frontlines

5773 Already?

Goodfellows To Honor
Taubman At Fundraiser

A

nother New Year is nearly upon us, and I wish
you and yours all the best for a happy, healthy
and sweet 5773! Already 5773 — it's hard to
believe, isn't it? Where have the millennia gone? Yet, we're
not getting older, we're getting better, right? With advanc-
es in medicine, vitamins, exercise regimens, yoga, plastic
surgery and low-fat/high fiber/no sugar added/chemically
altered foods, 5773 is really the new 5753.
I'll spend this Jewish New Year's Eve
like I do every year; at a deli watch-
ing the matzah ball drop at midnight.
But when that ball does drop, I will be
ready with my list of gently used reso-
lutions from prior years, OK, decades.
Did you keep your 5772 New Year's
resolutions? Or do you, like me, give
yourself a mulligan and wait until the
secular New Year to make good on
your
personal commitment to better
Alan
yourself?
I, for one, still have an out-
Muskovitz
side
shot
of
reaching my goal weight
Jewish News
by
the
end
of
this Jewish calendar year
Columnist
— if I go on an IV for the next several
days or, God forbid, I'm taken hostage.
Although admittedly, I think I'd find a way to gain weight
even during a yearlong hostage crisis.
I'm looking forward to this year's holiday services and
hope that I'm in store for a thought-provoking, life-altering,
inspiring sermon. I'm also looking forward to getting a better
parking space at the temple. Speaking of which, it still amaz-
es me to what lengths worshipers will go to park illegally on
the High Holidays, just for a chance to get home a few min-
utes earlier. It's one thing on Rosh Hashanah because at least
you have a week to prepare yourself to ask for forgiveness.
But parking illegally on Yom Kippur? That's playing with fire
... and brimstone — and substantially reduces your chances
of getting written into the Book of Life.
And let's take a look at that Book of Life, shall we? There
are some dramatic changes on the horizon that you may not

JN CONTENTS

Sept.6-12, 2012

Arts/Entertainment
Calendar
Food
Israel
Letters
Life Cycles
Marketplace
Metro
Next Generation
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have heard about. My theologic sources tell me that there's a
new observance being considered called "Sin Averaging." Sin
Averaging will give multiple-sin sinners a break, by allow-
ing them to spread out their asking for forgiveness over a
period of one year. These sinners will be forgiven by the next
Jewish year and written into the Book of Life, if, and only if,
they file a "W-Oy Form" and make good on their "Quarterly
Forgiveness Estimates:' To guarantee complete transpar-
ency and honesty, multiple-sin sinners who qualify for Sin
Averaging must agree to be subjected to a lie detector test
and an hour-long interview by Oprah.
Then there's the big news circulating about a major tech-
nological breakthrough for the Book of Life. I heard through
the Rabbi Rumor Mill that by 2014/5775, the Book of Life
will become ... the Kindle of Life. If all goes well, the hope
is that by 2025, the Book of Life will have gone completely
paperless. Yes, for the times they are a changin'.
With that I say a hearty l'shanah tovah tikateivu, and please
remember, during the High Holidays — no texting while
praying. E

Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voiceover/acting talent, speaker and

emcee. Visit his website at laughwithbigaLcom.

_,, JEWISHNEWS

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19-25 Elul 5772 I Vol. CXLII, No. 5

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Out & About
Points Of View
Sports
Staff Box/Phone List
Synagogue List
Torah Portion

32
25
29
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28
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Shabbat Lights

Shabbat: Friday, Sept. 7, 7:37 p.m.
Shabbat Ends: Saturday, Sept. 8, 8:37 p.m.

Shabbat: Friday, Sept.14, 7:25 p.m.
Shabbat Ends: Saturday, Sept. 15, 8:24 p.m.

Columnist

Danny Raskin

The Old Newsboys' Goodfellow Fund of
Detroit will honor real estate developer
and Michigan philanthropist A. Alfred
Taubman at the charity's 23rd annual
Tribute Breakfast, 8 a.m. Friday, Oct. 19,
at Cobo Center.
Taubman will receive
the Edward H.
McNamara Goodfellow
of the Year Award. WJR
radio will broadcast
portions of the breakfast
live during the Paul W
Smith show.
A. Alfred
Ken Neal, president
Taubman
of Detroit Goodfellows,
said, "We're recogniz-
ing Mr. Taubman because as a prominent
businessman and philanthropist he has
shown ongoing and unwavering commit-
ment and support to the Detroit commu-
nity, which is in line with our organiza-
tion's purpose."
Tickets are $150 or $1,500 for a table
of 10. Revenue raised will go toward the
Detroit Goodfellows' 2012 fundraising
goal of $1.2 million, which will help pro-
vide 36,000 holiday gift packages contain-
ing clothing, books, candy and toys for
needy children in the Detroit area.
To purchase tickets, contact
Detroit Goodfellows Director Sari
Klok-Schneider at (586) 775-6139 or
sarigoodfellows@gmail.com . Tickets
may also be purchased online at
www.detroitgoodfellows.org.

40

Times are according to the Yeshiva Beth
Yehudah calendar.

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FJA Enrollment
Sets New Record

Frankel Jewish Academy opens its doors
this fall to record-setting admissions
numbers.
"We are kicking off our bar/bat mitz-
vah year with the largest freshman class
in FJA's history," says Rabbi Rob Morais,
FJ/6Cs director of recruitment. He and Lisa
Gilan, director of admissions, are wel-
coming a student body of more than 230
students, the school's largest enrollment
to date.
"Our students reflect a broad spectrum
of parents who want our educational
program for their children and who are
inspired by our mission as an open, hala-
chic, Zionist, American school: Gilan
says. "We have a marked increase in
enrollment from non-day school families
(40 percent), with students coming from
13 public and private schools:'
The school is taking applications for the
2013-2104 year. Contact either Morais or
Gilan at (248) 592-5263 for an application
or to schedule a school visit.

September 6 . 2012

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