GITTLEMAN
ETCETERA
CONSTRUCTION Inc
Fine Renovations & Expansions Since 1978
THE GINA MONOLOGUES
The End Days — Bring It On!
Five reasons why I'll take the Apocalypse over New Year's Eve.
By Gina Volpe
t's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine!" Perhaps R.E.M. front man Michael
Stipe was looking on the bright side of the apocalypse: No more New Year's Eves! As
2011 draws to a close, and apparently the end is nigh, it's comforting to know that
humanity can rally around two constants: pizza is delicious and New Years Eve is the worst.
Here are five reasons why the end of the world beats celebrating New Year's Eve:
TOO MUCH PRESSURE
Remember being 9 and working so hard to train for the ultimate third
grade athletic feat: burping the alphabet? And finally, after months of rig-
orous preparation, you achieved this talent. You told everyone, and it was
going to be so awesome, and they should totally watch you do it so you
could blow their minds. And then everyone said, "OK, blow our minds!"
Then, suddenly the anticipation was so overblown — and expectations so
high — you froze, never to burp the alphabet again.
New Years Eve is a big, fat fizzled burp. It's so hyped up, where everyone
is so hell-bent on making the last day of the year amazing — that even if
Michael Jackson shouted "SHAMONE!" and moon walked on your face —
the night could never, ever meet your expectations.
Whatever you do is bound to disappoint in contrast with your high
hopes unless, of course, you're hoping for the apocalypse.
THE "KISS AT MIDNIGHT" IS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL
Unless you're one of the privileged few who is mated, the closer
the clock ticks toward midnight, the more anxiety you'll have
wishing the world would hurry up and end. For most of us, the
choice comes down to whether we should spend the first
seconds of the New Year feeling unloved and embar-
rassed, or possibly contracting Herpes Simplex 1 from
a meaningless kiss with a stranger.
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THE WEATHER SUCKS
There is a 100 percent chance that if you choose to remain within
the boundaries of the Great Lake State on Dec. 31, stepping outside for
even a moment will likely result in your snot to freeze.
If you're a responsible reveler and plan to avoid the terrible drunk
drivers and icy roads by walking to your destination, well, good luck
finding a bouncer to let you in with icicles dripping from your nostrils.
PUBLIC SPACES FILLED WITH AWFUL PEOPLE
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comfort and style of your home.
Call 248-538-5400 fin- a complimentary in-home consultation or
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--C
The best holidays are joyous occasions spent eating and
boozing in a cozy home with our closest family members,
the people we love most. Now, think of New Year's Eve,
which is typically spent boozing in a gross bar chock-full
of obnoxious drunk strangers, a few of them barfing,
most of them yelling — all of them awful.
Worse yet, some of them will be wielding horns.
HORNS! It's practically as bad as being in a room filled
with 1,000 screaming babies! Who wouldn't prefer a
little apocalypse over listening to hundreds of drunken
buffoons blow their plastic horns?
EVERYTHING IS OVERPRICED
"It's freezing, and I'm surrounded by skeeze muffins and snausages,"you lament, but
then decide to drink into a celebratory stupor and become blissfully
unaware of how terrible New Year's Eve is.
Not so fast, hotshot. Drinking the amount of alcohol necessary to
make New Year's Eve bearable suddenly becomes $7 billion times
more expensive than it would be any other night of the year.
Some say the world will end in fire, others say in ice. I say, "who
cares"as long as it happens in time for me to skip out on New Year's
Eve. Just in case it doesn't, though, I propose this year we all abandon
this horrid holiday. R.S.V.P."Hell to the no"to those insensate Facebook
invites — stay home, order pizza and do absolutely nothing. And, should
the world make it another year, at least we wouldn't have to hear any Pink
songs for a night. And hey, pizza!
CULINARY QUICKSTEP
tlegant
estate jeweIr9 and
beautiful one-of-a kind
pieces can be Sours
for less than 9ou
would imagine
Chicken Chili
-he cooks in the Red Thread kitchen are still grappling with the fact it's not shorts
weather outside. Strangely enough, the day we tried this recipe it began to flurry
outside. Thus, since old man winter makes his official entrance to our neighborhood this
month, we thought a good, hearty chili would be a nice suggestion. Naturally, we bucked
convention and went with a chicken chili — since meat is both higher in fat and more
expensive.
---
Ingredients
1 1/4 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth
(10 fluid ounces)
1 (14- to 15-ounce) can stewed tomatoes
4 dried New Mexican or guajillo chilies,
stems and seeds discarded and chilies torn
into pieces
1 (3/4-inch-thick) crosswise slice of a
medium white onion
2 garlic cloves, peeled
1/2 cup coarsely chopped fresh cilantro
1/4 cup dry-roasted peanuts
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon salt, or to taste
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 rotisserie-cooked chicken (2 pounds)
1 (15-ounce) can pink beans in sauce
(preferably Goya)
www.redthreadmagazine.com
Direction::
In a blender, puree the broth, tomatoes
(with their juice), chilies, onion, garlic, ci-
lantro, peanuts, cumin and salt in a blender
until smooth, roughly around two minutes.
Heat the olive oil in a wide 3- to 4-quart
heavy saucepan over moderately high heat
— until hot but not smoking — then pour
in sauce and bring to a boil, uncovered,
and stir occasionally; approximately five
minutes.
While the sauce is boiling, coarsely shred
the rotisserie chicken, discarding the skin
and bones.
Stir the shredded chicken and beans
(with their sauce) into the chili, then reduce
the heat to moderately low and simmer,
covered, 10 minutes.
— By Red Thread Staff
WOO Wooclwarcl Ave. • BIrmin
Between 1+ Mile & Lincoln
2+8-6+4-850 • www.rrestate6u9ers.com
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THITERD
December 2011 19