ETCETERA

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NIGHTCAP

B"H Says the Man Who Hated Religious School

Baruch HaShem, or" Thank God"; and this from a guy who was
unabashedly secular — that is, until he met the right woman.

By Zak Rosen

o you remember being dragged to the
))pediatrician's office to get your first
booster shot? First came panic, then
hysteria, followed by a mad dash from the
crazy nurse trying to stab you with a foot-
long needle — all ending with you pinned
down by the doctor, the nurse — and your
mother.
Now, and I mean no offense to my
formal Jewish education, being subjected
to religious school felt as horrific (granted,
less dramatic) as that fateful booster shot. I
didn't want to go. I didn't understand why I
needed it and only relented out of parental
pressure.
So you might be surprised to hear that,
all these years later, I'm getting ready to
keep a kosher kitchen, observe Shabbat
and take work off for the bajillion holidays
on the Jewish calendar; all this from a guy
who — in college — didn't think twice
about dating non-Jewish women or nosh-
ing on pepperoni pizza (occasionally at the
same time!).
I don't want to give the impression that
I've only recently felt a connection to my
religion. In fact, despite religious school,
my Jewish identity was shaped through
growing up in a spiritually nurturing home
in West Bloomfield, spending summers at
Camp Tamarack and eating matzoh every
Pesach — to the point of constipation.

Still, becoming Shomer Shabbos (Sab-
bath observant) is kind of a big leap for
me. How did this happen?
My cousin was scrambling to find an
apartment in Ann Arbor when a mutual
friend led her to a sublet with a few young
women. That fall, I drove to Ann Arbor to
hang out with my cousin, and there I met
one of her roommates — Shira. By the end
of the night, I was pretty sure I had found
my partner.
Shira was raised in a Modern Orthodox
family and expressed to me early on [in our
courtship] that she wanted to raise chil-
dren within a similar religious framework.
I remember asking her why she was so
interested in continuing to keep the holi-
days. To her, we don't practice Judaism be-
cause we're supposed to or because that's
what God wants, but rather to uphold and
transmit ancient rituals and traditions. The
divinity is in being part of the long chain of
observance.
As our families began to merge, I had
a chance to spend many chagim (reli-
gious holidays) at Shira's parents' house,
sometimes with my parents there, too. No
phones, no driving, no laptops.
At first, I observed the holidays as a
kind of"boyfriend obligation." Eventually,
though, I started to feel my own connec-
tion to the various holy days — especially

Shabbat. For instance, I
adopted the practice of
ritual hand-washing that
is required prior to reciting
the HaMotzi (prayer over
the bread).
The ritual involves pour-
ing water over each hand
while quietly reciting the
corresponding prayer to
myself. I've internalized the
practice to such a degree
that I even began to wash
without Shira there to do
it with.
Living in a world where
I send and receive dozens
of emails and phone calls
every day, where driving a
car is a huge part of my life,
Shabbat has reminded me
not to only step back, take a breath, take a
walk or take a nap, but also to switch focus
"from the world of creation, to the creation
of the world," as Abraham Joshua Heschel
wrote.
Shira and I now are engaged to be
married. As I've become more interested
in practicing observantly, I also recognize
that our religious practice may be different
from either of our parents' traditions.
Beyond the unifying thread of ritual,

I'm interested in actively redefining what
Judaism means to us, and how the Detroit
community Shira and I plan to live in will
enhance and shape that experience.
No longer feeling like it's an obligation to
practice Judaism, I finally feel like I can prac-
tice on my own terms. Baruch Hashem!RT

ZA K ROSEN is a freelance public radio producer, living

on Detroit's East Side. This summer, he plans to join his

fiancee, Shira, and live in Tel Aviv as she completes her

remaining two years of araduate school.

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26 February 2011

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