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metro >> family counseling
Honesty And Trust
H
ave you ever said: "Be
straight with me"?
Whether in retail or rela-
tionships, we all want others to be
honest with us. When people demon-
strate honesty over time we're more
likely to trust what they
said, did or represented.
Trusting means you're
able to rely on that person
without question. Still,
there are no guaran-
tees. Trust can't just be
assumed; it really must be
earned.
When we question
another's veracity, we lose
our confidence and trust.
We may even question a
person's principles and the
value of our relationship.
In the midst of this political season,
one of our challenges is to examine
each candidate's honesty. We're flooded
with political ads that leave us ques-
tioning each contender. The old joke
that you can tell politicians are lying
because their lips
move speaks to how
our elections have
come to rely on innu-
endo and name-call-
ing rather than facts
and policies. Luckily,
we have electronic
and social media
to check facts the
instant they are stat-
ed. We have arrived at
a time of verification
that supports our
representation. But
can you trust what
you read?
In families, we
don't have these tools. Still, raising our
children to be honest need not be dif-
ficult. We encourage our children to
be honest, even though we know occa-
sionally we'll have reason to doubt. We
look them in the eye for telltale signs
of dishonesty: the hesitation in speech,
a twitch of a lip or too many details,
but hope these instances will be few.
For children to be forthright, parents
need to be forthcoming themselves.
Honesty and trust are roads that go
both ways.
Children today, particularly ado-
lescents, have more opportunities
than ever to have their honesty and
trust tested. Through cell phones and
laptops they are connected to a world
with few limits. It's easy for them to
experience ideas and actions that were
off-limits and inaccessible when their
parents were growing up. Anyone can
Google questionable words or pictures.
In the face of such overwhelming
availability and pressures, parents
must trust our children to make good
decisions.
To prepare and guide our
children for this intense
world, parents need to engage
them about their lives. Begin
by keeping connected (or
re-connecting, if necessary).
Though children may com-
plain, parents need to be
familiar with their friends
and their parents, as well as
scrutinize the places they go.
They should listen to their
children's music to become
aware of the messages they're
absorbing. All too often, kids
have earphones plugged in like perma-
nent implants, making it easy to tune
out the world. This world can be scary
to these heirs of an ever-changing
future. Parental influence and author-
ity are diminished when the outside
world is allowed
to supplant family
bonds and require-
ments.
Too many faini-
lies are in turmoil
because of finances,
career disruptions,
substance abuse
or infidelity. These
problems most often
arise in an atmo-
sphere of distrust or
dishonesty.
With hindsight,
parents can ascertain
when dishonesty
led to disunity and
identify the point where trust was
lost. It is important to recognize when
words will hurt or actions will damage
trust. Calmly talking about what was
said or done, at a time away from the
moments of anger or sadness, while
difficult, can heal wounds.
Be open to solutions that return you,
your family and others to a path of
honesty and trust. Doing so will create
a greater opportuhity for personal and
family happiness.
You can trust me on this. Honestly! 111
We encourage
our children to
be honest, even
though we know
occasionally we'll
have reason to
doubt.
18 February 23 2012
Dr. Daniel Rosenbaum, PhD, LMSW, is
a clinical social worker at Counseling
Associates Inc. in West Bloomfield,
where he counsels children, teens and
adults experiencing family or personal
psychological problems. Reach him at
(248) 626-1500.
JVS Trade Secrets Set For March 7
T
he JVS Trade Secrets fundraiser
and dinner is about supporting
and empowering women. And
who better to do that than renowned
researcher, Dr. Eva Feldman, who has
made it her mission to use scientific
discoveries to understand and cure
human diseases.
Eva Feldman,
M.D., Ph.D., F.A.A.N,
is the Russell N.
DeLong Professor
of Neurology at
the University of
Michigan and will
serve as the honor-
Dr. Eva
ary chair and keynote
Feldman
speaker for the fourth
annual Trade Secrets
dinner on Wednesday, March 7, at the
Townsend Hotel in Birmingham.
The event raises funds for the JVS
Women to Work Program, which helps
women enter or return to the workforce
after life-changing events. One such
woman, Carol Shapiro Havis, who was
helped by JVS and went on to start
her own business; will receive the JVS
Women to Work Award at the event.
In January 2008, Feldman was
named the first director of the A. Alfred
Taubman Medical Research-Institute,
which was created to support funda-
mental research of a wide range of
diseases. Under her leadership, the
Taubman Institute funds senior-level
scientists researching a diverse spec-
trum of conditions — adult and child-
hood cancer, ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease),
diabetes, cardiovascular disease and
hearing loss.
In her own work, Feldman is at the
forefront of applying stem cell research
to human disease. Most notably, she is
the principal investigator of the first
clinical trial of intraspinal transplanta-
tion of stem cells in patients with ALS.
She is the author of more than 220
articles, 50 book chapters and two
books. She is the principal investiga-
tor of four major National Institutes of
Health research grants, three private
foundation grants and five clinical trials
focused on understanding and treating
neurological disorders with an emphasis
on ALS and diabetic neuropathy. She is
president of the American Neurological
Association and recent past president of
the Peripheral Nerve Society.
Trade Secrets is co-chaired by Diane
Farber, Beth Gotthelf and Gwen Weiner.
Tickets for the event are $125. For more
information, visit www.jvsdet.org , or call
Sharon Snyder at (248) 233-4290.
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Super Raffle
Four agencies work together to fundraise.
VS, JARC, the Jewish Community
Center and Friendship Circle again
are partnering in Super Raffle III to
benefit all four agencies.
The drawing will take place at 2:30
p.m. Sunday, March 4, at the JCC in West
Bloomfield at the Center's Camp Kids All
Together (KAT) event, a day of family fun to
support children with special needs.
"This collaboration began as a seed that
has flowered into collaborative program-
ming for four of the finest Jewish institutions
in the city' said Mark A. Lit, JCC executive
director.
"JVS, JARC, the JCC and the Friendship
Circle were facing a downward-spiraling
economy that all nonprofits had to reckon
with, and we needed to think creatively' said
Rick Loewenstein, CEO of JARC."We sat with
the execs and development staffs of the four
agencies that share our passion for providing
services for people with developmental dis-
abilities. The raffle was an easy way for us to
partner:'
Barbara Nurenberg, CEO of JVS, said, "The
raffle is a fun way for people to help raise
critical funds to support services for children
and adults with developmental disabilities.
Our common goal is enhancing their quality
of life and their community inclusion. We all
la)
focus on different aspects, but we share this
common passion and goal:'
The raffle ticket price is $50 or three for
$100. Prizes are a Suite of Sports Suites,
which indudes use of private suites to
watch the Pistons at the Palace, the Tigers
at Comerica Park and the Red Wings at
Joe Louis Arena; a dinner for eight catered
in your home by renowned chef Annabel
Cohen; and a Suite of Shopping Sprees that
indudes a $1,000 gift certificate for Somerset
Collection and $500 at Great Lakes Crossing.
The Super Raffle has an unusual structure: .
Four members from each agency board,
including one captain, will sell raffle tickets.
Each team is composed of representatives
from all four agencies.
"It is exciting to work with team mem-
bers from other agencies:' said JVS board
member Jeff Budaj. "It gives us an oppor-
tunity to meet and network, and it is nice to
have competition among the teams rather
than among the agencies. All of us are
striving together to make a difference in
our community"
Lisa Pernick, Sue Curhan and Dan
Wickman also are team captains.
Super Raffle tickets may be purchased
at all participating agencies or at www.
SuperRaffle.org.
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