ETCETERA
I
NIGHT CAP
Praise the Lord, and Pass the Adderall
Grin and bear it until Doomsday, or next year's New Year's Eve.
By Harry Kirsbaum
if the Mayans have it right, we've just celebrated our last
I
New Year's Eve, we've watched our last College Bowl
1 game and we've been slapped with our last face full of
holiday mace on Black Friday.
The end of the world is coming this year, and it could be
a good thing. It could put us out of our misery.
Why worry about the election? We'll never make it to
Inauguration Day. And no need to concern ourselves about
the economy, the debt ceiling, the Arab Spring or the
European Fall. Don't fret about the mortgage payment past
September, either. The bankers will still be finalizing the
foreclosure documents when the end arrives.
But if the Mayans are wrong about the end of the world
on Dec. 22, 2012, we need a plan to get us out of the funk
of 2011 and chart a better course for the new year.
But first, we have to face some harsh realities.
Our world has gotten louder, more raw, and it needs a
big dose of Adderall.
When computers, iPads and iPods become necessities,
when Facebook friends replace real friends, we may be
wired, but we're still alone. That's why it's hard to make it
through the day without some pharmaceutical help.
When 24-hour cable news cycles replace newspapers,
it's easy to overdose on hard news minus context. And
this stretched-out election season can only make sense
in a meth addict's brain.
When entertainment seeped into politics during this
year's weekly Republican debates, what could have been
a real learning experience turned into a reality series
remembered in 30-second sound bites: the one where
the audience cheered the death penalty; the one where
Rick Perry forgot (Really? He forgot?) the third of three
government departments he'd like to close; the one with
Romney's $10,000 bet. We're forced to wait for the media to
tell us what we saw because we expected a debate, but a
verbal hockey fight broke out.
Bachmann, Perry, Cain – one by one, each candidate
took a turn as the next bright, shiny object to make a run at
Romney, but they exploded like a Fourth of July fireworks
display. At press time, Gingrich's vapor trail was still being
seen in Iowa and New Hampshire.
At least, the political year ended on good news. Donald
Trump canceled his plan to moderate a Republican debate
in late December between Gingrich and Rick Santorum,
whose claim to fame is Christian family values and how his
name became"redefined" on Google.
So we can only wonder what kind of questions Trump
would have asked:
International: "I hate China. Do you hate China?"
Financial: "How many planes do you have? I have three."
Personal: "Is your wife as hot as my wife?"
I hope that the caucuses shake out the field early, and we
learn if the Tea Party and the Occupy Movement are really
as game changing as CNN, MSNBC and Fox News say they
are.
If the loudmouth political atmosphere was the biggest
story in a non-election year, and the aggressive nature of
the Tea Party and Occupy Movement is just a microcosm
of what modern-day life has become to strugglers and
job creators alike, we need to slow things down and get a
big bowl of mellow this year. Inhale. Exhale. Worry about
the things you can actually change, and leave the rest
alone.
So, goodbye 2011 and all the misery you contained, and
hello 2012.1 hope that January starts a new year filled with
peace, prosperity — and I forgot the third one.
Pass the Adderall, please.
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