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'Round And 'Round The Roundabout Debate
D
id you know there's been a
long and intense debate going
on about where new round-
abouts should be constructed in West
Bloomfield and Farmington Hills?
'Round and 'round the issue goes —
will a roundabout get built at 14 or 15
Mile at Orchard Lake Road — nobody
really knows.
Actually, you
can call the Road
Commission for
an update on
where this War of
the Roads issue
stands, but for
now I would hate
for the facts to get
in the way of a
good story.
Alan
I, for one, love
Muskovitz
the time savings
Jewish News
roundabouts
Columnist
offer. Yes, at first
I was concerned
that our elderly citizens might not
be able to safely maneuver their way
through these new transportation laby-
rinths. But so far, so good. Although I
admit I'm still looking for a 95-year- old
friend of mine who entered the Maple/
Drake roundabout in the spring of 2010.
Of course, I'm kidding.
But this is true — when they first
opened, I thoroughly enjoyed the
roundabout instructional driving videos
that aired on public access. The most
scintillating television since cable TV's
wetlands board meetings!
For what it's worth, here's my vision
for the future. I believe in these dif-
ficult economic times, roundabouts
should be revenue generating. Therefore,
I propose a deal be struck between
West Bloomfield and Farmington
Hills for an annual "Memorial
Day Roundabout Grand Prix"
for Indy-style racecars. The
excitement
would be
palpable
from grand-
stands erected
between 14 and
15 Mile roads
as drivers
negotiate the
roundabouts
at either end
of the 1-mile
Orchard Lake straightaway.
"The Race" will be a finan-
cial windfall for Orchard Lake
Road businesses. I envision pit
crews manned by mechanics from the
Belle Tire and Firestone stores. Racers
could refuel at the corner gas station
advertising the best price, which will
be really exciting because the prices
change every 15 minutes.
And imagine the competition among
Orchard Lake Road race team sponsors.
Would your money be on the car backed
by Office Max or Staples? Starbucks
or Caribou? Pet Supplies Plus or Pet
Smart? Deli Unique or the Stage Deli?
(In lieu of Gatorade, the winning driver
will be doused with a bucket of mush-
room barley soup.) And, oh, the excite-
ment that will be generated by a compe-
tition to crown "Miss Roundabout"!
If all goes well, I'll unveil additional
roundabout ideas, including the
"Tour de Roundabout Bike Race"
sponsored by the doctors in the
Beaumont Medical
Building on
Orchard Lake
Road. They
can profit from
administering all
of the performance-
enhancing drug
tests on the
cyclists.
And last, but
not least, if we
can get past the issue of separa-
tion of church and state, I foresee
honoring our Jewish heritage by
constructing the first-ever roundabout
shaped like the Star of David!
With an idea like that, I'm a lock to
be inscribed in this year's "Book of Life"
— or at least the paperback version. On
that note, L'Shanah Tovah Tikatevu —
and drive safely! I I
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Alan Muskovitz is a writer, speaker, emcee
and voiceover talent. Visit his website at
laughwithbigal.com.
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