learning.
To register or obtain more infor-
mation, call Shoshana Baruch at
(248) 205-2549 or visit www.
jewishdetroit.org/familycircle .
Advance registration fee, $20, walk-
ins, $25. CE hours for social workers
and certified counselors and Nirim
"in-network" credit available. Nirim
teachers must register online at
www.jewishdetroit.org/nirim.

k ,