COMMUNITY
OH, SISYPHUS!
When Issues Are
Beyond Your Pay Grade
The inexact science of parenting
includes when to seek advice.
By Rebecca Zusel, LMSW
Thu beam with pride after replacing
that old, antiquated light switch with
L a fancy new dimmer — realizing your
old Time-Life Home Repair and Improve-
ment books aren't written in Greek after
all. Then your entire electrical panel
blows. Would you hesitate to call a pro-
fessional electrician?
Why should parenting be any differ-
ent? Questioning one's self is reasonable
when presented with an unsure situation
— especially when it comes to parenting.
Obstacles beyond your scope of experi-
ence are as common in child rearing as
they are throughout life.
It's safe to assume that if you're read-
ing this column you're aiming to rear
well-adjusted, independent and mentshy
children. Of course, how you go about
that is the prototypical "X"of algebra.
While there is no magic potion, identify-
ing when you may not have the right
tools in your parental toolbox could be
more impactful than winging it.
What could that look like for parents?
Take potty training, for example. Some
kids do it themselves, much to the de-
light of their parents. (You lucky parents!)
However, many parents struggle with
their children throughout various"stages"
of the training process, which usually
presents for one or two reasons.
Most common, parents can miss the
child's "readiness" window, which then
leads to potty training that is forced. The
other issue that delays development is
when someone is experiencing anxiety
about the transition. (It could be both the
parent and child.)
Anecdotal evidence shows most
people adhere to advice provided by
their child's pediatrician versus reaching
out to a counselor or therapist. While it's
7
always advisable to consult your child's
pediatrician with concerns, it may be
shortsighted to forgo exploring a second
opinion by a therapist or psychologist.
An extreme, if not uncommon, exam-
ple is when parents finds themselves in a
situation where their child's introduction
to potty-training, typically at age 3, has
not fully been incorporated by age 5 or 6,
and the child is experiencing "regular"ac-
cidents that have no physiological cause.
You aren't a bad parent or a poor
teacher; the reasons for developmental
delays are complex; and it takes a great
parent to identify when their efforts
aren't working.
Another classic example is when a
child is having behavioral issues, com-
monly referred to as "acting out."You've
read all the "right" books and worked
with the school's counselor to maintain a
similar behavior/discipline plan at home,
but the same problems keep happening.
As your child got older, you thought
he would simply outgrow it— but he's
not and those"time outs"aren't working
anymore. Don't give up.There are profes-
sionals who can help figure out what the
root causes are.
The diagnosis you receive may not
make you "feel good" but at least you'll
have answers. And, when you know what
the real issues are, you can tackle them
effectively. Otherwise, nothing you do is
going to change — and everyone ends
up losing.
Specializing in Cosmetic Surgery &
Aesthetic & Reconstructive Breast Surgery
DANIEL SHERBERT, MD. FAGS
Certified by The American Board of Surgery, The American Bawd of
Plastic Surgery & Fellowship Trained in Aesthetic & Reconstructive
Breast Surgery
(248) 865-6400
5807 W. Maple • Suite 177 • West Bloomfield
-
77777-7 -7.7
-:.-
*-.4,4P*4-;;- „,
Rebecca Zusel, LMSW, is a licensed clinical social
•
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1
worker. She and her husband, Matt, live in West
Bloomfield with their three children, ages Z S and 2.
To learn more about this subject, visit her website at
ahand2help.com .
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August 2011 11