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August 23, 2012 - Image 3

Resource type:
Text
Publication:
The Detroit Jewish News, 2012-08-23

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.

frontlines

H

Surprise Endings!

ave you heard of the
Paraprosdokians? No, they
are not the latest family to
be exposed on a reality show. Nor
are they a sumptuous appetizer in an
exotic restaurant. They are figures
of speech in which the latter part of
the sentence
or phrase is
surprising or
unexpected, fre-
quently humor-
ous. (They
were favorites
of Winston
Churchill, I
hear.)
What follows
are some of the
delights that I
have come up
with and some
that are currently
making the rounds on the Internet.
After reading them, try your hand at
creating some; they are as much fun to
come up with as to read.
• If it ain't broke, the warranty is not

up yet.
• Where there is a
will, there are rela-
tives.
• If it sounds too
good to be true, just
take it and run.
• If I agreed with
you, we'd both be
wrong.
• Because light travels
faster than sound, some
people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
• Candidates run for
office; and once in, they become couch
potatoes.
• We never really grow up; we only
learn how to act in public.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is
a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad.
. Newscasters often begin with
"Good evening" and proceed to tell you
why it isn't.
• A clear conscience is the sign of a
fuzzy memory.
• You are never too old to learn

something stupid.
• Do not argue
with an idiot;
he will drag you
to his level and
beat you with
experience.
• How is it
that one careless
match can start
a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box
to start a campfire?
• Dolphins are so
smart that within a
few weeks of captivity they can train
people to stand on the edge of the pool
and throw them fish.
• Some folks bring happiness wher-
ever they go. Some, whenever they go.
• Some people hear voices. Some see
invisible people. Some have no imagi-
nation at all.
For those of you who think that
this column is way off the mark, just
remember that the sure way to hit a
target is to shoot first and call whatever
you hit the target.



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CONTENTS

Aug. 23-29, 2012

I

Community Calendar

theJEWISHNEWS.com

Matt Prentice is
pleased to annoutice4
the debut ofi

ETReIGI pRimr9

On August 31s !

Detroit Prime
is a family
steakhouse
dedicated to
high flavor value
cuts of USDA
Prime Beef &
other meats with
creative culinary
techniques.

5-11 Elul 5772 I Vol. CXLII, No. 3

Arts/Entertainment
Around Town
Calendar
Food
Israel
14-15,
Letters
Life Cycles
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Metro
Next Generation
Obituaries

37
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42
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48
8
30
57

Out & About
Points Of View
Sports
Staff Box/Phone List
Synagogue List
That's Life
Torah Portion

39
33
27
6
36
29
35

Columnists

Danny Raskin
Robert Sklar

44
33

Shabbat Lights

Shabbat: Friday, Aug. 24, 8:01 p.m.
Shabbat Ends: Saturday, Aug. 25, 9:02 p.m.

Shabbat: Friday, Aug. 31, 7:49 p.m.
Shabbat Ends: Saturday, Sept. 1, 8:50 p.m.

Detroit
s a tribute to our
City's heritage
combined with
affordable
famil

Times are according to the Yeshiva Beth
Yehudah calendar.

On The Cover:

Page design, Michelle Sheridan

Our JN Mission

The Jewish News aspires to communicate news and opinion that's useful, engaging, enjoyable and unique. It strives to
reflect the full range of diverse viewpoints while also advocating positions that strengthen Jewish unity and continu-
ity. We desire to create and maintain a challenging, caring, enjoyable work environment that encourages creativity
and innovation. We acknowledge our role as a responsible, responsive member of the community. Being competi-
tive, we must always strive to be the most respected, outstanding Jewish community publication in the nation. Our
rewards are informed, educated readers, very satisfied advertisers, contented employees and profitable growth.

The Detroit Jewish News (USPS 275-520) is
published every Thursday at 29200 Northwestern
Highway, #110, Southfield, Michigan. Periodical
postage paid at Southfield, Michigan, and
additional mailing offices. Postmaster: send changes
to: Detroit Jewish News, 29200 Northwestern
Highway, #110, Southfield, MI 48034.

248-737-9600

JN

August 23 • 2012

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