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An Orthodox Paradox

One woman's view of being feminist
and Modern Orthodox.

T

here is a form of psychother-
apy developed by Dr. Marsha
Linehan called Dialectical
Behavioral Therapy. It is based on
the Hegelian principle in which the
tension that exists between two con-
flicting or interacting ideas
(thesis and anti-thesis)
become combined in a
unified whole (synthesis).
This concept is one that
many Modern Orthodox
Jewish women understand
and struggle with them-
selves.
How do we reconcile our
commitment to Orthodox
Judaism, which has a
restrictive role for women,
with our lack of tolerance
for restrictions on women
in any other area of life?
How do both of those beliefs live side
by side within us, each mattering in
almost equal measure, yet contra-
dictory? These are questions I ask
myself regularly.
Modern Orthodoxy as a movement
grapples with the issue of how to bal-
ance the commitment to Halachah
(Jewish law) and modernity. Within
that framework, the movement has
tried to maximize the role of women
as much as possible. Girls are as
highly educated as boys, and the
expectations of academic success
and professional goals are equal. The
paradox is that the girls are prepared
to participate fully in Jewish life,
yet, ultimately, women's power and
role is limited. Decisions pertain-
ing to major life issues, authority to
perform marriages, grant divorces,
interpret Halachah, have full and
equal say in religious and commu-
nity matters, are still the domain of
men only.
In the spiritual realm, women are
prohibited from leading services.
Perhaps for many women that is
not something they would care to
do even if they could, so for them
it is not an issue. But for someone
like me who would love to have that
opportunity, it is a real loss. There
are Orthodox synagogues where the
role of women has been expanded
within the framework of Halachah
but, so far, these exist only in major
Jewish cities and are not yet main-
stream.
This issue would be so much easier
if I were to affiliate with a different

movement, yet I can't. My inabil-
ity to join is not because I do not
respect and value the perspectives
of the other movements. I believe
that even though each of the move-
ments has its criticisms of the others,
and may be isolated from
the others, I see them as
synergistic and as having
influenced one another in
positive ways. Together, we
make up the Jewish peo-
ple, and we are not whole
without each other.
My inability to leave
Orthodoxy is because I
value what it taught me. I
need to belong to a com-
munity whose culture is
one of commitment to
Shabbat, kashrut and other
mitzvot whose observance
connects us to the past and to Jews
the world over. Though these are also
the Halachic expectations and prin-
ciples of the Conservative movement,
the reality of practice, for the most
part, is much different.

Guiding My Behavior
Though some forms of Orthodoxy
have become more about rigidity
and conformity, the Orthodoxy I
grew up with in the 1950s and '60s
established moral and ethical princi-
ples that were expected to guide my
behavior in all areas of life. It taught
compassion, kindness, responsibil-
ity, justice and fairness, honor and
dignity. It required me to take these
principles into the world rather than
withdraw from it. The commitment
to Shabbat created awareness of the
mundane and the sacred. The knowl-
edge that Shabbat comes every week,
requiring preparation and offering a
chance to withdraw from routine life,
that the cycle of chagim (holidays)
will recur with their unique rituals
provides stability and groundedness
in a world that is otherwise rather
chaotic and unpredictable.
Living among others who are
committed to these same rituals,
values and teachings creates a sense
of belonging even though, as in any
group, we may be very different
in personality and interests. The
frequency and regularity of tefillah
(prayer) are an ongoing reminder
of a presence larger than ourselves
who guides us and expects us to live
up to a set of high expectations. All

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Orthodox Paradox on pg 100

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