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Terror And Kids
Jewish traditions offer resources for
helping children cope.
Sharon Duke Estroff
Special to the Jewish News
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28 August 2 • 2012
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JN
he last few weeks were tough
news weeks for parents. First
came the heinous attack on
an Israeli tour bus in Bulgaria on
July 19, followed a day later by the
incomprehensible tragedy in Colorado.
Questions of how to talk to our
children about these headlines have
weighed heavily ever since.
How do we explain how a few
moments of summer fun — a bus
ride to a beach resort or a carefree
night at the movies — could turn on a
dime into a mass murder scene? How
do we reassure them that all movie
theaters aren't dark, scary places with
deranged killers lurking in the wings?
How do we help them grasp the real-
ity that some terrorist acts specifically
target Jews and Israel?
As Jewish parents, we are fortunate
to have a unique set of resources in
our rich Jewish tradition that can help
us navigate even the most daunting of
parental hurdles.
The following suggestions offer a
purposeful roadmap toward helping
your kids cope with terrorism and
other difficult topics.
The Shema. "Hear, Israel, the Lord
is our God, the Lord is One." The
Shema is considered the most impor-
tant prayer in the Jewish religion as
it perfectly and succinctly reaffirms
our faith and connection with God
twice a day. The imagery of terrorism
our kids see on the TV, Internet and
social media can make their world feel
frightening and out of control. By say-
ing the Shema, this sense of powerless
is replaced by spirituality and belief
in a higher power that will help guide
and sustain them through good times
and bad.
The Haggadah. The word haggadah
means a storytelling. Sharing tales of
overcoming hardship is part of our
religion by design. From Passover to
Purim and everything in between, we
reassure our children of the power
of perseverance and the ultimate tri-
umph of good over evil. The Center
for Myth and Ritual in American
Life (MARIAL) at Emory University
has shown this premise on a more
scientific level. A long-term study by
MARIAL found that children whose
parents told family stories at the din-
ner table had significantly better cop-
ing skills than those whose parents
did not.
Tikkun Olam (Repairing the World).
Senseless acts of violence like these
confirm that our world is indeed in
need of repair. Joining forces with our
children to pick up litter in a park,
volunteer in a soup kitchen or doing
other volunteer acts can feel like our
own little triumph over evil.
Tzedakah and Gemilut Chasadim
(Acts of Loving Kindness). Yes, the
tragedies in Aurora and Bulgaria shake
us to the core. But rather than focus-
ing °lithe horror, we should encour-
age our children (and ourselves) to
channel our energies into feeling
compassion for the families affected
by these tragedies. Collecting tzedakah
for Israel and making cards for the
people in the hospital can help facili-
tate this cognitive shift from fear to a
much healthier compassion.
Jewish Courage. There is a beautiful
Hebrew song based on the sage words
of Rav Nachman of Breslov. Kol ha-
olam kulo gesher tzar m'od v'ha-ikkar
lo lfahed klal (The world is a very nar-
row bridge, but the main thing is not
to fear.) "Courage is not the absence
of fear; it is the overcoming of fear:'
writes Rabbi Harold Kushner in his
book Conquering Fear: Living Boldly in
an Uncertain World. This is not to sug-
gest we encourage our kids to throw
caution to the wind. They should be
sensible and vigilant. But then it's time
to move forward: Taking bus rides to
the beach, munching popcorn at the
movie theater, walking that inevitably
narrow bridge with a zest for life and
faith in the world's ultimate goodness.
Enjoy the journey together.
❑
Sharon Duke Estroff is an award-winning
educator and author of the popular
parenting book, Can I Have a Cell Phone
for Hanukkah? (Random House). www.
sharonestroff.com