EDITOR'S LETTER
An Open Letter Celebrating (Birth, Adoptive, Office and "Undercover") Mothers
ach year, the calendar sets aside
one day in May for acknowledg-
ing the woman who (literally)
gives of her body for our entree into
the world: Mom.
While fathers are clearly important,
a mother's role is so fundamental that
Judaism (traditionally) designates her
womb as the demarcation of accep-
tance into the tribe.
Moms are the family nurturers —
who encourage and nag us — ensuring we grow to be
self-sufficient, productive adults. And, for some, the role of
mother is not defined solely through biology.
There are women who are adoptive mothers, whether
by choice or circumstance, when nature goes awry. There
are women who act as surrogate-type mothers — (not the
paid type) — who augment maternal love. And, there are
also those fathers forced to pull double duty as mothers
— I call them "undercover" mothers.
The maternal ideal is held in such high esteem that
society has even co-opted the term "mother" when
designating genesis, largess or something of unique
importance (e.g.,"motherland,""mother loderMother
Nature" and "the mother of all... fill in the blank").
Neither is the veneration of motherhood solely human-
ity's purview, as former GOP vice presidential candidate
and Tea Party matriarch Sarah Palin noted, a la "mama
grizzlies."
Yet, for all this lauding, mothers too often get the short
shrift. I was reminded of that recently by a compliment
paid to me for my hands-on parenting. While appreciated,
it underscored the steep price I've noticed women pay for
working outside the home.
As a man, because I drive carpool and make dinner dur-
ing the week, I am extolled; it is all but expected from my
wife, Amy. To a large extent, the myth of the stay-at-home
mom is still so entrenched that I can almost excuse those
who ask what I do for a living yet don't extend the ques-
tion to her.
And, in a world where both parents often have to work,
having Mom exclusively available to rear children is a line
item most families can't afford.
How frequently are working mothers paid compliment
for their struggle to maintain a tenable work/life balance?
Probably not often enough.
The notion that husbands/fathers can't drive carpool,
make dinners and the like do a disservice to the fundem-
antal aspects of motherhood — providing unyielding
patience and the salve of affection — all of which are part
of a mother's core competencies.
Even though Mom gets one measly day to be thanked
for her often thankless effort, let's remember there are 364
other days when she is still busting a hump, making sure
the family is alright.
So, to my mother, Arlene Gottlieb: Words seem trite, but
thank you for never shorting me on your core compenten-
cies. (Or, selling me to the carnies.) To her mother, Gloria
Dunn (hi, Nana): At 87, you are still a force to be reckoned
with and have my unflinching admiration.
To my mother-in-law, Elaine Sabbota: I am in awe of
your selflessness and grateful that you imbued your
daughters with the qualities every woman should possess.
To my sister-in-law, Beth Adler: Thank you for being as
much a mother to my children as to your own. (Now, can
you give Bella a ride home from school today?)
Finally, to my wife, Amy: From the moment our family
first expanded, I said (and believe) our children won
the mommy lottery. You inherited the best character traits
of your parents and impart those qualities to our children
each day. The example you set demonstrates to me why
mothers are irreplaceable. (Now, what's for dinner?!)
P.S. To my office mother, Gail Zimmerman: Thank you for
trying to ensure I don't step in "it"too often with readers.
I'm just grateful my kids always have a parent around
— whether it's Amy or me — since many children are no
longer afforded that luxury. As a litigation attorney, "bill-
able" hours and court appearances demand more of Amy's
daylight attention whereas I can write at my dining room
table into the wee hours.
(Check out RT's Facebook page at 1 a.m. the next time
you're up late.)
Bryan S. Gottlieb
bgottlieb@redthreadmagazine.com
See page 10 for our Mother's Day Essay Contest...
Why does your mom/wife deserves to be
pampered?
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