Where The BLEEP
Is That Beep-Beep Beep?
e know that life has its way of throwing us curve
of without incident numerous times before.
balls. For that reason, we've all been told at one
It was dark; the street was lit only by a faint moon, and
time or another, be it in your personal life or at
the car that would soon be on the receiving end of my back
work, that it's important to have a "back-up plan." My back-
bumper was black. Yes, my friends, the evening was ripe for
up plan is ... to never back up again!
an attack by the infamous "Backer-upper-er." To add insult to
A few days ago, I backed my car up into yet another vehicle injury, I was driving my son's car! Yep, the same son whose
that was parked behind me. While I could look
one-week-old car I had bumped into several years
up the invoices from various collision shops to
prior. The good news is he lives in Chicago and no
verify my history of back-up blunders, let's just
longer requires a car. The bad news is he's coming to
say for the record, it's been something like seven
town this week and I haven't gotten his car fixed yet.
times in the last 10 years.
Oh, the humanity! Oh, the humiliation!
Several of my victims involved cars belonging
In collision, I mean, in conclusion, there's some-
to family members. The most memorable was
thing else you should know that I believe may have
backing up into my son's new car when it was
contributed, at least in part, to my most recent back-
less than a week old. I'll never forget when we
up blooper. You see, one of our family's cars goes
picked the car up from the bump shop. His car
"beep, beep, beep" when I back-up, forewarning me
looked, well, brand new, because it was.
of impending doom. Like Pavlov's dogs, I've gotten
My best non-family-member-back-up deba-
used to hearing the warning beeps. But my son's
cle? Hands down, and I kid you not, I actually
car doesn't go "beep, beep, beep:' so last week I just
backed up into my insurance agent's car! And,
kept backing up until my irresistible force (my son's
I have a category for my best back-up disaster
car) met someone else's immovable object (a black
not involving another automobile. Once I forgot
to close the trunk lid on my SUV and proceeded to back out
And when my son does finally hear about his car, you
of my garage bending my trunk lid on the top of our garage
can bet he won't care about any "beep, beep, beeps?' No, it
will be all about his "bleep, bleep, bleeps?' Be well, and I'll
Why do I have an affinity to backing my cars up into
see you next month when I'll be "back-up" here on Page 3
nothing but trouble? Part of it's because I suffer from both
A.D.H.D. and I.D.I.O.T. Now let's move on to my latest back-
up fiasco. It occurred on the evening of this past April 22. I
Alan Muskovitz is a writer, speaker, emcee and voiceover talent.
was backing out of a driveway, a driveway I had backed out
Visit his website at laughwithbigal.com .
May 10 - May 16, 2012 I 18-24 Iyar 5772 I Vol. CXLI, No. 14
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In 1992, Regina Slutsky and her
family emigrated from Kiev, arriving
with $250 and a desire to make life
better for the children. "In Kiev, my
children would only be able to go
so far in life, because we are Jews,
and daily we were made to feel
ashamed of that," Regina said. "It
was very hard to pick up and move
to a new country, but here we are,
and we are okay. Hebrew Free Loan
helped us to be okay."
First, Regina and her husband,
Boris, applied for a loan to purchase
a car so they could get to work.
After that loan was repaid, they
applied for another to help Boris
get dental work. One daughter took
a loan to help pay for pharmacy
school, and the couple approached
HFL again to help cover some costs
for the other daughter's wedding.
Grant money from The Jewish
Fund to HFL's Project HEAL helped
cover Regina's recent dental surgery.
"Everyone was so warm, so gentle
with us," Regina said. "I think the
people at Hebrew Free Loan treated
us like relatives, they were so kind.
We came here to get a better life,
and we're doing fine."
Times are according to the Yeshiva Beth
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Hebrew Free Loan gives interest-
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to help maintain the lives of
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blzok like' Hebrew Free Loan Detroit
77"‘ Jeo i sh
May 10 • 2012