- metro >> family counseling Honesty And Trust H ave you ever said: "Be straight with me"? Whether in retail or rela- tionships, we all want others to be honest with us. When people demon- strate honesty over time we're more likely to trust what they said, did or represented. Trusting means you're able to rely on that person without question. Still, there are no guaran- tees. Trust can't just be assumed; it really must be earned. When we question another's veracity, we lose our confidence and trust. We may even question a person's principles and the value of our relationship. In the midst of this political season, one of our challenges is to examine each candidate's honesty. We're flooded with political ads that leave us ques- tioning each contender. The old joke that you can tell politicians are lying because their lips move speaks to how our elections have come to rely on innu- endo and name-call- ing rather than facts and policies. Luckily, we have electronic and social media to check facts the instant they are stat- ed. We have arrived at a time of verification that supports our representation. But can you trust what you read? In families, we don't have these tools. Still, raising our children to be honest need not be dif- ficult. We encourage our children to be honest, even though we know occa- sionally we'll have reason to doubt. We look them in the eye for telltale signs of dishonesty: the hesitation in speech, a twitch of a lip or too many details, but hope these instances will be few. For children to be forthright, parents need to be forthcoming themselves. Honesty and trust are roads that go both ways. Children today, particularly ado- lescents, have more opportunities than ever to have their honesty and trust tested. Through cell phones and laptops they are connected to a world with few limits. It's easy for them to experience ideas and actions that were off-limits and inaccessible when their parents were growing up. Anyone can Google questionable words or pictures. In the face of such overwhelming availability and pressures, parents must trust our children to make good decisions. To prepare and guide our children for this intense world, parents need to engage them about their lives. Begin by keeping connected (or re-connecting, if necessary). Though children may com- plain, parents need to be familiar with their friends and their parents, as well as scrutinize the places they go. They should listen to their children's music to become aware of the messages they're absorbing. All too often, kids have earphones plugged in like perma- nent implants, making it easy to tune out the world. This world can be scary to these heirs of an ever-changing future. Parental influence and author- ity are diminished when the outside world is allowed to supplant family bonds and require- ments. Too many faini- lies are in turmoil because of finances, career disruptions, substance abuse or infidelity. These problems most often arise in an atmo- sphere of distrust or dishonesty. With hindsight, parents can ascertain when dishonesty led to disunity and identify the point where trust was lost. It is important to recognize when words will hurt or actions will damage trust. Calmly talking about what was said or done, at a time away from the moments of anger or sadness, while difficult, can heal wounds. Be open to solutions that return you, your family and others to a path of honesty and trust. Doing so will create a greater opportuhity for personal and family happiness. You can trust me on this. Honestly! 111 We encourage our children to be honest, even though we know occasionally we'll have reason to doubt. 18 February 23 2012 Dr. Daniel Rosenbaum, PhD, LMSW, is a clinical social worker at Counseling Associates Inc. in West Bloomfield, where he counsels children, teens and adults experiencing family or personal psychological problems. Reach him at (248) 626-1500. JVS Trade Secrets Set For March 7 T he JVS Trade Secrets fundraiser and dinner is about supporting and empowering women. And who better to do that than renowned researcher, Dr. Eva Feldman, who has made it her mission to use scientific discoveries to understand and cure human diseases. Eva Feldman, M.D., Ph.D., F.A.A.N, is the Russell N. DeLong Professor of Neurology at the University of Michigan and will serve as the honor- Dr. Eva ary chair and keynote Feldman speaker for the fourth annual Trade Secrets dinner on Wednesday, March 7, at the Townsend Hotel in Birmingham. The event raises funds for the JVS Women to Work Program, which helps women enter or return to the workforce after life-changing events. One such woman, Carol Shapiro Havis, who was helped by JVS and went on to start her own business; will receive the JVS Women to Work Award at the event. In January 2008, Feldman was named the first director of the A. Alfred Taubman Medical Research-Institute, which was created to support funda- mental research of a wide range of diseases. Under her leadership, the Taubman Institute funds senior-level scientists researching a diverse spec- trum of conditions — adult and child- hood cancer, ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease), diabetes, cardiovascular disease and hearing loss. In her own work, Feldman is at the forefront of applying stem cell research to human disease. Most notably, she is the principal investigator of the first clinical trial of intraspinal transplanta- tion of stem cells in patients with ALS. She is the author of more than 220 articles, 50 book chapters and two books. She is the principal investiga- tor of four major National Institutes of Health research grants, three private foundation grants and five clinical trials focused on understanding and treating neurological disorders with an emphasis on ALS and diabetic neuropathy. She is president of the American Neurological Association and recent past president of the Peripheral Nerve Society. Trade Secrets is co-chaired by Diane Farber, Beth Gotthelf and Gwen Weiner. Tickets for the event are $125. For more information, visit www.jvsdet.org , or call Sharon Snyder at (248) 233-4290. ❑ Super Raffle Four agencies work together to fundraise. VS, JARC, the Jewish Community Center and Friendship Circle again are partnering in Super Raffle III to benefit all four agencies. The drawing will take place at 2:30 p.m. Sunday, March 4, at the JCC in West Bloomfield at the Center's Camp Kids All Together (KAT) event, a day of family fun to support children with special needs. "This collaboration began as a seed that has flowered into collaborative program- ming for four of the finest Jewish institutions in the city' said Mark A. Lit, JCC executive director. "JVS, JARC, the JCC and the Friendship Circle were facing a downward-spiraling economy that all nonprofits had to reckon with, and we needed to think creatively' said Rick Loewenstein, CEO of JARC."We sat with the execs and development staffs of the four agencies that share our passion for providing services for people with developmental dis- abilities. The raffle was an easy way for us to partner:' Barbara Nurenberg, CEO of JVS, said, "The raffle is a fun way for people to help raise critical funds to support services for children and adults with developmental disabilities. Our common goal is enhancing their quality of life and their community inclusion. We all la) focus on different aspects, but we share this common passion and goal:' The raffle ticket price is $50 or three for $100. Prizes are a Suite of Sports Suites, which indudes use of private suites to watch the Pistons at the Palace, the Tigers at Comerica Park and the Red Wings at Joe Louis Arena; a dinner for eight catered in your home by renowned chef Annabel Cohen; and a Suite of Shopping Sprees that indudes a $1,000 gift certificate for Somerset Collection and $500 at Great Lakes Crossing. The Super Raffle has an unusual structure: . Four members from each agency board, including one captain, will sell raffle tickets. Each team is composed of representatives from all four agencies. "It is exciting to work with team mem- bers from other agencies:' said JVS board member Jeff Budaj. "It gives us an oppor- tunity to meet and network, and it is nice to have competition among the teams rather than among the agencies. All of us are striving together to make a difference in our community" Lisa Pernick, Sue Curhan and Dan Wickman also are team captains. Super Raffle tickets may be purchased at all participating agencies or at www. SuperRaffle.org. ❑