Parshat Chukat: Numbers 19:1- 22:1; Judges 11:1-11:33. A chukah, the sages tell us, is a statute or law that is unex- plainable in itself, even unrea- sonable. Accepting our mortality is the ultimate chukah — the final unreason- able and unquestioned statute that we must obey. In this week's Torah read- ing, we encounter the deaths of both Miriam and Aaron. What do we learn about our own response to death through the narrative of this double tragedy in the life of Am Yisrael? When Miriam dies, the people complain that there is no water left for them. The Torah surprisingly describes neither official mourning period nor practice in her memory. But the Midrash reminds us that as long as she was alive, Miriam represented and provided a "Well of Living Waters." Her kindness and her nurturing were sources of sustenance and comfort. After her sudden death, the Israelites cried to Moses to restore to them the moisture of Miriam's care, not just to quench their thirst. But the "Well" of Miriam's water closed up, shocked there was no grief displayed and no tears shed for her. God compassionately intervened, telling Moses to speak to the very rock that was the source of Miriam's well. But Moses strikes the rock (twice) instead — out of his own grief, perhaps? Or was Moses angry with the people who would not even give him and Aaron the courtesy of a moment's peace to grieve? Or was he feeling guilty for all the times he meant to tell her that he loved her, and didn't? What do we learn from the stories of Miriam's passing in the Torah, and from the responses to her death? I note four quite evident characteristics that blend into the rabbis' portrait of her life as a source of living water for the people of Israel: She is a caregiver, standing by to watch as an Egyptian princess draws her younger brother, Moses, from the water. She arranges for a nursemaid for the boy — their own mother, we are told — and later serves as a role model as he re-learns his Israelite heritage. She takes timbrel in hand to sing and lead the dancing at the moment of her people's greatest joy: the Crossing of the Sea of Reeds. She celebrates the human experience, and especially composes the words and music that enhance her fam- ily's happy events. She is critical of Moses' faults, and cannot resist trying to help him make the correct choices. She speaks her mind, especially in light of what she perceives as an injustice with the Kushite woman whom her brother marries. Tradition warns of the gossip, if not outright prejudice that might have been Miriam's motivation; but tradition also notes that it would have been a worse sin for her to remain indiffer- ent and silent if she felt that Moses was in error. And the final characteristic of Miriam's life was her mere presence. She was reliable and trusted. When she died, she was truly missed. When she died, it was noticeable — something critical and vital in the community's life was different, and the people were upset, "thirsty" for her voice and her music and her nourishment. Later in the same chapter, Aaron, the high priest, the peacemaker and peace- lover, joins Miriam in death, and the people are numb. But Aaron (with Moses' help) had prepared for his death, training his sons (even in light of their own per- sonal tragedy) and sharing the responsi- bilities and blessings of priesthood with them. One by one, the Israelites' leaders are taken from them, and they develop a response for life: mourning for 30 days, distinguishing between pure and impure, affirming the importance of memory. So this is our Torah: The stories we tell and the customs we practice, gen- eration to generation, form our human answer to the chukah of human mortal- ity. Every time we sing Miriam's words, every time we hear Aaron's priestly benediction, (every time we see a smile on the face of a critically ill child who has been given new hope), we remind ourselves of their lives and gifts to us. This commentary on mourning was written in memory of Murray J. Grant — dreamer, visionary, devoted lover of Israel, nurturer of burdened souls and dear friend. ❑ Norman T. Roman is a rabbi at Temple Kol Celebrate with Us. Experience Mortgage Quick Close. For quick decisions on the financial issues that matter to you, choose your local Level One Banking Center. Our Mortgage Quick Close process promises a swift decision that will get you into your dream home sooner. 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