frontlines

H

Surprise Endings!

ave you heard of the
Paraprosdokians? No, they
are not the latest family to
be exposed on a reality show. Nor
are they a sumptuous appetizer in an
exotic restaurant. They are figures
of speech in which the latter part of
the sentence
or phrase is
surprising or
unexpected, fre-
quently humor-
ous. (They
were favorites
of Winston
Churchill, I
hear.)
What follows
are some of the
delights that I
have come up
with and some
that are currently
making the rounds on the Internet.
After reading them, try your hand at
creating some; they are as much fun to
come up with as to read.
• If it ain't broke, the warranty is not

up yet.
• Where there is a
will, there are rela-
tives.
• If it sounds too
good to be true, just
take it and run.
• If I agreed with
you, we'd both be
wrong.
• Because light travels
faster than sound, some
people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
• Candidates run for
office; and once in, they become couch
potatoes.
• We never really grow up; we only
learn how to act in public.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is
a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad.
. Newscasters often begin with
"Good evening" and proceed to tell you
why it isn't.
• A clear conscience is the sign of a
fuzzy memory.
• You are never too old to learn

something stupid.
• Do not argue
with an idiot;
he will drag you
to his level and
beat you with
experience.
• How is it
that one careless
match can start
a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box
to start a campfire?
• Dolphins are so
smart that within a
few weeks of captivity they can train
people to stand on the edge of the pool
and throw them fish.
• Some folks bring happiness wher-
ever they go. Some, whenever they go.
• Some people hear voices. Some see
invisible people. Some have no imagi-
nation at all.
For those of you who think that
this column is way off the mark, just
remember that the sure way to hit a
target is to shoot first and call whatever
you hit the target.

❑

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