health & fitness >> addiction & recovery Don't Let Shame Stop You W hen I was the director of Friendship House, I went to meet a new potential member, a Jewish person who was struggling with addiction. He was a successful profession- al, an esteemed member of his synagogue and a donor to Jewish causes. Our meeting went very well; he decided to take his recovery seriously and asked me to help him in his journey. He wanted to meet with me once a week, so I invited him to come see me in my office. He was shocked by such a proposition. "If people see me with you, they will know that I am an addict!" he said. Apparently, just being seen in the company of the Recovery Rabbi would be letting the world know about his problem. I came up with a solution. "If anyone asks how and why you know the rabbi, just say that he is helping a family member',' I suggested. Now the man was really offended. "Rabbi! Don't ever say that to anyone,' he said. "I don't want them to think negatively about my family. What an embarrassment!" I am not here to tell you about the shame that exists among addicts and their families. I am not here to give you tips on how to avoid shaming an addict or his family. I'm not even here to tell you that there is nothing to be ashamed of. I'm here to talk about courage — the courage to do the right thing. In all my years of experience in the field of addiction and recov- ery, I have never met a person in active recovery who was ashamed of his or her condi- tion. The shame exists only in the mind of the addict, and it exists only as long as he doesn't take action to remediate his illness. In reality, shame needs to be added to the long lists of excuses that hold addicts back from addressing their problems. When an addict or family member summons the courage to join a recovery program, he finds there is nothing to be ashamed of. Quite the opposite: There is everything to be proud of. The individual has taken charge and control of his life and is no longer staying in a desperate condition because of the alleged judgment of others. Unfortunately, the addict and the family members are so burdened by the disease that we can hardly expect them to be active in dispelling their own shame. It is incum- bent upon every community to take actions to alleviate the shame and to encourage more addicts and their families to seek help. Here are a few practical steps: If you are a recovering addict, speak up! While members of 12-step programs are not supposed to disclose their affiliation to a specific Anonymous fellowship, such as AA, nothing stops them from identifying themselves as recovering addicts. By doing so, you are proudly showing your courage in doing the right thing and are empower- ing others to follow suit. Organizations that help addicts need to be openly supported by community mem- bers. Every time a person makes a contri- bution of time or money to such an orga- nization, they are legitimizing the work that they do. This is especially true for the Jewish community and for organizations that specifically target Jewish addicts, such as Friendship House and Jewish Family Service. The very fact that these programs exist lets everyone know that the Jewish com- munity supports Jewish addicts and their families. If you are influential in your synagogue, organization, neighborhood or family, speak up. Tell others that you do not judge addicts, that you understand the disease concept of addiction and that you know wonderful people who are winning the fight as well as those less fortunate who succumbed to the disease. The more addicts and their family members are openly accepted and under- stood, the less fear they will have about being judged and ostracized, and the more likely they will be to seek out help. Replace shame with courage and pride! LI Rabbi Yisrael Pinson served as director of the Daniel B. Sobel Friendship House from 2002 through 2011. He continues to work with Jewish recovering addicts and their families. Find more of his writings at www.JewishRecovery.org . This column is a project of the Daniel B. Sobel Friendship House, a program of the Friendship Circle, which provides support and guidance to individuals and families struggling with addiction, isolation and other life crises through a welcoming Jewish recovery community. For more information and a complete list of meetings and programs, visit www.friendshiphouse.org or call (248) 788- 8888. All 'calls are held in strict confidentiality. CHARACH CANCER TREATMENT CENTER "It was amazing using the new equipment. I was in and out in 10 minutes and experienced no side ef- fects and no discomfort. It was fantastic for me — they made it painless and fearless." cr,gr THERE'S A POWERFUL NEW WEAPON IN THE FIGHT AGAINST CANCER. 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