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uring a recent family fun day, hun-
dreds of children scampered happily
across the grounds of Temple Israel
in West Bloomfield — some romped
in giant bounce houses, others
shrieked with joy on carnival rides.
Attentive parents chased little ones
from the food tent to various attrac-
tions. Moms and dads stood in line with
their children, snapped photos, pushed
baby strollers, carried cranky toddlers,
took kids on potty breaks and even man-
aged a few meltdowns.
Randi Manson of West Bloomfield
was a real trouper, running alongside
her 4-year-old daughter, Ava. Manson,
31, is eight months pregnant with her
second child, a boy. "I want to have
three children," she says. "We'll see what hap-
pens after this one, though, realistically. I've
heard it's harder to go from one to two — so,
we'll see."
To some, it may seem "the more the mer-
rier" should be the rule-of-thumb when it
comes to having children. But Dr. Alan Singer,
a New Jersey-based researcher, family thera-
pist and author of the self-help book, Creating
Your Perfect Family Size: How to Make An
Informed Decision About Having a Baby, says,
"Not so fast!"
He's made it his life's work to study, treat
and advise couples deciding how many chil-
dren to have and when — keeping in mind our
country's 50 percent divorce rate.
"On average, marital satisfaction tends
to decrease with each child," he says. "Most
couples believe just the opposite is true, but
having too many children can cripple an
already weak relationship and drive a couple
to divorce. Or it could lead to constant stress
in the home, which also is bad for the parents
and the children."
The book takes readers through a series of

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questions like, "Why
do you want to have children?
When is the best time? How many children
can your relationship hold?" It also includes
"reality checks," self-tests and exercises
designed to help each reader find the right
answers.
"Start by asking yourself why you want to
have a first, second or third baby," Dr. Singer
says. "Don't have a second child because your
in-laws or neighbors tell you to give [the
child] a baby brother or sister. The perspec-
tive that "only children" are lonely children
has been disproved by numerous research
studies. It simply is not true."

ONE SIZE (DOES NOT) FIT ALL

Dr. Singer is Orthodox, he's been married
for 33 years and he has four children of his
own, ages 21-31. So he does speak from experi-
ence. He says having a large family worked
out well for him and his wife, Shanie, but it
doesn't work for everyone.
Gallup polls, which have asked people about

ideal family size since 1936, show
more Americans preferred three or
more children until the late 1960s.
In the '70s, "two" became the magic
number. The most recent survey,
completed in June 2011, found 53
percent still believe two children would
be ideal; 4 percent said one child, 23
percent said three. Only 1 percent an-
swered either "zero" or "six or more
But experts say the fastest-growing
family unit in the United States is a
one-child household. While that may
appear to be a contradiction because only
4 percent of those polled said they'd prefer
a single child family, Dr. Singer says it just
illustrates the difference between opinion
and fact.
"When you ask random people what the
ideal family size is, more people might say
"two" or "three." But in reality, the people
being polled may be single and may not have
children at all. They're just picking a number
they think sounds ideal," he said.
"The number of children the census shows
people actually having is a fact and is much
more reliable."
So, why are more families having just one
child? Factors include the current state of the
economy, the rising cost of raising children
and cultural trends like couples marrying later
in life. (According to the National Center for
Health Statistics, the number of women hav-
ing babies at age 35 tripled between 1980 and
2004 and quadrupled for women over 40.)
"The good news is there is no one-size-
fits-all family," Dr. Singer assures his readers.
"There's only the family that fits you and your
partner and whose size you agree on together,
one child at a time. As many or as few — as
long as you think it through."
He goes on to say there's only one reason to
increase your family size: You love the child

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