COMMUNITY
OH, SISYPHUS!
Is Gratitude Your Child's Attitude?
Making it through the holidays with some grace and dignity.
By Rebecca Zusel
beam with pride
that your children say
L "thank you"when din-
ner is served. The hours
you devote to helping
with homework, shlep-
ping between various ex-
tracurriculars and tending
to their emotional needs
feel appreciated. But are
they?
During the December
holiday season, we are
bombarded with talk of
"being thankful," yet it's a
difficult concept to quan-
tify in children. How can
we tell if the values we try and instill trans-
late into grateful children? In other words, is
their attitude genuine gratitude?
It's great when kids are polite; when
they employ words or phrases like"please,"
"thank you"and "excuse me,"we beam with
pride. When children demonstrate respect,
it does show they have been taught the
appropriate things to say, but that doesn't
also mean they're grateful. Sorry.
Here are a couple example scenarios that
can help gauge how effectively you are
instilling values that foster gratitude.
You're in a toy store with your son and
shopping for a present, but just for his
friend. Almost inevitably, he asks if he
can get a toy, too. Now, think about his
response. Is he disappointed but accept-
ing? Or, does he have significant difficulty
accepting "no toys for you today;' throwing
a tantrum after"some other time"?
That may be a sign the gratitude quo-
tient of your parenting could use some
tweaking. And, while certainly not uncom-
mon reactions, if his response to your
denial consistently triggers unreasonable
protests, it's something to think about.
Having the means to never say "no"
doesn't mean you should always say "yes:'
Always buying the toy whenever he asks
may seem benign, but it will lead you into
the trap of always having to buy them
something. Worse, you are setting up your
child's value system to always expect the
toy.
A solution to this not-so-uncommon cir-
cumstance or dilemma: Set clear expecta-
tions for that day's goals. For example, "We
are going to the toy store to get presents
for your friends' birthday parties today." Ex-
plain that if they show their best behavior
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and cooperation, there will be something
in-store for them later. Afterward, consider
taking a "special"trip to the library with
them so they can checkout a book or rent a
game or a movie.
When your child receives a present
she already owns, does she whine and
complain about it? Or, is she grateful for
the gift? Remember, there's a difference
between disappointment and ingratitude.
If the whine sounds familiar, it's not too late
to remind her that a gift is a gift no matter
its size or price. (Plus, a stern reminder that
if she wants to continue to receive gifts
in the future, she best be mentshy in the
present.)
Remind her that the gift giver doesn't
necessarily know she already has that item,
and that ingratitude hurts people's feelings.
Explain to her that no matter the gift, the
right thing to do is smile and say "thank
you," and that the gift can often times be
exchanged for something she wants.
This Chanukah, suggest to the kids they
pack up a few boxes of old toys for children
less fortunate, stipulating that no new gifts
can be received until this task is done. Then,
with their participation, go through their
toys and choose ones that are both in great
shape and barely used. See how willing
they are to part with them.
Hopefully, you'll see little, if any, resis-
tance. And, if there's significant pushback,
it's time to offer a life lesson: Rewrap those
old toys and books, and say the mantra,
"You get what you get, and you don't get
upset." It won't be fun, but they'll be better
people for it.
REBECCA ZUSEL, LMSW, is a licensed clinical social
worker. To learn more about this and other subjects, visit
the Red Thread website at redthreadmagazine.com .
JUKEBOX
'80s Fascination Not Just Fashion's Domain
Class Actress: Rapprocher Album Review
4+COM.11. 4.1131 .1;1
By Natalie Sugarman
Specializing in Cosmetic Surgery &
Aesthetic & Reconstructive Breast Surgery
DANIEL SHERBERT, MD. PALS
Certified by The American Board of Surgery, The American Board of
Plastic Surgery & Fellowship Trained in Aesthetic & Reconstructive
Breast Surgery
(248) 865-6400
5807 W. Maple • Suite 177 • West Bloomfield
8 December 2011
I IUD TIM
r lass Actress is a Brooklyn-based
trio that is ardently influenced
by Depeche Mode, Soft Cell
and Madonna. The band's music
takes you on a flashback of '80s
new wave/electro-pop sound but
keeps it current by bring it into the
present with its own flare.
Rapprocher is a collection of scintil-
lating songs about romance and desire.
Harper's vocals have an edge and inflection
similar to that of Bjork and Susanne Vega.
The two other members of the trio, who
are key in helping produce its signature
chill-wave sound, are Mark Richardson and
Scott Rosenthal.
The name of the album, Rapprocher, is
a French term that means "to approach."
It's an ideal name that ties together the 12
tracks on Class Actress' new release.
The album's theme seems to be about
dramatic and sometimes even tormented
romance, which anyone aged 15 to 100
could relate to.
The first track on the album, "Keep You;'
opens with slow and languid synths, paired
with Harper's sweet and haunting vocals.
The song is rhythmic and hypnotic with
its theme of wanting to possess another
person.
Track 5, "Need To Know;' sparkles and
pops with building beats and synthesizers
that carry a catchy dance vibe. This song is
surely a club number.
A favorite track is"Bienvenue,"which is
a French for"welcome:' It has a bouncy,
starry-eyed vibe that fuses perfectly with
Harper's vocals as she sings: "This is the way
I want to be wanted."The Depeche Mode
influence on this song is vibrantly palpable.
The album closes with the track"J.O.A
(Yeah Everybody Knows) Remix."The song
is just over seven minutes long, and the
first half of it is all instrumental, with trance-
like head-nodding beats and underwater
synthesizers.
Rapprocher is just mellow enough to lis-
ten to as background music for an evening
spent with friends, but also carries a couple
tracks that will most likely be seen popping
up in clubs very soon if not already. Ll'y
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